Hey guys, I am 26f and while i like normal sex, i really do like kinky sex with me being dom (though i can switch to a certain extend). I feel a bit isolated as i have never met another woman who is dom as well. I feel like it is so much easier to say “i like being chocked/thrown around” instead of saying “i would like to whip you”, because the seconf one implies doing domething to someone else. I have met a really nice guy and so far we have not yet have sex and I have been wondering how to bring it up and when. Usually the first time i used to have sex with someone it was always more vanilla, just because we didn’t talk about it beforehand. I am not looking for a kink only relstionship, i would like a real loving partnership with kinks in the bedroom. But I am not sure at what point should you bring this up and when. Do y all have any advice? I know i should just to talk to him, but i guess I just fear being judged for my kinks or ruining a potential great relationship becaus of this. Maybe some women here are also dom as well? And also: have some of you been in relationshipd where you do not share kinks? Like two doms, one person kinky, the other not.
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I’d wait until 1 or 2 times of fucking and see what they ate like then at that point point blank ask if they are into anything particular
Atleast you already have a feel for them and they behavior they have
2nd choice just come right out with it
“I’m mot sure how you feel about it but I like to fuck rough” or “it makes my pussy wet to control my oartner are you down to get wild”
It only took a couple times to figure out rather i would get away with some shit and 11 yrs later just keep getting kinkier she has finally opened right up like a flower
obviously have to kinda have to conversation going
It’s easier to start by asking if he’s into anything. And if he mentions that he likes to be submissive first, then you don’t have to worry about whether he’s just saying it to make you happy.
But even if he doesn’t mention it first, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not into it. Some guys just assume that the woman will want them to be dominant, so that’s what they say, even though they’d like to be submissive.
Maybe it’s the autism, but I find honesty is the best policy most of the time. The guy I’m seeing right now, we talked about kinks/fetishes after the first date, and so far things have been pretty chill. I would maybe suggest talking about sex stuff beforehand as well, just to see where his communication is at, and how he is with boundaries and whatnot.
As for being dom, I’m a soft dom, not as much into the whipping and whatnot, but I definitely respect you for that cuz that’s solid 🫡 I just prefer to be on the other end in that kind of situation lmao
You’ll find your rhythm as time goes by. The kink talk comes naturally as sex sessions start to happen. With me that kind of talk always happened after sex and during cuddling, while talking about what we just did. Then it always came the part of “I’d like more of this…” or “I don’t like that very much…”. So naturally when you talk about the things you like you can start inserting in the conversation the things you would like to do WITH HIM. This is important. It seems like an obvious thing, but if you emphasize the part about wanting to do X with him, I guarantee he’s gonna be way more receptive to whatever it is.
There was a great website knocking around where you both separately fill in a survey about your kinks and then it tells you which ones you have in common.
Me and my girlfriend talked about kinks before meeting to some degree. She asked me if I was into BDSM and what parts I liked with it. We talked openly and have done only light bdsm stuff 2 months later. We are working up to it but that is because it seems she is more into it in theory than practice. She wants more but is afraid to ask so I need to do weekly check ins with her. You should just talk to the guy and see what he likes. Share what you like and see if there is a match. If so do vanilla sex the first time to learn each others bodies and get comfortable then go kinky. That’s my view anyway
> Do y all have any advice? I know i should just to talk to him, but i guess I just fear being judged for my kinks or ruining a potential great relationship becaus of this
I totally understand the fear aspect of this, I’ve experienced it many times before – especially while still feeling out a new relationship.
One good option these days is to use one of the apps that let you and your partner both say what kind of kinks you enjoy. You each do this privately, then the app shows you the overlap but not the other stuff.
So if you’re into something that s/he isn’t, it won’t tell them = no stress.
The good ones can also be a source of inspiration, and can actually help give a way to build comfort communicating with a partner.
My favourite is Quivre (https://www.quiv.re). Some other options are Mojoupgrade and Spicer – you can check which one you like best!
Good luck!!