(Posted on other groups; but haven’t had any responses yet)
So for starters, I have never had a romantic relationship before. I don’t want one (not saying never because alot of things can change from now) and I also am not really interested in one (I just don’t feel like I would be 100% committed to them and give her the attention and care she would deserve).
In terms of losing my virginity I’m not sure 100% ‘how’ I would (ideally) like to lose it.
On one hand, (people say that your first time should be in a committed relationship; as it’s a important emotional process) which I agree with but obviously for reasons I stated above I’m not interested in a relationship. On the other hand, I just want to have sex (there’s no pressure from anyone or anything; I just want to lose my virginity) but obviously casual sex means that there’s no intimacy or emotional connection, it’s just lust… I’m 100% there’s some reason for this contradiction, but I just can’t figure it out
So why can’t I figure out what I want? I obviously can’t get both things at the same time… So how do I figure this out?
(From another post below)
So for context, I’ve put this on another sub-reddit/group/community (What ever it’s called) and here is the exchange, now I get roughly what he means but then I get stuck on the part after. (Not sure if person is comfortable so they’re labelled ‘Person’)
Person: No, you got it wrong
This are two different aspects of maturity
1. You don’t feel mature enough to value yourself as a desired partner, you’re pribably wrong but that’s a valid feeling
2. You admit you have sensual desires and feel like they can only be fully met if 1 is completed
In reality these both feed to each other. Completing one you unlock credits in 2 and the opposite.
It’s perfectly fine to find one before the other no wrong way.
However early in, biology is on your side but psychology is not and so you’re self occupied instead of focus externally
Me: Wow! Super eye opening. Seems like point 1 is ‘causing this log jam’ per se; I can’t seem to find out why I don’t feel like I am mature enough.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have a baseline to measure myself? I’m 19 and in university if that helps to address my situation…
Person: This is how it sounds, that you feel you fake maturity and according to your own judgement it’s illegal
Well, sex is legal…
Me: Hmmm… this confused me a little. I don’t feel like I’m faking maturity or anything for that matter (consciously anyways)…Now subconsciously, maybe? I’ll take this in stride and think on it
Also illegal, legal? Didn’t get that part either