Okay so I’d like to say I’m fairly experienced in sex and at least at my end, I can say 99% of the time I’m completely into it, but this new girl I’m seeing has kind of thrown a wrench into the system.
I really like her. But the last couple experiences we’ve had (being the first) have been absolutely unfulfilling and if I’m honest, I had trouble staying hard the whole time last time and it really put me through a loop.
Here’s the thing. Every time we’ve gotten sexual, it’s always been that she almost just shuts off and has me take over. Groping, feeling up, giving hickeys, rubbing her, and she closes her eyes. Other than moaning, she’s basically a static mannequin. Same for sex. She’ll bend over and just stay like that while buried in her pillow and sheets. She hasn’t given head at all. She’s flirted with the idea, but she’s much more excited about me doing it to her.
The worst part is that when she doesn’t like something, her feedback is blurting out loud “DON’T DO IT SO HARD” or something like that. It’s honestly emasculating and not constructive. It pushes me away from her even more and idk what to do. Sexual dysfunction has NEVER been the weak spot in a relationship for me but I just don’t feel it.
One thing that really throws me off is that she’s really sad and remorseful about all of it. When I didn’t get hard last time, she got very insecure and started asking if I didn’t like her. She obviously doesn’t do these things on purpose, but it just doesn’t work out.
I guess what im asking for is some identification of my predicament. I can’t really believe im here texting this but here we are. Help me out Reddit :,)
15 comments
Gotta talk it out with her my dude. Maybe she doesn’t know what to do or how to do it. Maybe a past relationship got her into bad habits. Maybe some trauma. You won’t know till you talk about it.
Maybe she’s not not experienced. Help a girl out and kindly encourage her when she does something right and kindly suggest things u want her to do. Maybe not in the heat of the moment either
She doesn’t like you.
It sounds like you two might need to talk about this.
Maybe she thinks it’s your job to please her because of her upbringing. Out of curiosity, did she grow up in a sex positive environment?
I tried talking it out with her and this is how it went.
Me: I think you need to communicate what you’re feeling during foreplay and most likely sex because all you do is blurt out that something I’m doing is wrong. I need you to actually participate in it instead of me just treating you like this princess. It makes me feel insignificant. And you need to be more active in general the last couple of times you just became a ragdoll. And as soon as something came up that you didn’t like you blurted it out and alarmed the fuck out of me. I need that to stop.
Her: Do I have to do shit if I don’t want to
Me: If im the only one feeling you up, trynna make you feel good and have you just lay over and enjoy it, that’s not sex. It’s not foreplay. it’s annoying and condescending.
Her: My ex bf called me a pillow princess, maybe he was right. God I hate when you act like you KNOW me and I don’t.
Me: Yeah after blurting out “STOP DOING THAT”every 3 seconds like a 5 year old and wrapping it up with no regards to what I wanted maybe it’s true.
The crown jewel:
Her: “that’s weird. Wrapping it up with no regards to what I wanted. Sounds rapey as fuck to me.”
Idk about you, but I think I walked into a seriously bad situation. I didn’t know how deep this went. And it really hurts to see that it won’t work out. But I am not gonna go any farther with this.
Man if u like her then take the time to learn what she likes and teach her what you like and hopefully it develops into something y’all love. While I always thought the wife and I had great sex it wasn’t until 2 years ago we actually communicated what we truly want and not what we thought they wanted to hear did it get amazing. We been together 13 years married 11. Communication my friend it’s the only answer
hahahahaha i like her, she is using you. A lot of men dont realize bottoms can be dominant.
If I were you I would stick with it for a while you might end up getting a nice surprise. Give it a couple months
It’s ok to admit you are not sexually compatible. It sounds like she is VERY insecure, play some fun- no penetration games. ENCOURAGE new things. Ask her what she likes. Tell her what you like and want. Make her feel comfortable enough to take control. She sounds uncomfortable with sex
Sounds like she’s just an anti-hero in your story. I suggest letting her go and be with someone who can teach her to love herself enough that she feels confident to participate. It’s clearly not your Cyan Kitty doing the lords work. Give her a chance to try a proper sex therapist because you just don’t have the tools yet. But with some effort, I truly believe you can one day please a woman properly (not just “hear” her fake a moan) 😘 Go be better if you want to rescue your relationship! She can’t change you and she shouldn’t. She’s already a queen. You’re the problem and I don’t want that for you. x
She sounds very anxious. The idea that someone lying there unresponsive is a lazy lover who’s fully enjoying themselves and just too selfish to give back is a common misunderstanding – more often, when people are acting like this, they’re actually trying to white-knuckle through something they’re not enjoying. I’m not saying that your sexual skills are bad, there could be a lot of reasons that sex makes her feel bad (past experience, body insecurity, performance anxiety, etc), but she clearly is very anxious about pleasing you and also scared about sex and touch that hurts her. Yes, blurting out criticism is not a gentle communication strategy, but if you’re touching her in a way that hurts her, I don’t think it’s unfair of her to prioritize getting you to stop quickly rather than gently and slowly correcting you.
If you see the situation from this perspective, does that help you understand why your conversation with her went so badly?
Pillow princess? I’ve never heard of that. TIL what a pillow princess was.
So she likes receiving but isn’t interested in giving at all? Communication is key and you both honestly need to talk about sex and your likes and dislikes and what you both want sexually. If you both truly like each other I hope things work out for you.
If there is sexual dysfunction right away I would think very hard about continuing the relationship at all. Sex often becomes complicated as relationships develop over time with the introduction of stressors, children, careers, etc. If it’s not fun in the most free and fun stage of the relationship what will happen in the future? Sounds like she’s very immature, self suppressed, unaware and bratty. I’d bail.
Boys have gotten spoiled and needy these days. If you’re not into her/she doesn’t do it for you and you just can’t handle it, break up with her and find someone more compatible.
Thanks to all of you that engaged in a real conversation about all of this. It’s a much more complicated problem than what’s just on the surface I guess.
I’ll give you the run down. She opened up about how she’s never really been in a relationship like this one and doesn’t know how to handle it, and she lashed out because she couldn’t take the criticism. Everyone has been accommodating to her to a point of fault. And I wasn’t perfect either. I let feelings of hate stew inside of me and I was rougher with her when talking about these things than I should have been. I’m still human of course.
In the long run, even if it isn’t her fault that she’s like this, I still have to weigh the options on if it’s good for me. Something tells me she’s gonna put me through the ringer. On the other hand, she shows so much promise and she’s growing super fast since we’ve met. She hasn’t been this open with anybody. So, I guess it’s just touch and go.
So I guess I’m left to weigh my options. She’s obviously very hurt and she’s had a lot of bad habits imprinted onto her. I haven’t walked into that before hand I don’t want to be one of those “I can fix her” people. But she did reach out for my help and my love and I see her motivations clearly now.
Let’s get down to brass tax. There are a few things that scare me. She used the “rape” word very loosely. I told her that I don’t like how easily it slipped out. If things ever went sour, would she use it against me later? Idk. That’s a legitimate fear.
Idk how this is gonna go, but we did make a pretty major breakthrough and I see her different from how I did before. It’s a bit deeper of an understanding. I guess I’ll keep things posted on how it goes. Thanks again