So, I’ve been out of the dating game (28 y/o male) for more than a couple of years now because I’ve been busy, sick, anxious, depressed, and a lot more, but a couple months ago I decided to start trying on apps again, particularly because I feel lonely and because I have no friends, lol. In truth as a male I hate the whole dating app process with a passion, every bit of it, and all of this context that i’ve just provided has made my most recent date experience a bit tough to swallow all in all… Let me explain.
I started talking to a girl a little more than 3 weeks ago and it involved texts, a couple phone calls, and finally a date 3 days ago. During the process she would often take her sweet time to respond and before I had finally set up a date she had already left me hanging for days on a previous message. She had consistently transmitted a sense of being busy and not too interested. Well, we had the date and I thought it was pleasant, and I felt like it was good enough to maybe warrant a second date.
Well, yesterday I message her 48 hours after the date saying that it was nice meeting her and wishing her a nice start to her week. She has not responded and at this point I feel like it’s time to move on and forget. Am I right or should I try one more text of some kind in a few days/a week?
Rationally I can understand that this is just the way it is, maybe she just wasn’t interested, we didn’t click, and I have to move on, but considering my loneliness, lack of success, lack of experience, and… desperation really, it’s hard to just flip a page on the first date and long interaction that I’ve had in years. I feel like I can never catch a break, never get lucky, and like I wasted way too much mental and emotional energy just for… this. I hate texting, and I hate wasting time in these apps because time and time again it’s happened that I may engage in quite a bit of texting just for $@## to hit the fan and for it all to be anticlimactic.
I had to push quite a bit and endure quite a bit and on her side, maybe because she may have more friends and a better thing going for her overall… it might be easier to just flip a page as if nothing.
Here I am. Disappointed and reluctant to try this again and again. And I don’t want to chase. It’s pretty clear, she hasn’t contacted, it’s over. There’s a thought that crosses my head when I feel more bubbly and it’s that it can’t hurt to send one more message in a few days or a week but… really, it’s done with right?
7 comments
Wait… You waited 48 hours to message her after the date, am I reading this right?
Well why did you wait 48 hours after meeting her to text her?
I think it might be a good idea to work on your anxiety before getting into dating serious. Also for future reference don’t wait 48 hours to message someone you went on a date with. Right after is fine .
It sounds like you need to address your anxiety-probably in therapy- before you’re ready to handle a relationship.
Focus on finding some friends before a lover. It will help you boost your confidence. Friends are always a great way to network into finding a relationship anyway, they can set you up or wingman for you. You are also more likely to find someone while you are out with friends hanging out. It’s more natural
>…particularly because I feel lonely and because I have no friends
>
>… she may have more friends and a better thing going for her overall
I thought those 2 things you said are very important. I have been in your situation and what I did was I invested more of my time and effort into building a social circle for me through church and hobbies like running, gym, climbing, movies etc. anything that you like is a good start. I think people can feel your loneliness and in my experience girls like someone that has something going on in their lifes, something that you are passionate about.
Also, you are right! maybe she is just busy with friends and doing things she likes and that is why she is not replying, but that does not mean there is something wrong with you it means she has a social life and that is it.
Being single can be so much fun too! Get fit, learn something, make great friendships hmm try not to make dating the main thing for you and it is just gonna happen.
“‘ve been out of the dating game (28 y/o male) for more than a couple of years now because I’ve been busy, sick, anxious, depressed, and a lot more,..”
“I hate the whole dating app process with a passion, every bit of it,…”
“Well, yesterday I message her 48 hours after the date saying that it was nice meeting her and wishing her a nice start to her week. She has not responded and at this point I feel like it’s time to move on and forget. Am I right or should I try one more text of some kind in a few days/a week?”
The ball is in her court. Sounds like you need to learn how to relax and just date for *fun*.
Dating is supposed to be *a fun social activity people engage in* while getting to know each other.
Pick activities *you enjoy doing* and places you enjoy visiting for your date options.
People who seem to be *enjoying life and having fun* tend to attract others into their orbit.
If there is playful flirtatious banter, chemistry, and compatibility you make your move.
You are allowing yourself to become *emotionally invested* way too early!
Since you are *not in a relationship* you should engage with and date other women.
You should be *too busy living life* than to be *babysitting your phone* looking for a reply.
If you were looking for a job, you wouldn’t stop sending out your resume just because you had a good interview with one company!
Until an offer has been made and accepted both the company and the candidate are within their rights to interview with others. It should go without saying if you meet anyone who *maintains an active online dating profile* odds are *they are keeping their options open* and so should you!
Most people you meet don’t become dates, most dates don’t become relationships, and most relationships don’t lead to marriage. As one adage goes: “Many are called but few are chosen.”
***”Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.”*** — Paulo Coelho
***”If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.”*** – Unknown
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!