I’m avoiding posting this on r/depression, even though not smiling is probably related to my depression, because it’s usually just a circlejerk of despair over there, and I’m looking for solutions, not to be told I’m not alone.
Yesterday I volunteered at a medical clinic and ended up hating the work and not caring much for the people around me (It’s important to note that I’m a man and it was an all women environment, understandably.)
I did ask other volunteers there questions about themselves and tried not to talk too much about myself. But I did so in a manner without smiling. I just can’t seem to force myself to smile if I don’t want to. And besides, who could see my smile anyway as I was required to wear a mask?
I went to the gym today, what seems to be my only social interaction besides volunteering, and the guy at the front desk says “Welcome in” while staring at his phone, I scan my membership card, and go about my workout. I then proceed to get on the bus, not talk to anyone, and go home.
I’ll be starting a job tomorrow after 3 months of unemployment, so I’ll have more social interaction then. But I’m also not looking forward to being seen as the guy who doesn’t smile.
After all, no one around me is smiling. No one even looks at each other. This is the Pacific Northwest, and it’s the middle of winter. So my brain goes, “Yeah, I guess then I have no reason to smile either.”
But I want to be a normal, functioning human being, not a stoic person with a resting bitchface that no one wants to talk to. Forcing a smile doesn’t seem natural as it seems that smiling should come naturally. A forced smile can be detected easily, anyway, as such a smile does not reach one’s eyes.
So how do I fix this? I’m tired of hearing advice like “fake it till you make it.”
6 comments
I like to replay videos that make laugh in my head. There’s one vine that I can’t help but smile whenever I think about it. It’s not forced cause it genuinely makes me happy. Is there any movie, show or video that always makes you feel better?
I know you can smile but practice in the mirror every day. Get the smile to the eyes, our brain is stupid and the act of smiling releases dopamine so will actually make you happy.
Do the confidence stance before you go into social situations. You stand with you hands on your hips and your feet quite wide apart. You will look like a plonker so don’t do it in public. It does some chemical thing that makes you feel more confident.
This is cheesy but try laugh therapy. There are videos of it on YouTube that takes you through a session. It’s exactly what it sounds like – you force yourself to laugh and smile through guided exercises. There are also free virtual sessions through Meet Up if you want to really put yourself out there and do it with a bunch of strangers.
My husband isn’t a smiley person and also on the spectrum which he’s been very self conscious about. We did a session together once a week for a month and it was cringey, awkward, and weird but he says it’s helped him develop an involuntary smile when in the past he’s really had to think about it. It’s also a good reminder to not take yourself too seriously.
First thing first,you need therapy. So you can handle ypur depression in an appropriate environment. You cannot give what you do not have.
As for your work,you can be kind and welcoming but nothing in your responsabilities requires you to smile.
OP, what do you feel internally when interacting with others?
Well you can start smiling at dogs,babies, and the elderly. (If caring what your peers think is a factor)