ETA – post is in the comments
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hi all,
This has been going around in my head for days and I can’t process it. I saw a (now deleted post) on a reddit sub that decides if people are arses or not (im sure you know the one but im worried to put it on here in case my post gets taken down), In it my husband described a comment he made to me regarding my weight and other issues regarding our marriage (one of which is how uncomfortable i feel with him discussing our marriage).
I read through the comments and they all said he was an AH and some even said I should leave him as its clear he doesn’t love me and accused him of abusing me mentally and now I can’t focus. I owe him money and know I won’t be able to set up on my own, I can’t rely too much on family as they are putting a brother I am N/C with and I don’t want to see him plus I finally have a great work environment which is 11 miles from family. I can’t afford to leave even if i wanted to which I don’t, esp when i will have to pay him back the money i owe from before we married.
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My friend has said I should leave not pay him back and take what I am entitled to as wife but I don’t want to prove all the “gold digger” comments that was said when we got together and i do love him. I just don’t know what to do.
please help, what would you do?
TLDR – my husband put a post up about our marriage and commentators said to leave him and I don’t know what to do about it.
5 comments
Leave first. You can pay him slowly when you have the money. If you are thinking of paying lump sum, you have to take a loan or never leave him at all (this will be simplest, status quo), but you have to accept your life as it is with him. Ehatever it is, it is your choice.
Info: What makes you consider leaving?
It’s scary that you would take marriage guidance from AITA. The sub is pretty toxic. Also bear in mind that Redditors glory in advising you to dump somebody. I do it myself, but try to rein myself in.
Not telling you to stay, not telling you to leave, I just think you should take Reddit advice with a grain of salt.
“So for context my (64m) wife (29f) has a lot of mental health conditions – one of which will cause her to binge, this can be food, drink, work, tv etc. Currently she is in a middle of a drinking and eating binge which has been annoying me. I’ve been swigging some of the occasional drink and eating some of the food telling her than when she is like this all she does is mess up my house. Since covid she has started gaining weight and is now around 23st (over 300lbs) which she assures me she will deal with but me making unkind remarks does not help her frame of mind (i call her a pissy brat sometimes when she has had a bit too drink) and have told her in the past if she doesn’t like the rules i impose to protect my space or how i am then she should leave. She usually says that this is a bit cowardly of me stating i want her gone but am not willing to be the one to make that choice.
For info a food binge will usually be takeaway or chocolate and a booze binge will be a few ciders and maybe a bottle of wine – she mixes a lot. and the last few days she has been crashing out on the sofa because she doesn’t want to disturb me in bed knowing i can get a bit annoyed if i don’t sleep well. She doesn’t really cause a mess but i can’t stand the smell of her drink and she does drop or knock over the odd glass as she is a clumsy person anyway (i call her the queen of clutz) and is always breaking or knocking things over
Earlier last month we were discussing getting a new sofa (the one i have was inherited about 15 years ago and it is a bit knackered which hasn’t been helped by her size) she asked if we were still doing this, and expressed excitement in picking something out (she has never really picked her own furniture – all of my stuff was here when she moved in) I said to her that she would probably bust a new sofa as well and perhaps a sofa bed would be better as she has been spending so much time downstairs commenting that she is probably too fat to go upstairs now. She seemed hurt and said that all i do is say she is too fat for “XYZ” and how can she feel comfortable going out when i keep saying she is too fat to walk and too fat to get to the bus stop etc. she then went back to her corner on the sofa.
am i in the wrong”
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This was the post
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