Maybe it’s because I’m not all that mentally stable myself, but if someone is interested in me and I am kind/show interest back they slowly become more and more attached and obsessed and just crazy. Almost all the people who I have dated or that have liked me have become stalkers, violently obsessive where they attack other people, a few have tried to murder suicide us both, and even the abusive ones that cheat can’t leave me.
I’m terrified. It’s not because I choose bad people, I’m the bad one, I’m the one who’s lived life on the streets, fought to survive and broken laws that would sentence me for years. I’ve been told I’m like a drug, or poison. And it’s true, I see it every time it just seeps into them and they become unrecognisable. They come in with an “I can fix them” mentality and end up worse off than me. I’ve seen the most nieve, straight edge people morph into something that isn’t them anymore.
I push them away but they only see it as a challenge, please, I’m not some broken sweetheart that needs saving I’ve seen hell and I lived in it for years. Its like a savior complex they have. Or pity.
I want to heal, I don’t want to be sexualised for my trauma anymore, I don’t want to be a prize, a badass fantasy they have. It’s so stupid, my trauma doesn’t make me the “main character” it’s horrific to live with, and they soon realise when I go into psychosis thinking a firework is singeing my flesh again. When I go into full combat readiness when I hear a cars exhaust backfire. It’s like every time I go crazy they do too.
This is going to affect me for the rest of my life, for the rest of my life I can’t hear explosions and not start running, I can’t watch movies with guns or I see my friend slap on the floor dead. I push people away, isolate myself because I’m too broken even for pity. I want to heal I want this to go away but it’s just me tricking myself over and over, ‘this time will be different’ sure it fucking will. I just want to be loved softly, given the patience and nurturing I need while I adjust to living life outside of street. I don’t want my trauma worshipped or romanticised, it’s not hot for me to be raised as a gang member just because I’m a girl. It’s not cute that I know how to fight even though I’m 5ft nothing. I’m scared. Help me.
7 comments
You REALLY need to ty therapy asap. betterhelp (website)..
You can’t reveal your traumas to men. They either fetishize them or they use them against you. There’s literally no reason to tell man about your trauma when you are dating them. Just don’t.
Bluntly, I would guess that you are mentally unstable enough that you alienate mentally healthy people. Definitely not normal that everyone you meet would be manipulative or obsessive users. That’s just everyone who is “left” after whatever happens to alienate other folks.
Bruh! I feel this. I’ve been there. I feel like everyone I have tried to love has been left more traumatized than when we began.
I’m also interested in how to resolve this to end My villain era.
I have nothing to say except go to fucking therapy.
Like this is clearly not just about dating, and it’s clearly above reddit’s pay grade. I hope you can have enough time when you’re calm enough to think things through and get a therapist ASAP.
I loved a girl from the first day of middle school to my last year of high school she left me in 2019 because her family was having money problems, so she was forced to move without telling anyone and created a new life without me or any old friends.
Its’s now 2023 and I’m a single 21-year-old virgin college student who can proudly say that even though my time in the arena of romance is over I have no regrets because she was and always will be the love of my life.
I’m telling you this because it might make you feel better as life will always be hard but even the worse outcomes aren’t bad, I recommend that if you someday end up in my place you just focus on money its’s not for everyone, but it works for many people.
I might need to add for clarification that because I’m Hispanic Romain Catholic finding a new or a different girl goes against everything we practice.
The way it works is both you and your past girlfriend reunite in hell and burn down there for at least the same time as a human life so by doing that all sin will be washed away.
You and the female will be clean and reverted back to virgins to enter heaven as children with all the memories of the past life so that you may love the girl for eternity.
That’s what many of us look forward to in the next life.
Wait you’re telling me you’ve been involved in MULTIPLE different murder-suicide attempts? It just can’t be. Or if it is, you’re going out of your way to find the worst people. I think if it happens with 1 guy, you’re a victim. But if it happens with multiple men, you’re going to want to reevaluate your choices.
It’s your choices. Both in life and men. I think you’ve answered your own question. Try other subreddits for more pertinent advice on getting on the right path before you focus on dating.