Does anyone feel like they have a ‘slow’ brain which makes social situations and public speaking more difficult?

50 comments

1. Is your brain slow, or are your emotions clouding it? You say presentations and public speaking is panic inducing. It could be your nerves getting in the way of the peaceful mind. I felt the same way at a point. I thought i was just stupid. Through meditation i realized my mind was a jumbled jungle of thoughts and thats why it was so disorganized. You might not be slow, just unfocused. Whats actually happening in your mind in social interactions? Are you focused on the present? Is there other thoughts getting in way? Before you start thinking youre slow, I recommend getting into mindfulness meditation. You might just be living outside of the present moment.

2. that only happens to me when i haven’t slept well or eaten well

3. Wow, this is exactly how I feel. You’ve put it into words so perfectly. I, too, have not figured it out, and am seeking answers. I know this isn’t a helpful comment, but know you’re not alone. Much love.

4. I’m this way as well. I’ve been chalking it up to my adhd and dyslexia but i’m starting to wonder if it’s the adrenaline from anxiety clouding my brain.
   When I’m in fight or flight my brain goes completely blank.

5. It sounds like what you’re describing is called “brain fog” here’s 2 things you can do to take steps to get rid of it:

   1) change habits – eat cleaner, sleep 7-9 hours per night, exercise, less exposure to drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and add in any other habits that are comfortable to you that you know would help your mind be better (learning a new instrument, language, or skill, etc. reading more, meditating, etc)

   2) get your blood work done. Sometimes brain fog is a symptom of something else happening in your body (this is what happened to me). It could be diabetes, a thyroid issue, low testosterone, certain deficiencies, etc

6. I can heavily relate to that I also have an atocious working memory xD I think our of a group of 100 97 would have a better working memory then mine. I got psychologically tested 5 years ago. Weird thing is, my ability to analyze information in real time is reletivly high alongside a vast vocabulary. What I really struggle with I would say is memorization of long form context less information.

7. I feel exactly the same way! I do find that once I get to know people, and I’m less nervous around them, I am better at talking.

   I haven’t found any solutions, unfortunately. I do try to take my time with responses, because when I force myself to respond too quickly I end up saying something dumb or something that doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen people say things like, “let me think about that for a minute” and I think it gives the impression of being thoughtful more than being slow.

8. You may find journaling helpful. You can find prompts online that allow you to express old memories, emotions, or just think about yourself in general. It could potentially help with your working memory bc we tend to remember things we write down. It is also just a form of expression like speaking. More practice expressing in different ways may help too.

9. Ahh! Something said, not good. What was it? Hmmm

10. Oh, absolutely. If I’m in a group of people, everyone around me is just rattling stuff off constantly. Their conversation just flows with no effort and witty comments seem to pop into their heads instantly. Meanwhile, I can’t think of anything to say, and when I do, by the time I start to say it, I mess it up and it comes out wrong. Sometimes the wrong words, sometimes the wrong order, and sometimes what I say doesn’t make good sense because I am trying to say it too fast and leave things out.

    However, I would not call it necessarily a slow brain. Your situation sounds very similar to what I experience, and I would say in my case it’s more a combination of over-analyzing things and then the exact opposite…my brain moving faster than my mouth. When people around me are having a conversation, I am analyzing what they say and then thinking way too hard about what I’m going to say, so the conversation kind of passes me by. They have moved on to another topic while I’m still analyzing the last one. And then when I DO finally think of something to say, it’s like I want to get it out there fast, so I start to talk and now thoughts are moving faster than my mouth, so I stumble all over the words and have to stop, slow down, and correct myself if I can.

11. (F28) I feel this EXACTLY. I’ve broken down in tears because I feel that when I try to be social, I legit have nothing to say. It’s like I need more time to process, reflect, and only then do I have an opinion/response, but obviously this just doesn’t work when you’re trying to talking to someone in the moment. I don’t have a solution, but you’re not alone—which I hope brings you some sort of comfort. (It did for me, so thank you!) I also have wondered whether it’s more of a working memory/executive functioning issue as I was recently diagnosed with adhd (inattentive type).

12. this absolutely happens to me. it’s so embarrassing, i can feel people getting bored or frustrated with me or thinking im slow

13. A slow brain might be the result of a poor diet or inactivity.

14. Exactly the same here. It even translates into academics for me, I feel like I learn slower and get the hang of things slower. But I isolate myself after class and spend some alone time reviewing and practicing the material and I often end up understanding the material better than a lot of my classmates. Unfortunately, that isn’t really viable in social situations and I really end up suffering. I agree and think it has partially to do with a somewhat impaired working memory.

15. So I have the same kind of thing going on and it feels nice that I’m not alone in that. That being said what I tried a while back was recording myself. So I’d spend 10-20 minutes just chatting to myself. And then you can play it back and hear how you sound. Either you realize you can talk perfectly fine and thoughts move in a coherent manner and your mind was blowing it up unnecessarily. OR you notice places you frump up and spots you don’t so you’re aware of when it happens or topics tend to get you tripped up. Don’t know if that makes sense or if it’ll help but it just overall made me more aware of how I talk and times I trip over my words/pause due to losing my train of thought. Cheers friend

16. This may be background anxiety. Sometimes people are just boring too. I find that I mesh really well with some people and with others we get along but I don’t have much to say.

17. Yes. Its not because my brain is too slow. I have adhd. I had the same symptoms as my brother but was not diagnosed until i was 28 because im a woman. When I’m not on meds (and sometimes when I am), my thoughts fly by chaotically and out of order. My brain flits between thoughts very quickly and they end up jumbled up. Its part of why I’m so socially anxious. Waiting for an opening in the natural flow of a conversation makes it even harder. I either wait and forget (or the moment passes) or I end up interrupting because I wanted to get it out before I forget and misread a pause.

    When I’m interviewing, i have to make a list of all the questions and answers I can think of. I record myself and listen to it over and over. I specifically listen to the tone of my voice and adjust to sound not so robotic since its rehearsed. It also allows me to practice using the language I want to use so its more second nature even when my mind blanks. Since video interviews have blown up, I recorded a video repeatedly just to practice keeping my face in check.

    I do this with any big presentation. If im on video, I put notes either physically on my monitor (for interviews) or on my second monitor screen (the one my camera sits on for work). I have to do an insane amount of prep, especially for in-person presentations. Its the only thing that makes me perform well and lowers my anxiety. It hasn’t gotten any easier to socialize improvisionally even after many years.

    Now if only I could stop forgetting what I was saying in the middle of the sentence. When I rehearse the sentence it usually comes back quick and ill repeat. If im in a conversation with friends that thought is probably long gone.

    I also have trouble actively listening and responding in a reasonable amount of time. If im really listening to someone, i might not be able to respond for a while. It doesn’t really work in casual conversations with groups. If im with a friend and they are sharing something, ill tell them I was listening to what they said and need a moment to respond appropriately. Can’t really be actively listening if im thinking of a response. Id guess most people can’t really do both either, but some people aren’t really listening to others. Its a lack of working memory.

18. Yes. But I got out of it. Barring pathology, I think everyone has the capacity to be “quick on their feet”. I’m not a cognitive scientist, but I think my experience, and the assumptions I made about my thoughts, can be of some insight.

    First off, I think these things are a matter of mental priority. Whatever’s at the frontier of your thoughts are what you’re going to be thinking about and maybe even talking about in conversation. And you might ask, well, I’m always thinking about how to be better at conversation, why am I not getting better? The answer is exactly that, and it’s why you’re not present. It’s why you can write an entire post on Reddit about it. It doesn’t sound like you’re lacking in fluency in that department. On the other hand, if your thoughts are about others, that is, showing that you care, then those are the things that you’ll talk about. It sounds simplistic, but it goes a long way if you remember the little things of other people’s lives. Ask about how their test went. Ask about how it’s going with that person they’re seeing. Ask if they enjoyed the restaurant they said they were going to go to last week. Obviously, this goes deeper into why you don’t want to think of others like that, but then only you know why that is.

    Second, being quick on your feet is just about experience. But I don’t think that’s what you should be focusing on right now. No-one’s telling a baby to run before they can crawl. You gotta course correct your current thought process and know that what you’re able to contribute to a conversation is what others want. Then you can think about refining that ability. It’s not an easy task; it’s taken me 15 months to get to where I am, and I’m still finding issues with my thoughts that I need to address. But it is doable. You just have to question yourself.

19. Have you (and basically everyone agreeing w this) ever been tested for ADHD because this sounds exactly like that

    Source: I have ADHD

20. Though not exactly identical to your specific issue, I have a receptive language impairment that hinders me from engaging in conservation with other people and having an immediate understanding & response to what people say, and this causes me no shortage of mental anguish and frustration. Throughout my life, I have been consistently depressed about this problem of mine because it prohibits me from interacting with people effortlessly, even though I know that I desire to have that innate ability that most people have.

    I think yours deviates in terms of how your social issues manifest, but yeah, my “slow brain” makes it so frustratingly difficult to socialize, read, and even enjoy myself with TV. So yeah, my receptive language problems often means that my brain fails to conjure anything up in response to a remark or comment someone’s makes. I fucking despise this shit so much, and the level of envy I have for people without problems within this spectrum is immeasurable.

21. Fortunately for you this is something you can practice. Unfortunately, the best practice is to repeatedly throw yourself into situations like this. But there are also therapy worksheets and etiquette books that can help you practice.

22. Read more, my communication has gotten much better. But truthfully speaking, people don’t listen all that much even if you’re telling a clear story. So don’t be too hard on yourself

23. Sometimes you just have to practice talking to yourself to notice inconsistencies in your manner of speech, and do minor corrections that way without being self conscious about it in a public setting. Talking to yourself isn’t weird it’s a sign of intelligence. So is asking a lot of questions.

    If you’re telling a story, the most important part is clarifying what you learned most from it.

    If you’re telling a joke, it’s important to put your own spin on it, whether it’s a prepared or a spontaneous joke.

    Instead of analyzing things word by word, try and switch your mode of thinking to general topics, or big ideas/themes of things you want to talk about. It’s also easy to prattle stories to people you don’t care about, so you can notice important details to add or omit based on their interest.

    Finally, if someone is speaking, try and follow h.u.v.a.

    have the speaker be heard, understood, valued. Finally, add your own value to what they’ve said.

24. I used to be like this and I figured out a solution. I learned in social situations that people like it when conversations flow faster even if it doesn’t make sense. I took this and mixed it with my acceptance of absurdist philosophy of everything not having to make sense I became way better at talking to people.

25. I’ve had this situation a lot. Countless times, I’ve thought of just the right thing to say hours, sometimes days, later. Once I realized that certain kinds of comments I needed to respond to had very similar answers, I just came up with a standard response.

    So if someone says “How are you” I will respond “Doing great! How are you doing?” Or “What are you doing these days?” gets a response of “doing a lot of work in the studio. It mostly keeps me out of trouble” with a smile.

    I will also brainstorm with my spouse about potential responses to situations. When someone tried to tell me how to parent my kids, I would ignore them and say something nice to my child instead.

    As you practice your responses (I’m sure yours will differ from mine) it’ll come easier, and you’ll have more energy to spend on the more challenging responses.

26. I’ve never related to a post more. People always say you’re so quiet but I really just have no words to say. I can never think of anything and when I do speak I’m just awkward.

27. This is exactly what I experience and I believe it’s because of my ADHD – the difficulty of organizing my thoughts quickly enough to have a fluid social interaction. Then add in the anxiety and I’m a total mess. Maybe get checked for ADHD. It could be part of your problem.

28. I have the exact same experience and that’s exactly how I’ve thought about it too. It might be a slow processing issue or an anxiety issue (likely both for me). Being especially nervous is going to affect performance in pretty much everything, including conversation. It seems to just take a lot more effort to focus on the conversation when anxious thoughts are constantly distracting me and I am much more hesitant to say anything out of fear of saying things wrong. So personally, I think social anxiety causes inattention and inhibition.

29. Are you also slow when u are showering alone and speaking to urself ?

30. Advice: Practice broadening what you allow yourself to say. When speaking, try to make it a habit to share ANYTHING. Even if it seems boring or whatever. I think the problem here for a lot of people, is less about having things to say, and more about:

    1. Thinking that what you talk about has to be SUPER interesting to be worth it.
    2. Not realizing the experiences that are shareable]

    If someone asks what you did this weekend for example: “I didn’t do ANYTHING. I had a long week at work so i was pretty much just recharging all weekend. I made waffles lol” Notice this is much different than “Oh not much, just hung out at home”. But we assume that we can’t talk about stuff like what we ate, or having a long work week, or that we can’t make it interesting. It’s all about the attitude that you say things with.

    If you get a little bit more honest with yourself, you’ll realize that you do have things to talk about, and they can be made interesting. I say be honest with yourself, because i feel like this ultimately roots down to trying to *be something* in a conversation.

31. I’ll get back to you in a few days

32. There’s a lot of reasons to get brain fog, mine has been repeated PTSD that robs me of my recall both long term
    and short term alongside smoking nicotine the past few years of my life.

    Everything is health related so if it’s not something you need medication for healing, though looking into that possibility is probably wise, you can train your brain as well. Our brains have plasticity that needs to be trained regularly by new and challenging activities.

33. This was me for a long time. What helped me was:
    – changing to a different ADHD medication that helped (Vyvanse, was previously on Ritalin/Concerta that didn’t work)
    – getting diagnosed with Autism
    – embracing the ADHD/ASD and focusing on my relationships that celebrated me as I am and spending less time with people that made me feel bad.

    Over time I developed more confidence in myself and as a result I was able to think and speak faster as the anxiety was the thing fogging up my brain. Now I’m a fantastic conversationalist and story teller.

    ETA: I also started focusing a lot more on my hobbies so now even if I don’t have the same hobbies as someone else, I can confidently talk about mine.

34. Have you ever read the book ‘Thinking Fast and Slow’ by Daniel Kahneman? It’s not directly related to this problem but in the first few chapters he describes how we have two systems in the brain, a fast system and a slow system.

    The fast system comes from the sub-conscious, deep part of your brain and the slow system comes from the conscious front part of your brain.

    The problem is that your slow system is blocking your fast system. Most people will use thier sub-conscious thoughts and say them without the need to evaluate or edit them. This means that they can come out with words quickly.

    For anxious people, because their amygdala is on overdrive it causes their ‘slow’ pre-frontal cortext to be on high alert and so it edits and evaluates everything that comes from the sub-conscious. This means it takes a lot longer to speak and when you do speak the words don’t appear natural, they appear edited.

    When the amygdala is relaxed you will be able to speak with creativity and fluency as your slow system is not getting involved.

    Note: this is only my (non-expert) understanding of it. Maybe someone else can correct me if I have it wrong.

35. With me it feels like being around a lot of people makes my iq drop a bit and I just can’t function how I normally do like when I’m alone or with small groups.
    When I look back at interactions I had through out the day and think “Whay did I act that way? That’s now how I would have replied. I wouldn’t have done that” kind of thinking.

36. I go through the same thing. Feels like I can never find the “perfect words”. I’m also afraid of appearing or sounding idiotic.

37. It’s not that you are slow or dumb, it’s that you aren’t working efficiently because of the social anxiety. You, whether it is true or has merit, are creating an agreement with yourself that you are slow witted. It is simply the anxiety which is hurting your thinking process. One of the first ways to get through this is to rid the agreement that you are both stuck as anxious and stupid.

    TLDR; You are above the mind, we all are. We just aren’t taught these things. Consider your state of mind throughout life and it’s flux nature. You can change with practice.

38. Yes, but I’m autistic. I’m learning it’s ok to take a long pause before speaking and it actually makes you look more confident to be able to handle the silence

39. Yes. Me. Everything you have typed out describes me perfectly. After speaking to a psychologist and doing a LOT of self-help, I realise this stems from a sympathetic nervous system which basically sends our body into “freeze” mode whenever we are in an *unfamiliar* social situation, thanks to our social anxiety.

    It’s worth talking to a psychologist (if you can) or doing some self-help work on the nervous system. Basically, the more we rewire our nervous system responses, the more relaxed we will feel in social situations and our social responses will become more natural.

    Not sure if you have noticed this in yourself, but, for me, when I am talking to someone I am comfortable with or am in small, familiar groups, my social responses come easily and I can be funny, quick-witted and am comfortable having the spotlight on me. But when I feel unsafe in my social interactions (e.g. new people, talking to people who are super confident and have an overpowering presence, talking in large groups of people) I become flustered and my “brain starts to shut down”. In these situations, I hate the spotlight, can’t organise my thoughts, and have trouble articulating.

    It’s really just our nervous system making us “freeze” as we perceive the uncomfortable social situation as “dangerous”. It’s an instinct that may serve well in some *actual* life-threatening situations. Unfortunately, generally due to our upbringing, we have learned that unfamiliar social situations are unsafe and our freeze response, though well-meaning, is unhelpful and embarrassing.

    Since doing the work I have learned to calm myself before going into unfamiliar social situations. I still get flustered from time-to-time, but can recognise where this is coming from and can catch myself in the moment and self-soothe.

    There are lots of great resources online!

    Good luck friend 😊

40. Could be ADHD. Stimulants will speed up your brain.

41. I think it is just anxiety interfering with the brain’s natural ability to regulate itself. Overloading on anxiety, your thoughts can freeze up.

42. I as a 30 F can totally relate! I’m still having a rough time trying to communicate with my own mom. I have to try my best to “prethink” situations before they arise and how I’m going to respond. If I have to make an appointment I rehearse my questions in my head before. Not good at arguments or confrontation because I usually think of better things to say days later.

43. It may be that your focus is more on the other person and their feelings/expressions of what your saying. That shit takes a lot of energy to process.

    It’s hard, but practice on trying not to gauge the other person and this opens up much more ‘bandwidth’ for your brain to follow and see your thoughts/jokes/stories through.

44. If you have anxiety, you don’t have a slow brain, you have a *fast* brain. There are so many unnecessary thoughts racing through your head about composure, perception, and judgement, that it causes the social part of your brain to “buffer” (for lack of better wording)

    You might seem slow to other people, but don’t internalize that judgment (or perceived judgement). I know this sounds simple and stupid, but in your free, alone time, practice breathing slowly. When youve built it into a habit, and feel anxious around other people, you’ll remember to breathe slowly and take your mind off the cluttered racing thoughts that distract you.

    If you can, pursue medication and stick to it

45. I COULD relate when i jerked off to porn, drank excessive amounts of coffee, smoked copious amounts of weed, drank alcohol regularly, never exercised and got horrible sleep. I could definitely relate.

    What turned it around for me was cutting all that stuff out (it’s not easy btw) but i don’t have that problem anymore and i actually enjoy socializing. I’m no longer “in my head” i’m more relaxed and in the moment.

    Just my opinion.

46. Same. For me, it’s the autism and auditory processing disorder. I have to “translate” my thoughts into spoken English.

47. I’ve finally found people who relate. I’m struggling with this heavily, thinking I’m just stupid now. Wish I could just overcome this.

48. So I’m not qualified to diagnose, take this with a grain of salt, but I went chasing down this feeling and ended up diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder and ADHD. yup, both. Weeeee

49. Never really been able to put this into words before, thanks

50. 28M here with ADD/ADHD. I’m extroverted but it took practice. Some tips that helped me become more confident in social situations:

    1) Dopamine detox. It’s possible social media, food, TV, porn or other sources of dopamine are numbing you to the point where you feel brain fog in social settings. Try being mindful of what you’re doing that could cause spikes in dopamine. Seriously, be mindful of your relationship with porn. It can mess up so many people in social situations.

    2) Watch your favorite comedians and see how they deliver stories/jokes. Speed, tone, eye contact, pauses, different voices, literally everything. Is it physical comedy where they move their body and hands a lot? Try to learn from this and mimic it in social situations. Dave Chapelle, Kevin Hart, Andrew Schulz, anyone. Find one you think is funny, and learn from them and practice practice practice. It’s gonna be awkward at first but you’ll get better the more you try.

    3) Confidence. What are you good at? Get better at it. Hit the gym, lift weights, eat healthy. These things are good for you physically but they have so many benefits you can’t see from confidence to added charisma, ability to talk to people and look them in the eyes, etc. Build up your confidence and it will help when telling stories/making jokes in social situations because you deliver it in a completely different tone and frame of mind.

    4) Stop caring what anyone else thinks. How many times have you gone “Wow remember when Billy made that bad joke 7 days ago.” Never. Because all we do is think back to all the things WE’VE done, not what others have done. Once you stop caring what everyone else thinks about what comes out of your mouth (within reason), things will flow easier and you’ll be able to make jokes that come off a bit more confident and charismatic.

    5) Active listening. Listen to people in conversation. Ask them follow up questions about what they are talking about. If they bring up a topic of mutual interest, perfect. If not, ask questions about what they are talking about. So many people don’t listen, they just think about what they’re going to talk about next. People love to talk about themselves so if you can get someone talking about themselves, what they’re passionate about, etc, you’re on the path to never-ending conversation topics. The book How to win friends and influence people could help you a bit. It’s definitely helped me along with everything else I’ve listed.

    Hope this helps.