I have alot of friends at school and I’m basically always chatting someone but im not really close with anyone. I’ve gotten invited out a few times but not alot and I know it’s partly my fault because I never create plans but it stills kinda suck and I’m going to start making more plans. I struggle with always speaking my mind and it’s means that alot of the stuff I say is completely random but I guess alot of people find it funny but it also means I’m rarely serious. I don’t know if people find my personality overpowering or annoying or maybe my lack of seriousness creates situations where people don’t want to get close to me as I might be unreliable. I really want to learn what’s preventing me from building bonds with people and try to improve on it so I can finally have some true close friends.
4 comments
Close friends = Great Conversations.
So what are the KEYS to great conversations? I’ll give you a few.
1) LINKING. Link to what other people say with a relevant comment, question or insight of your own.
2) INPUT. You should have stuff of your own to share, not huge long stories necessarily, but some brief stuff. If you’re not sure what type of things you can listen to others (with an analytical mind) to get an idea of ‘what type’ of things people often share. Then start NOTICING what’s going on in your day-to-day life that’s worth mentioning. Write down some notes in your phone or on a pad and review it. Anything that’s: fun, unusual, interesting, crazy, heart-warming, human interest, even *frustrating* if you can find the humor in it.
3) ATTITUDE. Attitude is huge. You want an attitude of approachable but FUN. Positive and enthusiastic. Not monotone, not negative. Have a hint of a smile on your face (not a crazy grin, just a hint) be sure to include your eyes. When you see friends LIGHT UP that smile bigger. And be enthusiastic. Have some passion for: yourself, the other person, LIFE ITSELF.
And remember Playful. That’s the key to being a fun friend.
As far as getting closer to people it’s helpful to DO things with them, and have great conversations while you’re doing them. So have lunch, study together, play a video game, go for a walk or a run, go shopping, do an errand, hang out at your place or their place etc.
Good luck!
I think ur doing great. 2 and a half years at college and I haven’t gotten invited to hang out by anyone ever… not a single time… I think you should put effort into persueinf those freinds that think of you, I know I would
People connect based on emotion. Not facts.
If you want to go deeper with relationships, you have to induce emotion in them and in yourself. This doesn’t happen randomly, you aren’t just going to stay around people in the hopes they start revealing some juicy interests and bothers that they have. You have to be intentional to make them do that. The only way apart from some traumatic experience causing it is to manually induce emotion in others with your words.
If you want to connect with people, make them feel good with your words. You’ve got this champ.
This is gonna sound abstract, but true close friends aren’t about hanging out or having the same interests. Those are things that will help you convince yourself that they’re your close friends, but those traits are expendable and reproducible.
People whose values are in line with yours are the ones that will form long lasting friendships with you. Preferably they are benevolent ones, as that avoids the prisoner’s dilemma. But if your values are convicted, you’ll be comfortable with the fact that no-one shares your views, because you’ll be able to live with the confidence that your actions in the life are what you want. It would be nice if someone does see things the way you do, but that’s pretty rare.