Hello! I’m 16 and I recently started dating my first boyfriend who’s also 16. We’ve been together for about a month. He recently brought up the topic of sex and I told him I was uncomfortable (before anyone expresses concern, 16 is the age of consent in my state) going further than French kissing and he said he was fine with it but kept asking why I’m not ok with even seeing his dick. He continued trying to persuade me that sex at this age is normal and that even kids younger than us are doing it so it’s “no big deal”. He keeps trying to find ways to make me feel more comfortable with seeing his dick (including sending dick pics) even though I’ve told him I don’t want to go there yet. Eventually, he said he can’t envision dating past the six month mark without oral. I know teen boys are horny but is this normal? Could it be a cultural difference (I’m Asian with conservative parents and he’s Caucasian with permissive parents)? How do I communicate my views so that he’ll get the message?
Also, I don’t know how he’s so comfortable with nudity when he’s been mistreated by his ex before. Ive been told she’s crazy and that she sent his dick pic to his whole friend group, which is why they broke up in the first place. This story has been confirmed by his friends, who all still retain a copy of the dick pic as a joke he’s somehow ok with (they have weird boundaries but who am I to judge? After all, I’m the outsider in this situation). I don’t want to doubt him but I have a hard time believing that anyone who went through that would be so comfortable sharing dick pics again. Given how eager he is to show me his dick now, a part of me wonders if maybe he sent it without warning and she spread it as revenge porn. What do you think? What should I do?
33 comments
Ok so this is very important, do not let anyone convince you of doing things you don’t want to do and that you think you’re not ready for. He has clear issues but that’s not in you or your responsibility, he’s even threatening you and giving you deadlines, that’s very wrong, it doesn’t sound like he will respect your limits if you were to engage on something more physical. I would get away from him, honestly. Trust your gut and take care of yourself, you’re not ready, he’s being very pushy, so kick him to the curb, it’s not worth it.
There is no way for you to communicate your views to him. Because words are processed by the brain and right now he’s thinking with his dick. I would end things. If he’s willing to end things because he won’t get his dick wet soon enough then I don’t think this relationship had a future.
lmao man you gotta turn 18 before we can even give you advice
It’s not normal, why not just go with the flow?
He’s a pos! Tell him if he can’t wait to go find it elsewhere! Good luck to him!!
> How can I communicate my views so that he’ll get the message?
“No”, as simple as that. If he can’t accept that, then maybe you shouldn’t continue a relationship where both parties are unable to fulfill the others needs and boundaries.
I think your way to easy on it. If your not comfortable with it and don’t wanna do it, he has no right in the world to even try to convince you. And if he goes as far as giving you a “deadline” he seriously doesn’t care about your feelings as much as he should. So my advice either try to work it out with him. But I assume that won’t work considering what I know from your post. So it’s most likely better for you and him to go separate ways now. I believe your better of with out him and I’m absolutely sure that you will find someone that treats you like you deserve to be treated!!
Is his behaviour ok? No it’s not, and you should never let anyone pressure you into somehting you’re not 100% into doing. Is it normal? Well, 16 year old boys are pretty horny and can do some crazy things in service of that.
Key takeaway is if you think things are going to get better when he gets what he wants, they’re not, this is the age for you to learn to put your boundaries in place and walk away if they’re not respected.
In any human relationship, if boundaries are not set, it turns into a disaster.
If you dont feel like he’s hearing you out and making compromises here with you, then be verbal about that with him. If he still just wants to get in your pants, then I personally would end it
NOPE steer clear of this dude. He’s an immature brat throwing a fit because he can’t get his way.
Tell him if he can’t respect your boundaries enough to not pressure and belittle you, then you’re done with him. Being single is infinitely better than having shitty sexual experiences you regret.
Hopefully, a string of failures is enough to teach him a lesson, but either way, it isn’t your problem, and you deserve to take as long as you need to feel safe and comfortable in sexual contexts.
Of course his ex is also “Crazy” that’s always a red flag too.
It’s not about what’s normal or not. What’s important here is that you expressed a boundary, and he’s not respecting it. His penis isn’t going to fall off, nor will his balls explode if he doesn’t get sex/oral. It’s something he wants and is choosing to put what you asked for (no dicks yet, which btw is totally normal), over the relationship. I suggest you do the same and hold your boundary as more important than the relationship too.
Yes, people your age and younger and older are having sex, doing ‘things’ together. That does not mean it is normal, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you have to. Do these things at your pace with a boy who respects that you want to wait.
You’re probably not ready with this one, because inside you know he’s not the right person.
Pressuring you shows a lack of respect. You are 100 percent entitled to your feelings. You are in charge of your body and no one gets to tell you otherwise. Don’t worry about what other people are doing or not doing. It’s not a competition. Setting a deadline is a form of coercion to pressure you. That’s not how you treat someone you genuinely care about. Please listen to your heart and your head. Only you know what’s right for you. His view is completely selfish. Why would he want you to do something you’re uncomfortable with? He would enjoy making you uncomfortable as long as he could brag about it to his friends??
You sound incredibly mature for your age. NEVER let anyone pressure you to do something you don’t want to do. I didn’t start having sex until I was almost 20. You’re young, keep your innocence for as long as you can. If he’s giving you an ultimatum, I’d break up. He’s not your person. Remember, guys tend to mature mentally a lot slower than women. He’s not at your level of thought process. Him sending dick pics is ICK too. Good luck love 💕
Seems pretty normal. But who cares what’s normal? If you don’t like it, don’t do it. Seems pretty easy.
Obviously you need to do what you think is best for you. but I think he’s acting like a typical 16 year old male boy. Fact of the matter is, men are at their sexual peak between the ages of 15 to 25. It literally is the only thing that’s really on their mind The majority of the day.
Sounds like he’s trying to force you to say yes, drop him.
You should never, ever, ever do something like this that you’re not comfortable doing. As a male, he may not understand, or may not have been taught, this. You need to be up front and assertive with your needs and feelings, and if he can’t respect that, you need to break up with him.
If he doesn’t respect you, nothing else matters.
Ohhh reading this makes me sad.
What your boyfriend is attempting to do, is coerce you into sexual activities that you have expressed you aren’t currently interested in. When you say no to any sexual situation (this includes seeing his dick), and someone consistently attempts to persuade you to change your mind, that is not only WRONG of them, but it’s closely tied to sexual assault and even rape. No means no. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand that.
And no, making a deadline for oral sex is not normal. Honestly, I hate to say it, but it sounds like he’s only in the relationship for sex. Thats how a lot of boys your age are unfortunately. (If I could go back in time and tell myself anything at the age of 16, I’d tell myself not to date until 18-20. ) He’s basically saying “if you don’t do sexual stuff with me by *this time*, I’m leaving you”.
My best advice is to break up with him. You are 16, so I guarantee you have a lot of time in your life to find someone you are more compatible with on all spectrum’s.
**Always remember: The number one most important thing in relationships, is finding someone who respects you and respects your boundaries.**
Hun, if the dude is not going to respect your boundaries, then he’s not going to respect you. Do yourself a favor and dump his ass.
You should stop seeing him immediately. Sounds like you’ve expressed how you felt about the situation. He is just choosing to ignore you for his own selfish wants. This is the guy that will make you hate men before you’ve even met the good ones. Save yourself the pain and regret, get out now. You’ll be glad later that you did.
It’s pretty normal for a 16 year old boy to want sex. But you shouldn’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you aren’t comfortable with.
> He continued trying to persuade me that sex at this age is normal and that even kids younger than us are doing it so it’s “no big deal”.
He’s 100% right here… BUT that’s not a justification for anything.
>He keeps trying to find ways to make me feel more comfortable with seeing his dick (including sending dick pics)
This is absolutely not normal.
>even though I’ve told him I don’t want to go there yet.
This is just worse…
>Eventually, he said he can’t envision dating past the six month mark without oral. I know teen boys are horny but is this normal?
Yes and no. If he cared about you this would not be normal. If he want to use you to have sex, well it would be. (wrong but kind of normal).
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>Could it be a cultural difference (I’m Asian with conservative parents and he’s Caucasian with permissive parents)?
Irrelevant.
>How do I communicate my views so that he’ll get the message?
**”Stop trying to pressure me into something I don’t want to do and start respecting my person and my will or I’ll dump you.”**
No means no
Please never forget that
If you are uncomfortable or you can’t say yes than don’t do it. You will either
1) regret it horribly later
2) end up being forced to do something you don’t like
3) after something happens it will happen again and again cause he will think “oh she did it once why not again?”
You are young and shouldn’t be worrying about all that stuff I know it can be exciting and make you curios but you need to worry about you and how you feel in the moment and if you aren’t comfortable with doing something than that’s okay. He needs to know when to stop asking altogether when you are saying no
Don’t do things you don’t want to do, if he can’t respect that than move on. It’s as simple as that
Sex is important, but hun pressuring you into it won’t solve anything and may make you resent sex for a long while, my advice would be to drop him cause he doesn’t sound like a very good person at this rate if he is pressuring you this much.
No means NO!! Someone that wants to be in your life won’t cross any boundaries you have! don’t be stuck on him if he like that your 16 a lot of life you’ll find someone who would move slow with you on sex Don’t let a moment be change your life for good
If you’re not comfortable with it, then that’s that. Don’t let him pressure you if it’s something you aren’t ready for. People all move at their own pace. Hormones make people do stupid things.. and he’s going to end up losing his relationship with you.
First just give it a try and see how it goes start with a handjob and if you don’t feel comfortable to do oral than don’t do it. It won’t hurt to give it a try
… holy fuck kids are just raw dogging life these days! This dude is dangerously unaware that y’all are young enough to just not be ready for sex and applying annecdotal evidence that is convenient for his desires(stick to your guns, love can be better with sex, but is by NO MEANS A REQUIREMENT!)
And another thing. It seems all his friends need a lesson on the legal ramifications of life in the information age. Him( a MINOR) taking a picture of his own junk at the age of anywhere below 18 was the creation of illegal, underage pornography. Him sending it to ANOTHER MINOR, is distribution of already prohibited pornography to another prohibited person. THEN, SHE SENDS IT TO EVEN MORE MINORS THAT MAINTAIN POSESSION OF IT, AND USE IT TO SEXUALLY HARASS THE SIMULTANEOUS VICTIM & PERPATRATOR OF THIS CRIME!!!
This can mean SERIOUS trouble in even the most lenient of states. Imagine how much trouble this could get you into in a state like Texas? I shudder to think about it… any of it. Absolute clusterfuck.
It’s up to you if you want to give him a chance to learn, but I’d be looking for the door and booking it out of that whole mess.
I don’t think what he’s doing is ok. Coercing you to try and do things further instead of respecting your boundaries that you clearly communicated a few times is just terrible, and it doesn’t say a lot of good things about him. If he cared about you and your limits he would try to understand and wouldn’t push it as much as he is.
If he’s giving you a deadline to do oral and saying he doesn’t want to be with you unless you do as he says, he probably doesn’t want the same type of relationship you want or are looking for.
I’d say if you want you should probably keep saying no and stand your ground, if he can’t understand that and won’t respect your decision then maybe he’s not for you and should try to get away from him. I hope everything works out and you do what’s best for yourself, stay safe!!
This is NOT NORMAL. You should leave him immediately.