How being on own purpose creates passive attractiveness.

2 comments

1. You are onto something here. People are drawn to those who are naturally interesting, confident, well-rounded in life. They want people who of course genuinely connect with them within social interactions, but are also always striving for bigger and better things than just connections with others. For starters, there is a supply and demand paradigm here: when you are genuinely busy in life, your time and attention is more limited, and assuming your interactions with others have been good, this makes the value in interacting with you go up in other’s eyes. Also, being focused in life improves chances of you adding tangible value to people’s lives. You are likely pursuing something that interests many others but not many others are doing, so therefore you earn respect from others. In short, people subconsciously attach you to the value you bring.

   The natural tendency, thanks to social media and this being encouraged when younger, is to chase people to keep connections with them at all costs. This includes texting/calling somebody a lot, and especially heightening the activity and confronting when they aren’t responding for whatever reason. Chasing is classic needy behavior that degrades your value. It is not about maintaining the connection, but rather seeking validation, approval, attention, or ressurance from the other party, which is what is so repulsive about it. It suggests you have no real value to bring to the interaction and the other party is the main center of your life; so without that party, you are alone and miserable. I wrote about all this here: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/trlexh/how_to_avoid_being_needy_or_stop_being_needy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

   Takeaway: CHASE EXCELLENCE, NOT PEOPLE.

2. Ah the ol’ “guys in a band are hot” phenomenon.

   Are all guys (people) who play instruments attractive? No of course not.

   But are all people more attractive when they are actively engaged in life by pursuing AND sharing their passion with you? Yes yes yes!! So play in a band, collect cool rocks, sew outfits for penguins. And share that shit. It’s attractive.