Do you ever feel like you’re the only one initiating meetups or hangouts? I’ve been there, and through years of practice I’ve managed to create a life where I’m invited on vacations, dates, dinners, movies, concerts, camping trips, networking events, business ventures every week or at least every month.
I’m posting this as a crash course, and am intentionally leaving lots of room for more detail in the comments, so understand that each of these steps take effort to make a change. But in brief, here’s what I came up with.
It’s heplful to do some reverse engineering. First ask where you want to be? **I want to be invited to more things by my awesome friends.** Where are you now? **Not getting invited to things / not enough things / not things I want to do / don’t have awesome friends.**
So if we start at the end goal –> *get invited to more things,* it’s better to get more specific so you have an attainable goal. **New goal:** *I want to get 2 invites to something fun every week.*
*To get invited to something,* someone needs to know you are interested in being invited. Solution: tell your 5 closest friends that you want to be invited to things more often, and it would add a lot of value to your friendship if they reached out to invite you to something once a month. Also tell new friends or people you’ve just met that you would love to be invited to something fun in the coming days or weeks.
*To tell your 5 closest friends this*, you need to have 5 close friends. And to tell new friends this, you need to be meeting new friends. If you are looking for more friends, you’ll have to establish positivity, regularity, and vulnerability with people. Ideally you have all three, but you could start with just one of these pillars of friendship (more below).
*To have 5 close friends*, you need to increase positivity, regularity, and vulnerabilty with your friends or strangers.
\-Increase **positivity** with compliments, humor, or support. Be kind and be genuine. Find common interests and either help people or enjoy time with people.
\-Increase **regularity** by attending regular events, talking with the same people when you notice you see them consistently (at work, the gym, etc), and doing weekly checkins with your network.
\-Increase **vulnerability** by taking time to get deeper with your friends. Start sharing more openly about your feelings and thoughts. Establish boundaries to make sure everyone is respected and seen.
*In order to build 5 close relationships*, you need to meet more than 5 qualified people to build relationships with.
*In order to meet more than 5 people*, you need to put yourself out there in situations that you will meet the right people.
*In order to put yourself out there AND meet the right people,* you need to know exactly who you are and who you want to meet. This can come in waves and is fluid, but the minute you start getting clear on who you are and who you want to meet, things get way easier.
*In order to get clear on who you are and who you want to meet*, you need time for introspection, journaling, reflection, and meditation/affirmation. You also need to make time for meeting people or spending time with people you already know.
*To have time for this, you need to make time.* Make sure there is time in your schedule to work on yourself and your vision. Put it in your actual calendar so it shows up as a reminder and it is on your mind.
So in summary, the first step to get invited to more activites is to make the time for yourself and for others. Once you establish that, work those steps above from bottom to top and you’ll be happily invited to fun activities each week. I’ve done this time and time again in several cities and towns and can affirm that it works if you work it.
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Another tip is to get involved yourself and take the initiative to plan events and activities. You don’t have to wait to be invited. I always prefer to be proactive because then I have the opportunity to set the agenda and make sure I get the most out of these activities….