this is a silly question but hear me out because ive only ever been with selfish men and im just losing hope. at 24 years old as a woman ive never experienced a person who takes pleasure in my pleasure. I’ve been with a man for 5 years now who I honestly think is disgusted by my vagina. I fucking love my vagina, so fuck him. I’m a deeply sexual person which makes this so much sadder.
do people really exist who fully take pleasure in bringing their partner to orgasm? who want to dominate them just to make them feel good, not to use them?
I am especially interested in women, or just bottoms in general because im bi, answering this question. do these people really exist?? just tell me its real and not a fantasy so I can have motivation to find better for myself
24 comments
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They do exist. Alot of sexual satisfaction is the shared joy of making the other person orgasm. Anything else is close to sexual abuse . ..that one would have sex with someone else and be completely oblivious of their satisfaction.
That said however, you are also responsible to a large degree for your sexual satisfaction. You need to know and understand what makes you orgasm and communicate it. ..just like your partner should communicate their needs.
My name is Don Juan. Yes I do exist.
They for sure exist but I think it has to do with how you feel about him as well. When you are in love with the person you are having sex with its truly an entirely different experience because you’re focused on their pleasure which in turn helps with your pleasure as well. Just my opinion. I’ve never had great sex with someone I wasn’t truly feeling.
I love pleasuring, taking my time and enjoying the moment
Absolutely
saw you’ve dated a juan but. ever dated a Ryan, but fr the feeling is mutual its hard to find someone who genuinely wants affection imo
There are plenty of guys who get off to their partner getting off. What you are specifically writing about is called a “service top”.
Honest opinion here, they do exist because I’m a guy who takes absolute pleasure gratifying my SOs needs, sometimes to the point of not even caring about my own, I worship her body as a piece of art.
They do exist! After a long while of my partner and I being in a bit of a dead bedroom, we had a lot of stress for many reasons, we have finally worked out how to just let go and be happy in bed and his favourite thing is making me orgasm, as many times as he can in as many ways as he can. We just love each others bodies and I love making him feel amazing. We’ve been together 16yrs with 1 child and our bedroom couldn’t be kinder and more loving and sensual.
He’s never been a “selfish” lover though he was just never able to communicate what he wanted etc.
They do!
They definitely exist, and are probably more common than you think. Being with someone who makes you feel shamed/gross is warping your perspective and making it hard for you to imagine that reality, but it’s true. The thing is, you can’t really start looking for/finding those people while you’re tied down to someone who makes you feel bad. It’s time to cut and run.
My ex used to love pleasuring me(till he liked me) and started to ignore me when his feelings were gone for me.
I used to despise going down on men but that particular ex made me like it. I think it all comes down to liking the person enough.
It exists but on a spectrum. Like, most guys say they get off from a woman cumming, but I’ve found that men often want to jump to PIV sex to stay turned on. I personally prefer lots of sensual activities before PIV, and I feel like when the guy jumps straight to that they are being selfish. And in my experience most guys don’t take as much time with me before PIV as I do with them, which constantly makes me feel like I’m with selfish lovers.
Yes! They do. Don’t give up on the search. My husband is all about my pleasure and usually my pleasure is what gets him going. You need to rest the waters with lovers that will put you first. Allow your orgasm first then continue on to them and if they are really amazing they will want you to orgasm while they do and even maybe again after. You deserve to have that kind of sex life if it is what you desire. Now yes the books might over do it same as porn but I know some men really love to give pleasure and it seems that is what you are looking for most. I hate selfish lovers no one has time for that. If they only care about their own dick then let them care to their dicks alone and go find someone that will also take care of your needs and wants.
I’m 29 years old and just started a new FWB situation (hadn’t had sex in over 2 years). Before this I honestly thought lovers like this didn’t exist but this guy has shown me they most definitely do! First time we hooked up he got more turned on from pleasuring me than from anything else I did (which he also enjoyed very very much).
Sex was cool before, now it is ENJOYABLE.
So no, 1. You don’t have to be in love to experience amazing and selfless sex, and 2. Please do not lose hope
Yep.
There are men like this who care as much (more?) about your pleasure than their own, but unfortunately there’s no good way to tell one except to try him out.
Finding one that’s tall, dark, handsome, and emotionally mature (like in erotica) will be harder still.
Sure there are, plenty in fact! But you need to get better at evaluating who you invest your energy in because that aspect of their personality will often manifest outside of sex.
People who are very giving in the bedroom and focus on their partner’s pleasure tend to be just as giving outside the bedroom. But to find a top who does this means finding someone with initiative/takes responsibility and pride in their partner’s satisfaction. And I’m assuming you aren’t looking for someone needy/insecure who puts their partner’s pleasure first specifically because they are uncomfortable receiving it themselves but rather someone who enjoys mutual pleasure and knows their own worth.
There are people out there like that, but they tend to be real catches that get scooped up by people who know a treasure when they see one. Someone who is attractive, takes care of themselves, charismatic, enjoys pleasing their partners while making their partners feel special for doing the same for them are keepers. Now obviously noone is perfect, and even with partners like that there are going to be things about them that you don’t entirely mesh with.
What’s important is…well knowing what’s important. And if in this case that is finding someone who takes the time to focus on your pleasure then you need to be on the lookout for that. But be on the lookout for someone who shows it in their actions, not their words.
They definitely exist. But be sure not to idealize men. There’s no such thing as the perfect partner or perfect love. And sometimes the lovers in erotic books screw up just like regular people and you need to see if you can forgive them. Or not. But, judge the book by all the chapters, not just the bad ones.
Yes they exist! Don’t settle with someone who doesn’t care for your pleasure!
Yes!!! And in fact, way better than any erotica. (Sorry he’s mine and you can’t have him). 🤣
Seriously though… One thing I noted is you made a comment that he’s good with the words and not with the actions. I’m going to suggest that you don’t settle for someone like that. You will always be dissatisfied!! Actions and behaviour always needs to line up because words on their own are meaningless. And having a relationship with REALLY strong communication, mutual vulnerability and trust is essential. Good sex is built on these foundational concepts in addition to the desire to give the other partner pleasure.
If you’re not getting these things, I suggest looking elsewhere, to be honest.
Yes 100%. My current partner acts like it’s his damn job to bring me pleasure. He is my Daddy and I am his baby girl and I’m such a submissive slut for him. But he only uses that power to rock my world, build me up and take care of me.
They’re out there, and you don’t need to stay with a douchebag. Go find a real partner
Yes!! They do!! My bf is absolutely amazing, he loves making me feel good and I love making him feel good! I adore him so much 💖💖 There is absolutely someone out there who will cherish you and make you feel like the most beautiful person in the whole world 🫶🏻💖