Often I say things that are meant just as they are, but I am around people that assume or try to guess intent, and follow up with a confirmation of that guess, or a statement affirming their assumption. I do not like to be ‘interrogated’, I feel put on the defensive, and manipulated since there are sometimes assumptions ‘outside the direct scope of conversation’ that cannot be easily refuted. How do I set a boundary preventing this type of questioning?
Eg:
* That story was fun, it cheered me up immensely.
* *Did you need cheering up?*
* \[context – this guy trying to “mother” me, dude we aren’t that close.\]
* Do you meet engineers at work?
* *You want to meet some engineers?*
* Do you think you will continue with the job? It is a big workload if you study also.
* *We could train you for those tasks, but you are here for such a short time.*
* \[not a question, but affirming an assumption that I was asking because I wanted him to leave the job\]
1 comment
Number 1: “Not at all.” And then redirect the conversation to what you do want to talk about.
Number 2: “Yes” or “No, I’m just curious.” And then redirect.
Number 3: It’s unclear who’s saying what there. Are they probing if the workload and studying at the same time is too much? If so, just answer it without really doing so. “I’m enjoying my time here.” For the latter, “If I got training in X it would make more more effective in executing task Y while I am here, but I understand.”
The boundary isn’t to get people to stop assuming or speak their assumptions, or ask questions, cause you can’t control what other people do or how they react. But you can control your own reactions and steer the conversation where you want it to go, end them, deflect questions or shut things down (it really is legit to say “I don’t want to answer that question” or “why are you asking?”).