It was an amazing birthday surprise. I cooked him dinner, and I had my bestie join us. We surprised him with the “present” during dessert.

Everything went well, and we all had an amazing time. My bestie and I have hooked up a few times before, so that made things surprisingly comfortable.

However, there was one awkward moment for me. We all at one point passed out on the bed. I was awaken by my bf and bestie fucking next to me. I pretended to be asleep- but i listened and watched. I wasn’t upset at the time, in fact, I was a little turned on.

Now that some time has passed, I feel really weird about it. I asked my bf what happened, and he said the bestie started playing with him and that got him going and he just went with it. To be fair, we didn’t set out any ground rules. So I know im not supposed to be mad. It just feels weird. Any thoughts, advice, suggestions?

32 comments

  1. Surprise threesomes are like Russian Roulette but where only one chamber doesn’t have a round in it. Congrats on the empty chamber.

  2. I had a very similar situation except I blacked out and didn’t find out they kept going until weeks later when she told me. I felt so betrayed, I had to end it with the guy.

    Every situation is different though. You just really have to think if it’s something that will bother you long term. If you don’t think you can drop it, it might be best to move on.

  3. Ahhhh see this is semi tricky. It’s like if no rules were set then it’s like “ I can’t be mad “ BUT I also feel like they shouldn’t have had sex with out you. You invited her to play with you both. Not him. I’d mention something to her

  4. Do you feel weird that he had one on one sex with your bestie? Or that you got turned on watching him have sex.

    This is something that I’ve heard happen a lot with threesomes when everyone falls asleep. One person wakes up horny and wants to go again. It’s something that has happened in threesomes I 29M have had and it just kinda happens naturally without much thought

  5. Time to talk!

    If anything being open about your feelings (without being judgemental) can give him/her the oppertunity to make you feel heard.

    Also, with these kinda things I always recommend setting at least some ground rules… Friends of mine found this out the hard way in a surprisingly similar situation. Talking helped for them though.

    I can guess one or both of them being like; I might not get this oppertunity again, so might as well milk it for what it’s worth (no pun intended) but it could be anything. Sitting in the dark guessing about it probably isn’t going to do anybody any good.

    Also, wish I had a bestie like that, lol.

  6. I think the problem here is by making it a surprise you never go to discuss rules or expectations beforehand, it’s a bit late now but maybe in the future it should be something you consider?

  7. Best part about threesomes is that they don’t have to happen twice. Have a talk, learn from it. Consider it a fun crazy thing you two did.

    If you plan to revisit it, have more indepth conversations about rules.

  8. I think it’s fine to be mad while also recognizing that part of that experience turned you on and you were seemingly ok with it initially. It’s a good chance to think about your own boundaries and desires and then build some ground rules from there.

  9. In the poly community this would be cheating, there were no discussions about it… you don’t do it.

  10. Ahhh bringing your.best friend to fuck around with you and your boyfriend. Oh ya his dick is going to end up in her and your relationship is done.

  11. Now that you’ve learned some things in the comments it’s time to take those lessons back to your relationship. Tell him, in a safe non-sexual context how that made you feel. 100% open communication is the only way ENM works.

  12. Threesomes are best done with a professional third. That way no long term relationships are compromised. And, of course, it’s best to lay out “rules” before starting. Accept it for what it was — a joyful, fun-filled evening for your guy.

  14. You guys agreed to a threesome. How is that a threesome if you are passed out sleeping while they are fucking? I would be pissed if I was you.

  17. Lmao here we go again. This happens at least once a day. You’ll be back next week telling us how you broke up because one of you couldn’t handle it

  22. You agreed to a threesome, and they turned it into a twosome. That’s not what was discussed or agreed to. Personally, I would be upset, not necessarily at the act itself but at the lack of communication. Whatever happens should be done with full knowledge and consent of all 3 of you, and it sounds like that was not the case here. At the very least, I would take it as a sign that you need to be very clear about what you are and are not okay with, otherwise you risk getting blindsided again and again.

  23. Yeah, you opened up Pandora’s box and this is what happened. Doing anything with anybody else other than my partner isn’t for me, but more power to people who want to try it. I think it’s important for everyone to know that there could be consequences.

  24. This is a great way to ruin relationships.

    Set ground rules BEFORE interacting, make sure everyone knows what’s off limits, give each person an easy way to stop being involved in these if they want to be, etc

  26. Threesomes with a partner always end up with jealousy or awkwardness.

    My wife and I discussed this for literal months before hand , you should of definitely had more ground rules.

    But fucking my wife’s friend right beside my wife without her involved or consenting is a massive dick move and not ok.

  29. The deal was a threesome, not him fucking her whilst you’re asleep. You maybe hadn’t had rules for the threesome, but that was already over when they decided it would be ok to fuck without you whilst you’ve been asleep next to them. I’d freak out if I’d be you.

  32. I’m literally feeling really terrible second hand. I would definitely not feel comfortable with that.

    I do agree that you should have set ground rules first and that’s something you can work on in the future.

    However, put yourself in their position. A threesome is an experience you share with your partner. If you or your partner is not involved it is not something you are sharing.

    Also from their perspective to start hooking up right next to your SO while she is asleep with her best friend, or hook up with your best friends SO- it’s pretty inappropriate. Had they gone into another room would it be appropriate? It’s basically the same. I would be really hurt by that. You consented to group sex, not them just having sex.

    I’m a very open person, and I wouldnt hold them accountable or hold a grudge, but I’d definitely need time to feel okay again.

    Edit: typos

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