Posting here because it’s been pretty heavy on my heart since I found out and I don’t know who I can talk about this with irl, and I’m sorry if the grammar is weird I’m just Slavic as fuck (:
I’ve \[23F\] known my friend “Ken” \[27F\] for a little over a year now, when we met she was already married and I had just started dating my now husband. Both the guys \[22M & 29M\] are in a relatively small job field in the military and they’ve known each other since the beginning of their super long training pipeline. They’re best friends, dudes are like brothers and Ken and I hit it off right away when we met and have always been close.
Recently the guys got stationed overseas at the same unit. This particular place requires families to live on base if there’s room, so Ken and I now live within walking distance of each other and we also work at the same hospital (different departments tho) in addition to hanging out so I see her a lot.
Last night we had a house party with some guys in the unit and their wives. Ken and I were sitting with some girls watching a trashy reality dating show and having some drinks when the topic of cheating came up on the show. Ken didn’t react at first but eventually she started tearing up and said she was going to the bathroom. She was gone for like twenty minutes so I went to go find her and asked if she’d let me in so we could talk. She did and she admitted to me that she had been carrying on an affair with another man on our guys’ team since we moved. I didn’t know how to react to this, she asked me to promise to keep it a secret and she’d “deal with it herself.” I agreed in the moment but I was shocked, I never thought she could do something like this. Having to go rejoin the party with Ken’s husband and the man she’s been cheating with was one of the most uncomfortable experiences I’ve ever had.
After everyone had left it took everything in me not to tell my husband. I don’t feel right keeping it to myself but I don’t know if this is really my place or what other collateral damage could come to their team from this. I haven’t spoken to Ken since last night. My man thinks I’m acting weird, and if I tell him I know he’ll tell Ken’s husband for sure. I don’t know if that’s better or if I should tell him directly, or just stay out of it altogether. I feel super lost.
Thanks for any advice, it is much appreciated.
2 comments
Tell her to handle it now, or you will. It’s not fair to put that kind of burden on you. She’s cheating with some dude on their team, plus you’re acting all strange. How long before your husband thinks you’re cheating? Is covering her ass worth your marriage?
It can be hard to think fast when something like this is just sprung on you. Still, she can’t expect you to keep this secret forever. Try to help her understand what this is all about, and offer to help her make a plan for ending the deception, but give her a deadline or two for action as well. Otherwise, you compromise your own integrity too.