me [22F] and my bf [23M] are long distance right now, but he visited me at my school for a long weekend recently. one afternoon we had sex for probably almost two hours, during which i came at least 11 times. some orgasms were from piv, some were from his hands and tongue stimulating my clit, some were from fingering — i felt like i had 3 different categories of orgasms. i was totally surprised he wanted to keep going each time he made me cum. i tried to switch the attention to him but he would always end up pushing me down and taking control again. i ended up making him cum twice, then we talked and showered, and then i made him cum again. we have a really fun dynamic (have been best friends for years before we started dating) and i really trust our communication, but this almost just seems excessive. am i just super lucky? he is only my second boyfriend and he’s the first person i had piv with so i’m not super experienced. is accepting and enjoying that much attention for the majority of our time having sex ok, or just selfish? he makes me feel incredible — he has seriously blown my expectations of sex and my own body’s ability to experience pleasure out of the water — and i just want to return the favor. we don’t really have a routine being LD, but when we do get to have sex he usually cums once while i consistently cum at least five or six times. besides just talking with him, what are some practices for “balance” with sexual partners? in situations like this where one partner is orgasming so much more than the other, is it ok to just enjoy? i feel spoiled and guilty!
27 comments
He is probably feeling very happy, enjoying giving you pleasure.
I’m not even going to read your post.
1) make sure he knows and he’ll be a happy man
2) see #1
3) do your best to reciprocate
The big question is: has he expressed the sentiment that things are unfair? If not, then don’t worry that it’s unfair. You say you trust your communication, so trust that if he felt things were a little one-sided, he would tell you. I do find that when it comes to sex, many people who say they trust their communication and honesty in their relationship suddenly don’t fully trust said communication in the end.
If you really just can’t shake this though, there’s nothing wrong with taking the lead for a night and making things all about him, but be ready for him to stop things at any time. Like many women are one orgasm and done, many men are similar so he might not be able to go for an all-night thing like you can.
So for us guys, we have a thing called a refractory period. Itsthe period of time after orgasm that we physically cannot be aroused for.
It differs from guy to guy, and even from session to session, but generally speaking it means that when we blow, sex is over. (Yes there are work around etc but I’m keeping it simple).
Now combine that fact with a guy who takes pleasure from giving pleasure and you get a situation like yours. Sadly male biology just doesn’t allow us to experience sexual pleasure in the same way as you ladies. Our closest allegory is the emotional high we get from giving.
So just enjoy. By all means, try to bring him enjoyment, but talk to him because you may be cutting short what to him would have been more fulfilling if he’d been able to make it last longer.
And congratulations on finding such a talented guy.
My partner and I have an at least 3 to 1 orgasms gap in her favor. Perfectly happy about it because a) it’s much better than all the stories where things are reversed and the ratio much worse, and b) if I basically edge during sex with her, when I do finally cum, it’s intense and explosive.
I feel you. My boyfriend also makes me cum more than I make him finish, and sometimes it can feel like it’s unfair for him, no matter how many times he tells me that it’s fine.
As some people said here, they have a longer refractory period, so it’s easier for us to climax than for them. And if he didn’t enjoy bringing you to pleasure like that, he wouldn’t just push you when you try to reciprocate, right?
But if it’s still feels unfair, try to make a day when you only pleasure him, and not the other way around. If you get to see him again in a weekend, then spend one of those days pleasuring only him. If that’s too long from now, take pictures and write saucy things that you would love to do to him. Use his kinks or just the thing you know he enjoys doing. Make it about him.
Have fun!
I wouldn’t worry about that – I think your partner just loves giving you pleasure. I have the same guy, he would make me cum few times while he would only cum once or even not at all (sometimes he wouldn’t let me touch him)
Unless he erects a scoreboard in the bedroom, I doubt it’s anything more serious than a friendly competition.
Maybe he gets more pleasure from giving than recieving, that’s totally possible
For those of us that have multiple orgasms easily, we will never be able to make a man have as many as we have. Some men have a shorter refractory period than others, but most are going to have to catch their breath and rest for a bit. I’ve never met a man that got pissed because I could orgasm easily. Don’t stress it, just enjoy it. Some women struggle very hard to orgasm.
Look up “pleasure dom.”
Some people just enjoy giving their partner as much pleasure as they can handle. For people who have a long refractory period, it is perfectly fine for them to only finish once while their partner is having multiple orgasms.
I am this way. I luckily found someone who can have multiple orgasms, and it’s almost like a game to see how many orgasms she can have. While I would absolutely enjoy that if I could do it, once I finish the refractory period kicks in, and that’s it. So in order to help her get multiples, I intentionally refrain from finishing until she is done.
You can always ask him to be sure, but my guess is he just enjoys giving you pleasure and is fine with the ratio of orgasms.
Keep doing this for all the women who’ve never come during sex
Nope. I enjoy making my wife cum more than me, sometimes I’ll make her cum and I won’t have and orgasm at all. A lot of guys if not all enjoy that.
That’s great! You hit the jackpot! Enjoy.
And to ease your conscience, I’m just like your boyfriend. I can come almost whenever I want. If a girl is coming and I’m not, it almost always means that I really want to make her cum. I’ll come when I’m ready, but it’s much more fun to drive her into jello-y bliss, first
It’s normal for a woman to cum multiple times during a sexual counter and for a guy to only cum one or twice. It’s how our bodies. You’re not being selfish and I know for sure he doesn’t feel that way. It’s an achievement to make a girl cum multiple times. He probably feels very proud of himself.
I can tell you for a fact that if you are turning attention toward him and then he moves it back you to he’s enjoying getting you off.
Just make sure you let him know how he’s blowing your mind and that’s all he needs. Nothing stokes and man’s ego more than when he leaves you shaking and exhausted. My husband is the exact same way.
Ask him how he feels about it. My husband, then my BF, on our first few nights together made me O lots more times than I made him. I asked him about it and he asked me if I was complaining. I thought about it and he was right. I just enjoy it.
That’s very sweet, but I’m sure he enjoys getting you off as many times as you want
Don’t feel guilty some of us are people pleaser sound like he is enjoy it
My girlfriend and me had the same situation. I don’t have the ability to mark her cum THAT many times but she still felt like she “got more out of it” than I did and felt the same as you. Spoiling her with pleasure is what I was going for in the first place because she definitely deserves it and her enjoying herself to a big degree is how I get off anyway, so there was no need to feel guilty. I would imagine your partner might feel the same way. Hope that makes sense!
Trust me you might have came more then him but as a man he will be so excited and happy he was able to get you off that many times. Such a turn on for us to know we can get our girls off that many times. A true boost to our male egos. I guarantee he left you totally satisfied.
Absolutely funking brilliant. Enjoy him. The only change you might make is to give him a quickie hj or bj at the start so that he is concentrating on you through his refractory period. It will also make the main event last a little longer, bonus right.
He gave you multiple O’s. You gave him multiple O’s (the bigger accomplishment, actually). You will probably keep giving each other O’s for a long time. What’s not to like?
TLDR…
Don’t worry about keeping score in a particular session. He enjoys spoiling you. Let him know you loved it. Surprise him at random times with your own affection.
Women often underestimate how much pleasure a partner can derive from seeing them in pleasure. Watching you come again and again in response to him is probably hot as hell for him (not to mention a pretty big ego boost) and you certainly don’t have anything to feel ashamed of. It sounds like you’re rocking his world too.
You have a great guy. He’s your best friend and a fantastic lover, and that can be a difficult combo to chase down. So count your blessings (and your orgasms) and appreciate him as only you can!
There are indeed men (and women) out there that receive sexual pleasure simply by giving sexual pleasure.
I absolutely love giving my wife as much pleasure as she can take. I get so much mental and psychological pleasure from doing this to her, it is like I am physically satiated as well.
Sure, I like to be physically pleasured, too.
But, 99.9% of my satisfaction comes from giving pleasure to my wife.
It took her a little while to wrap her head around this. She too at first felt like she was being selfish. I explained and convinced her that she was not being selfish at all. And, in fact, by allowing me to give her all the pleasure she can handle, she is in fact giving me pleasure.
She now understands, accepts, and loves that what I need the most is to give her pleasure.
We do check in with each other regularly to be sure that we are both being fulfilled.
In cases like this, the best thing you can do is show your partner how much pleasure you are receiving. Moaning, writhing, bucking, talking, screaming, panting, etc, etc, etc (whatever you are comfortable with).
One of the things we love the most is to know we are doing a good job in giving pleasure.
Feel spoiled. You should go with it because a lot of guys only worry about themselves, .
my husband tells me I just don’t get it. He gets pleasure from seeing me get off. He loves to make me cum. Enjoy it. if he’s okay with it you should be too