For a little background, I (22M) have had very few social/romantic experiences when I was young. I had a few online “relationships” when I was 14-15 and nearly had a relationship with someone at 16. They were way out of my league and at the time, I had no idea they liked me. From that point on, I’ve spent the majority of my time on school and put my social life to the side.
Now that I’m back at university, and halfway through my degree, though, I’m really trying to change things. The pandemic caused a realignment in my values. I’m really trying to put myself out there and meet people but it feels…so different, so much more difficult than it was in high school, if that makes sense. High school is like the perfect time to form a big social group you’ll have for years to come.
In university, it feels like everyone stays strictly within their own major when it comes to socializing. Everyone is here for their career and just don’t seem interested in socializing outside of their already formed social cliques. I have yet to find a club or other social opportunity, that is reasonably frequent and not expensive, that could allow me to meet people outside my major in an informal, loose atmosphere.
I guess my question(s) and post is more geared toward anyone in here who’s been in a similar situation (i.e. had no social or romantic experiences in high school but turned things around in your early to mid 20s). What did you to change things? How long did it take? Is it even possible?
2 comments
I have 3 best guy friends from grade school. 1 from Kindergarten. I am 41m. I had no girlfriends or romantic relationships in jr high or high school because I had bad acne & that ruined my social skills. Between the ages of 18-21 I would drink a controlled amount of alcohol while already being prescribed a high dose of Adderall & go to teen dance clubs. The alcohol + meds would open me up a ton. Once the alcohol started becoming obvious & causing me problems,I switched that out for prescription opioid narcotic pain pills. This is when they were everywhere all over the USA. I met my first wife at the mall when I was 19 years old. I have had some long term relationships,Been married twice. divorced & widower. No kids. Can’t have kids now. I almost always had a significant other until now. I moved big cities 3 weeks before the Covid Pandemic & this is the longest I’ve been single as an adult. I also feel like it’s way harder to meet a new lady. I have only made 2 attempts in almost 3 years! It’s like I forgot how,I’m super nervous all the time & over think what I should say. I like younger pretty thin white ladies. Over 18 of course. I look young for my age & the clock is ticking on my aging.
i wanna just open your eyes to one thing you said, though sometimes people who make friends in highschool might be together for a lifetime?
people like this rarely change.
as a homeschool student, who moved around a TON.
i can tell you that relationships like that arent as valuable as they sound. people change SO MUCH between 15&19?
and theres a ton of compromises in relationships between those years, some of these compromises will eventually sabotage your self growth, ive seen it in the small social circles i joined upon each move.
people get stuck in their drama man!
its way more.. appropriate? to make friends as an adult, even if they tend to be less social/extroverted, especially in college when everyone has got their future on their mind, you’ll find more quality & easier, genuine connection.
if you do anything, dont get down on yourself about missing out on making friends sooner.
youve got wonderful opportunity now with the amount of work youve put into yourself, be diligent! be patient, friends will find you.