I (24F) met my ex(25M) two years ago on a dating app and we started dating right after 6 dates (we texted for two months before we met in person) at first he was very nice and caring, he would open the car door and wanted to see me as many times as he could even though he lives an hour away from me but after a month it was always me who wanted to meet and planned everything, then at some point he told me that he was thinking about his ex (which I couldn’t relate and understand why does he have to think about her when he is already dating me, maybe I don’t get it because he was my first boyfriend) so that was our first break up.
however after a week we met again and he wanted to get back but also he wasn’t sure because in my culture its so forbidden to have sex before marriage so he was like he can’t wait until marriage so it made me think it is long and what if I do have sex before marriage so I told him “maybe not until marriage but until I actually love you” then he was like “oh I see, Do you wanna be my girlfriend?” so I said I have to think about it so after that he started planning things again and came to see me day after day and he would ask to get back together until I said I accepted.
after few moths I start going around his house and sleep over (even though my dad didn’t like it when I slept there and my dad didn’t want him to come around mine) so while staying at his we start having sex literally every time we met and I would be down whenever he wanted it so I would always give him all my attention but we also would have arguments every now and then about him not planning thing or wanting to see me but other than we were fine until 6 months in the relationship, he told me he texted his ex and some other people so I was very surprised because I wasn’t expecting that at all since we were in a very good place at that time after couple of days he came to my house with flowers and a hand written letter of him saying sorry and he won’t do that again and he wants me to tell him what he can do to get my trust back again so I thought he actually is sorry since he came all the way to my house and saying all this stuff so I ended up going to his and we sat down for a while and wrote the things I want him to do and and after that everything was perfect I was the happiest at that time because he was loving me the way I wanted him to love me and he cared so much about me he even spent soooo much for my birthday he booked a suite in very nice hotel and took me to one of the best restaurant and he bought me the newest iPhone with lots of other gifts on the side.
But then there goes again 4 moths after my birthday suddenly I just had a feeling that he is talking to someone so I checked his IG and he was following some new girls so I mentioned it to him and he denied it so I said asked if he swears that he didn’t text them then he goes he did but it was only friendly text nothing sexual so I just said okay and finished my food and we left a restaurant I gave him a hug and I said it was over and I walked off and he didn’t try to stop me he didn’t care I was crying my eyes out the whole way home and while crying and telling myself I can do so much better I downloaded a dating app and guess who I saw MY EX so I was pissed I know I downloaded it too right after the broke up but I did it while crying and just wanted to forget him, I don’t even know if his was from before our break up or after.
well well well eventually after all that we ended up getting back together, we even traveled to his country and I met all his family and I was staying with them for two weeks and it was fun but also I felt like I wasn’t excluded enough like if all his family and even his sisters boyfriend were gathering downstairs he would go down while I was waiting in a room for him and yeah you might say I could have gone down myself but I don’t know them at all I don’t know if they like me or not I would have rather him ask me to go down with him and hang out with his family than just say I’ll be back. and another time they all went to his uncles house and left me there he said he gonna come back in half an hour but it took him the whole day and I was at there house alone with no food and I don’t think it was an only family thing because his sisters boyfriend also went with them and when his mum asked if I was going he said no and we have dramas like that through out the trip and he would make me unwelcome there unless felt like being nice and one time we went to a river and I wanted to go inside of the water but he wasn’t feeling it and told me I can go with his grandad when I haven’t even spoken to him for once since he doesn’t speak English so I just said thats fine. so everyone else were playing in the water except me and him and few other family members so I was just getting so annoyed and I just wanted to cry so I told him I’m gonna go back to were the cars are and wait for them so I start walking and he kept telling me not to go because its not safe but when he was me crying he said sorry but it was already too late everyone came out of the river so I was still annoyed so we all walked back to the cars and drove to another river and he asked me to go with him so that was nice but why does he always he makes me upset then do something nice.
so eventually we came back to England and we got to our normal life and my trust issue came back and I was always worried if he was talking to someone and whenever I asked him he would get angry and annoyed instead of making me trust him again. and he texted other people again and again and it was making me go real psycho I hate being controlling but I was at a place where I couldn’t control myself not controlling him I would check all his social media and at one point I made a fake account and texted him and he found out that it was me and after a while he broke up with me a week before my birthday and got back together a day before my birthday then he broke up a week after again because he said its a turn off that I live far and I make him unhappy and he doesn’t have money, he needs to save up and that its embarrassing when someone asks him if he met my family and he hasn’t even after two years.
we haven’t been together for 4 moths now but we still talk and when we are together its as if we are in a relationship and do everything that all the couples do. we even have sex and while having sex he says he wanna marry me and have my kids but when after I ask him if he wanna get back he says he isn’t ready for a relationship and he doesn’t want me to wait incase one of us find someone until he is ready and when I ask him does he not get upset if I get with someone else he says “you do you” so that makes me really upset that he doesn’t care at least I was hoping he would be upset a little bit am I that worthless that he doesn’t care?
**TL;DR; My ex cheated many times and he broke up with me even after I gave him many chances.**
3 comments
Stop going back to someone it doesn’t work with.
In a certain town, there’s a group of dedicated people who emerge from their houses each morning, each in their own time, and walk down the street to the site of a sturdy brick wall. Each steps close, then slam forehead against the masonry as if to see if they can break it down. The wall is marked here and there with blood, but those who attend don’t seem deterred. The faces change, some eventually despairing and losing the will to continue, maybe new faces appear to replace them, but there are a few diehards who go at it endlessly, and those are the truly determined, thinking that sooner or later beating their heads against that same brick wall will make a difference.
Everytime it doesn’t workout with the next girl he comes back to you until he meets another. You’re not his girl, he uses you to avoid the downsides of being single. In his eyes he can have all the benefits of dating you while being single and hooking up with whoever he wants knowing you will take him back if she doesn’t work out