I’m new at the whole posting thing so I hope it doesn’t sound too stupid. I’m F21 and have been in two very long relationships (one 15-18 with a girl, the second 18-20 with a guy). This is the first time I’ve been steadily single for, well, ever basically. I’m contemplating participating in the whole hookup/dating app culture. My question is, to anyone that had a hoe phase, do you regret it? My sex drive is superrr high but it’s hard to think about doing something sexual with someone that I’m not in a relationship with. Is it worth all of the hype?
TLDR: I’m horny with attachment issues and wondering if I should act on it.
19 comments
If you think you’ll enjoy yourself why not? We all have needs, protection exists, it’s safer now than it ever has been. If you want fun go for it
If you want to have a hoe phase go for it.
I had a hoe phase and have no regrets. I enjoyed it at the time. I will say that it can be difficult to get back into dating at first when it’s over but oh well.
You just gotta do what you think is best for you at the time. But be careful and make sure you’re practicing safe sex.
Do it, my wife enjoyed her hoe phase!
>attachment issues
IMHO 100% don’t do it. The only people I know who had an overall positive experience with promiscuity were in excellent mental health, very confident in themselves, assertive with strong boundaries, able to get pleasure from sex even with mediocre lovers, and secure their attachments to parents, family and friends.
Everyone else just got traumatized to some degree, some mildly, some very severely.
Its way oversold.
Hookup culture overall is where people who aren’t all that good at sex go to get sex that’s not really about having good sex. More about just getting to have sex, period, or about fucking someone new and unknown, or about validation.
Its why the kink community is not for the most part like, on tinder. The people who are out there for actual sex are either hooking up with FWBs they know will provide good sex for a while out of their real lives, or are somewhere besides Tinder when they’re looking to sleep with someone.
Unless you’ve got a massive validation complex about seeing strange dicks get hard for you, or you’ve got your own kink about fucking people you genuinely do not know at all, there’s a 95% chance tinder sex will be a severe disappointment.
It’s totally up to you. But don’t feel “forced” to have a hoe phase just because everyone else seems to be doing it. Some do regret it.
It works for some, it doesn’t for others. I had a mild hoe phase, and I got some things out of it. Others… Not so much.
If you wanna go one-night-standing, you are probably not going to find a bunch of affection/intimacy. I did try looking for that there, and it kinda left me feeling empty on that account.
Then again, the relatively meaningless sex was kinda fun, ngl.
Should you have a hoe fase?
No perse… Can you have one; definitely!
If you’re so curious about it, try it out! If it doesn’t give you what you want, that’s another thing you’ve learned about yourself.
Trying to be devil’s advocate here… consider being cautious. If you regret it, there is no turning back.
Question I would ask yourself: When you find your perfect significant other, what would you like their sexual history to be like? Would you care if they had casual sex? Or would you prefer a more modest person?
Whatever your answer is, I would emulate that. Your future significant other would likely be looking for the same.
Personally, I don’t like one night stands, there’s too much risk and the sex is usually bad. Fuckbuddies/FWBs have been my go-to for sex, and I really enjoy it! You actually have time to get to know each other’s bodies and kinks. Sure, someone might catch feelings and it might not be reciprocated, but this risk exists with any relationship.
i think it really depends on how you approach it. me and quite a few of my female friends have really enjoyed the freedom of indulging in something they want without the shame of being too sexual/horny. i would say try not to emphasize sex so much—in my opinion, drunken makeouts are safer, and more fun than one night stands are. the first time you have sex with someone is often the worst because you don’t communicate/don’t know what the other person likes, and with college-age guys specifically i think there’s a lot of fallback onto missionary without much focus on their female partner. while my “hoe phase” was a lot more random make outs than hookups, some friends of mine who did go a bit more into one night stands had negative experiences just with the insufficient amount of care that their partners afforded their bodies during sex. i did the make out thing and then also had a few regular hookups that knew me and learned what i liked.
Some guys do this. So it’s only natural that some gals want to engage with multiple partners, too. Pick a guy up at a bar for a ONS and forget him? That seems callous, but some guys and some gals do just that. Some people find a FWB in which there is little/no long term attraction — it’s just the sex. There are plusses and minuses with each approach. Gosh — some women enter escorting so they can have frequent sex AND get paid. To each his own.
No.
Don’t pursue sex or avoid relationships for arbitrary reasons.
Pursue what you want and be genuine with yourself and others.
Anxious attachment style here but I was fucked over hard in my last relationship and I am in therapy. I am going through my hoe phase but I actively went through celibacy for 2 years to figure some things out and even then it’s been a rough landing trying to figure where I need to be. I’m the end I am in my 30s and don’t want children ever and not at all looking for marriage or it as my “end goal”.
I’m thankful for my “hoe phase” but looking back it was my own form of self harm. It was a way to continue to fuel my eating disorder, get validation that my stick skinny body is what guys liked. Was it ever good sex? No. Did I ever cum? No. I never used dating apps, I just asked guys I knew wanted me while I was in my 3 year relationship that ended if they wanted to fuck and it was always a yes. I moved across the country so I never had to see any of them again and am now in a happy relationship 6 years in with one of them lmao
I never regret it, but take a deep look into why you want to do it.
I had a hoe phase and 100 percent don’t regret it with that being said i’m dead inside and compartmentalize emotion well.
I don’t regret my hoe phase at all. Be safe as you can about it. It gives you experiences. Some will not go as expected. Just protect yourself and have fun!
Depends what you are looking for, you will likely have a lot of shit sex if you do partake in it (hookup culture) that is devoid of emotion and satisfaction. I personally don’t hookup with people as I want something genuine with someone I can be emotional with and satisfy amongst other things.
Honey. That’s up to you. I personally regret not having a “hoe phase.” But it’s not for everybody.