So me and my girlfriend have been living together for about a year. We agreed to pay rent portionally based on our incomes because I make more than her. I consistently bring home $2,450 bi-weekly and she brings home $2,000 bi-weekly so we have been splitting our rent 55:45.
I recently found out her paychecks are often far more than $2,000 because that money doesn’t include any of the overtime she works. She is a nurse, and i’m a software engineer. She constantly gets offered opportunities to earn overtime, while I never get it. This past paycheck she recieved $3,200, before that she recieved a $2,700 paycheck.
I don’t see how it’s fair for me to be paying more than her in rent, when she is bringing home far more income than me because of overtime. She says it’s fair because if we both only work 40 hours a week, I make more than her.
39 comments
TBH if you worried about the 5% you’re paying more sounds like she’s more of a roommate than a girlfriend.
Maybe just be a nice boyfriend to her and not worry about it.
She would appreciate that and you would avoid a fight or potential relationship issues. If you are doing it proportionally you are only paying 5% more. It’s not worth fighting over. If you can’t let little things like that go then you should not be in a relationship.
Who cares… It’s only a small difference. In a couple, money becomes shared, so all of the money belongs to *both* of you. It’s not hers and yours, it’s *ours*. If you are still not sure about your future with this girl enough to relax about finances, just end it now.
If you are concerned about fairness to this degree, you probably will not enjoy a long term committed relationship involving cohabitation and or marriage.
You are not wrong or necessarily a bad person, but this attitude is not entirely compatible with living with others or getting married.
What would you do if your spouse got really sick with an expensive condition and couldn’t work at all? Is it “fair”? No, but it’s life.
PS: try the “what if” above again, but this time imagine you’re the one who can’t work.
I’ll also offer this, perhaps you can suggest that a shared vacation fund or household goals fund (new mattress, grill, whatever) be started, and when she makes extra money, she contributes the difference in what you’re contributing for the week to it–not all her overtime, just the difference in what you pay in rent over the same.
But I’ll reiterate that being this concerned about paying a small amount more than her when she’s making 60 cents to your dollar already (as a woman in a female dominated field) is a sign of either maturity or outlook that isn’t really compatible with this type of relationship. It’s never going to be totally even. Either get ok with that or choose to live alone.
Rent should be split by the person 50/50.
With or without overtime, your incomes are pretty similar. Why not suggest a 50:50 split? Also, how do you split other expenses (bills, shopping etc)?
Overtime isn’t guaranteed. So if you amend the agreement now, are you willing to change it when she doesn’t have the option? Are you willing to do this weekly?
Also overtime is not free money. She is working for it, and as a nurse I promise she is working hard and this is not sustainable long term. By mid 40s most of us are done with overtime. In most cases as a nurse she is working an additional 12 hours!
If overtime isn’t available, get a second job for 12+ hours a week so you can be working just as hard as your girlfriend. I’m betting you don’t want that. You just want her to pay more while you still work the same.
So, if you make $5000/month and she makes $4000/month, you pay 55% and she pays 45%
But if she’s making $3200+$2700=$5900/month, then she should be paying 55% and you should be paying 45%.
You don’t list what your rent is, but on a $2000 monthly rent, that means one of you pays $900 and the other pays $1100, a difference of $200 a month. That’s not a huge amount, but it’s certainly significant—10% of your salary—depending on your other monthly expenses.
My recommendation is to do one of 2 things:
1. Settle up every month based on what your actual incomes were for that month, which will change depending on how much overtime she did. You agreed to split the rent based on income, not based on how much time you each spent working, so her argument about 40 hours isn’t really valid here.
2. Just fucking split the rent 50/50 and stop being so petty about about nickel and diming each other. If this amount of money makes that big a difference for you guys, then your apartment is probably too expensive to begin with.
>I consistently bring home x
The key word here is “consistently”
Overtime should not be factored into budgets because it is not guaranteed to occur.
Of the real, guaranteed, budgetable income, you bring 55% home. It seems reasonable that you should pay 55% of rent.
I WOULD say it’s fair however, that on the weeks she DOES get overtime, she pay a small percentage of it into a fund for either the mutual expenses or a vacation fund or something, whatever financial goals you guys personally prioritize
If you really want to stick it to her good….go out and get another job so you are making $3500 biweekly…and you won’t have to change the contribution mix. That’ll show her…
I jest of course…if you’re putting in 40 hours a week and she’s “taking” from her free time to work more…that should be to her benefit. If you work 50 hours a week and so does she….but you’re contributing all of your income and she’s holding back…that’s not in the spirit of your agreement. You could handle it a few different ways…
1. Ignore it. It might not be (financially) material enough to you to care this much. It may just be the principle that is getting to you.
2. If it does bother you enough not to overlook it, just ask her to kick in a little extra for groceries or something when she gets a big overtime check.
3. If you are dead set on being “true” to your agreement, you each contribute what you contribute, and at the end of the year look at W-2s and true up based on full-year income. One of you will owe the other money. This method is the most “fair” if you both work comparable hours but she’s keeping her extras. While OT isn’t guaranteed, it’s very common in nursing…so common, that it’s probably a meaningful part of her income.
The way you go about having this discussion will be important. If done without tact, it’s going to damage your relationship. Another reason to drop it if the total amount you’re talking about isn’t an amount that’s going to be material for you.
Good luck!
Time to go 50/50. You both are doing fine financially.
Your pre-overtime incomes aren’t really that different. Why didn’t you two just split things 50:50?
Just split it 50/50
She hasn’t been lying about her income. You are going off the base guaranteed pay. Overtime is extra and not always guaranteed. It is something she can’t count on to always have. This honestly sounds so damn nitpicky and greedy of you. Though, your salaries are similar enough you should be doing 50/50. But squabbling about money to this extent isn’t a good sign for the future of your relationship.
It’s really weird your this concerned about fairness. That’s your girlfriend. Get a roommate instead of a gf if it’s that big of a deal to you
Overtime isnt consistent. Are you willing to renegotiate every time over time changes? Finances being this detailed in the relationship is a little worrying
Overtime is not guaranteed income so it shouldn’t be counted as such. And honestly if you are that worried about 5% then it’s a roommate situation. My husband and I split bills as equally we can, it’s not perfect but we help each other out when we can. He pays slightly more in rent (like 15-25 dollars) but I cover the electricity and half of groceries. He covers the other half of groceries and internet. It’s give and take. I don’t think that splitting hairs with her overtime will solve anything.
My question is, is this really something that is important? If she get overtime I’m sure she used that money to pay down debt or put it away for savings.
The time she’s working overtime is less time she gets to spend at home. Overtime is not free.
You may not be offered overtime at your current job, but nothing is preventing you from getting a second job. Maybe you should do that if it will make you feel better. Then you’ll have less time to sit around and think of petty ways to stick it your roommate, I mean girlfriend.
>so we have been splitting our rent 55:45.
50/50 every month, problem solved.
This tit for tat attitude is not the way to have a cooperative and peaceful relationship. You shouldn’t be keeping score to this degree, it is petty and causes far more conflict than it is worth. Let it slide and relax a bit so you are easier to get along with or she will get sick of this kind of behavior and leave.
Have you considered whether your gf contributes more to the home in other areas? For instance, cleaning or cooking? Even purchasing home decor? I know in my house, we split the mortgage 50 50 but on top of that, I do nearly all of the day to day work to keep the household running smoothly. It may be worth having a think about
Do you get a yearly bonus or stock options? Is that factored into the income split percentage? Do you also factor in the value of benefits (401k, health/dental/life/disability insurance, free food a drinks, etc.) you each get? If not, then it’s not really a good comparison. Also, overtime, while lucrative, comes at a cost of more of her time, just like your bonus may be larger if you put extra time into it.
You agreed to split things based on base take home pay, which is generally a fair thing. It feels a bit unfair to renegotiate based on a single paycheck or two, and overtime opportunity can fluctuate. That said, the percentage shouldn’t be set in stone, and should be reevaluated periodically or when circumstances change (change in base income). Or you could change how you determine the split. It’s the beginning of tax season, so you could split things based on gross income. If she’s really pulling in 20% more than you with regular overtime for the year, then it’s reasonable to renegotiate. But your gross income from bonus and stock options might close that gap.
😂😂put in more work then ass.
Why are you nickel and diming each other? Just split the rent 50/50
Given that you are a software engineer, I’m assuming that you get some level of yearly bonus or regular equity vesting. Do you add that to your total income to be taken into consideration for splitting expenses?
Split it 50-50 and shut up. Seriously splitting hairs to make sure everything is absolutely, insanely ‘even’ is such a lady-boner killer. Shes a nurse. Leave her OT alone.
As a nurse I will tell you her blood, sweat and tears went into those extra shifts. Every single hospital is short staffed. She worked hard for her money and you have no right to ask for more of it because she happens to make more when she picks up. What happens when the shifts are no longer offered and she doesn’t have that extra money anymore. Healthcare is constantly changing and this could very well happen. You aren’t in healthcare and have absolutely no idea what goes into a 12 hour day taking care of patients. So no do not ask her to contribute more. This would not end well I do not think.
a 5% difference in expenses is not something to get butt hurt about. i would not count overtime as being toward expenses either. overtime can stop and budgeting household expenses counting on it is not a good way to do things.
also, is she really a room mate or your girlfriend? you sound a little jealous that she brings home more than you.
Dude…. Wtf. Do you really want $30?
Do you really want fairness here? Because she pays a woman tax every day. Her scrubs cost more than your shirts and slacks because she’s female. She has to pay for birth control and co-pays for the appointments. Her monthly products run an easy $20, plus stuff to treat and prevent yeast infections and stuff. Her haircuts cost three or four times yours. She has to buy and wear makeup or people will treat her like a troll. That 5% plus her overtime barely make it fair. You don’t have a growth mindset for relationship finances.
She works extra so you get a discount on your share of the rent? 50/50 you yucko
Instead of splitting the rent 45:55, I would just change it so you both contribute X% of your income to a mutual expenses fund. You put in 50% of your paycheck, she puts in 50% of hers. Her 50% will fluctuate, but that’s ok. Budget for the lower end of her paycheck and then if she does happen to work overtime, the extra money can be your joint emergency / vacation / date fund.
You sound really petty. And maybe a little jealous? Does it bother you that your GF is able to make more money?
you really that upset over 5% that she may or may not be able to cover consistently?
if you want it to be equitable pick up a part time job. Cause a part time job would match her overtime work.
A relationship is not a you vs her situation, it is a two vs everyone (for simplicity).
You are two atoms dancing through time together, making sure both make it. One may dance faster, one may dance slower, but both are needed to synchronicity.
What are you really unhappy/upset about?
As people have said just split it 5050.
What are going to do if her basic wage goes up a little? Move to 51/49?
Honestly with incomes that similar I’d do 50/50. If you both can afford it and it doesn’t hurt finances then there’s no reason to split by income.
The splitting by income comes in when there’s a big difference and one can’t afford the lifestyle the other wants.
50/50 makes sense here.