So Today i (F18) tried mastubating for the first time. Ive never touched myself before and got a little curious. ive done everything i can and even managed to get a finger in but i couldnt feel any sort of pleasure. Im scared i might not be able to feel any sexual pleasure at all but i dont want to get ahead of myself. Plus im from a religious family and feel ashamed but i really want to discover myself sexually. So any tips and advice from the more experienced audience.
*Im a virgin btw
31 comments
I’m a dude so take this as second hand info:
Most girls don’t masturbate by inserting anything, some do, and some really like it. Most of the action is in the clitoris. The amount of stimulation you want there varies by a lot from arousal to personality.
There is nothing to be ashamed of, just take it slow and see what parts make your happy. Mentality is a huge part so just relax and diddle about as you feel curious about it.
Sexuality is a long journey filled with triumphs, laughs, disasters and disappointments. So just enjoy the journey!
I actually had trouble finding a guide!
This came close:
https://www.lovehoney.com/blog/how-to-masturbate.html
Basically, you might want to try very gently playing with the area around your clitoris and clitoral hood. Lots of ladies like indirect stimulation there more than in the actual vagina. Check out an anatomy picture of lady parts to be sure I’m being clear.
as a woman I’d want to suggest getting a mirror to find your clit first, once you know where it is you can touch it and start to learn what you like
As someone who came from a family where sex was something, never to be spoken about: first you need to get your mind in the right place. I was like you when I started. I suggest starting with researching. There are some amazing books, apps, websites to help you get in the right mindset, learn how the female sexual response works, learn relaxing/stress relief techniques and help you explore you body and find your unique pleasure. There’s a reason we don’t have a female viagra.
I second getting a mirror. Explore yourself down there, but maybe start by touching your breasts, nipples, inner thighs and so on. Then explore your lips, before exploring your clit. And the next time you want to put a finger inside, you want to find your gspot and gently tap or massage the area. Some lube will help, but if that’s something “risky” to have, coconut oil and aloe work great.
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Don’t get discouraged! One of the more annoying thing about having a vulva is that in a lot of cases, you have to “train” it to respond to sexual stimulation.
That was definitely the case for me when I first started masturbating! I also didn’t enjoy penetration at all for the longest time, and I still don’t get too much out of it, but that’s not the be all, end all of female sexual pleasure.
Try starting out by humping something soft (like a pillow or folded up towel) or gently rubbing it against your labia. That way, you’re almost guaranteed to find *some* spot that makes you feel good. Pay attention to which areas are the most responsive (your clitoris? the area around your urethra? your vaginal entrance?), whether you prefer friction or steady pressure, and what sort of rhythm works for you.
It also helps to get turned on first (e.g. by fantasizing about something sexy or touching other parts of your body, like your breasts, neck, and thighs).
The mental block is probably going to be the hardest part to overcome. Take it easy on yourself – it’s not a performance for someone else, or something that is required OF you, it’s supposed to be fun FOR you. If you don’t like it, that’s also okay. You can always try again later.
If you aren’t turned on first, touching yourself will probably feel about as fun as a pap smear at the doctor’s office. First, find something you think is arousing. If you don’t want to leave books covered in half-naked people lying around your house, look into fanfiction or erotic podcasts online. Your library card might allow you to download sexy e-books onto a device that your parents can’t see. Or just imagine a sexy scene. Don’t try touching yourself until you’re already feeling an ache to be touched – that will guide you to the right place.
What other commenters have said is correct – for most women most sexual pleasure comes from the clitoris, not inside the vagina. Start massaging your thighs and gradually work inward until you find a bump that feels good, and experiment with different ways to touch it.
Don’t worry if you don’t figure out how to orgasm on the first try; it might take a little experimentation. As long as you are having fun, there’s no rush to meet any kind of goal.
Instead of direct touch, some women like rubbing up against pillows, or the spray from a shower head.
M18. From my ex, the instructions I followed from Nina Hartley’s instructional video worked wonders. Can anyone confirm?
But you’re exploring you and if you were ok with that, and want to try again, I say go for it. It might take time. But you’re doing the right things. You’re figuring out what’s best for you.
I am a guy so I can’t tell you how to do it beyond knowing different girls find different ways. I knew more than one who used water on her clit from a shower hose etc to get off. Beyond that enjoy, and don’t worry too much because of your family. I am sure their god should be more concerned with something like sick and hungry kids than you enjoying something in private that hurts no one.
if you have a shower head that has different settings, use it. Also, vibrating on your clit will bring you pleasure faster then penetration. Amazon has some good ones.
Take your time, theres no rush. A guaranteed way to have problems with all of this is to put a bunch of pressure on yourself.
First step towards discovering yourself as a sexual being is to turn your mind off to religion.
Don’t feel ashamed, sex and masturbation is NOT shameful nor a sin. Start slow, caress yourself slowly, breasts, clit, taint, all over. No need to go for the “gusto” right away, enjoy your body, cannot enjoy others without enjoying yourself first.
Regarding the religious family comment, how do you think your became a thing? Somewhere along the way, your parents did the deed to produce you.
https://youtu.be/THjhgWRlP1Q
Here is a tutorial on youtube.
Hope this helps.
It’s really hard to get a finger in at first. Especially if you’re not aroused, and for some people it takes a lot. I come from a similar background and you can find pleasure. Not everyone feels pleasure from penetration either. Try reading some smut or something that makes you feel slightly aroused. Gently massage your clit. It takes a lot of exploration and experimentation but you’ll get there.
Girl you can’t please yourself just by sticking a finger in your vag
Masturbation does nothing for me either, and since I’m still a virgin (22F) I can’t stick my fi her inside. I got a Vibrator a year ago and I’d highly recommend.
Hello! First of all, well done of trying! Once you get your head around there being no shame in exploring your own body and pleasing yourself, it will be easier. It’s always great to start with masturbation before you have sex, this way you will learn exactly what you like. Sex is alllll about feeling good and the same goes for self pleasure.
You don’t need to stick anything inside of yourself to feel good. Someone else commented about getting a mirror, i second that. Learn what you look like and find your clitoris. This is where many women find most of their pleasure, not all but a lot!!
Get comfortable, this can in the shower/bath/in bed in your pjs/your nicest underwear if you prefer. Find some privacy, lock the door.
Just start with touching, and slowly rubbing. But also, explore the rest of yourself, it’s not always just between your legs. Find a rhythm with your fingers or hands. Your body will let you know when you’re hitting the right spot. But start on the outside before you venture inside.
I can relate to the religious family. We are all human and these are very normal and natural feelings. I used to feel such guilt when I was a teenager but then I learned that this is my body and I deserve to feel good and so do you.
Good luck, I hope you find what feels right
My mother found a hand held mirror in my bathroom. She thought I must be looking at my privates. Without any proof, she began shaming and ridiculing me. I felt mortified! Organized religion can also be a shaming and guilt-infested tool. The double-whammy was beyond awful which is where I learned my self-hatred.
Love that you posted this. You go girl!
I’ve been masturbating for eleven years and just now figured out how to do it without the aid of a vibrator. You’re not broken, you’re just learning. It’ll be okay
I think it’s also the effect of the country you come from because the sexual education is hardly an open thing to discuss in classes
What you need is you need a penis on your life
I didn’t start until I was 20ish and to this day I never insert anything. Go for the clit. Forget what men are telling you. “Listen to your heart”
I’m a guy, also a virgin, and I struggled a bit with exploring as well for the first time. Its not necessarily a religious thing for me, it’s more of the intimacy of it. It took awhile but once I found a bit more self love it was actually nice and enjoyable. My point really is that you just need to do you. If you are comfortable with it then that’s great. If not it’s totally cool to go slow. Everything is up to you, so do what feels best and don’t let others get in the way of your desires when you are alone.
Girl…..shower head!!!!
Use it to wash yourself and then unhook it and let the water pressure guide you 👍🏻
I’m a male and was in a similar position to you in 2020 when I was just a year older than you are. I live with a very conservative Christian family so it felt really shameful and caused a lot of guilt and anxiety. But after a while I was able to embrace my sexuality and now I can masturbate almost entirely free of shame. It can be hard going through all of that but I’ve definitely come out the other side more sure of who I am. So just know that it’s a long and hard road but that it’s worth it. It’s not a race so don’t feel like you’re behind everyone or need to get somewhere fast, just take your time.
I was also from a religious family and still haven’t touched myself to this day even tho I’m not religious anymore. It really fucks with you. I want to learn to have an orgasm so bad but I just can’t I have such a bad mental Block. I do know it takes practice and time. Don’t feel discouraged. We will get there. Also, don’t feel ashamed, that’s what human bodies are made to do.
Finger penetration does nothing for me and for most women. You need to locate your clitoris. Watch some amateur female masturbation porn. I repeat, amateur, not professional porn as it is in no way relevant to female pleasure. Wet your index finger a little bit and gently rub the clitoris (very gentle) until you feel some pleasure built up and then you can go in a faster rhythm by following your instincts. You will get there if you allow yourself to let go and keep going when you feel pleasure.
lol you didn’t feel anything because the devil was watching you.
I’m joking of course.
Have you found the clit?
Spend more time touching other parts of your body. Touch your nipples, inner things, run your hands up and down your body. Take like 15-20 minutes to “warm up” and see if that helps.