If your partner shared her relationship past with you, how did it impact your relationship?

25 comments

1. My wife has been very open about both her sexual and relationship past. Very very different than mine. Ill admit i had/have my moments i struggle with it but its nothing of fault to her. Its just some of my insecurities thst flair up. I deal with them as they come but i dont drag them into our relationship. We get along great.

2. It was more boring than mine, and mine was pathetic.

3. She was upfront about her extensive history. I was not bothered, after all it’s only the past right? Wrong, it was also some serious pair bonding issues that led to an awful intimate life.

4. I like to check important compatibility topics before actually getting into a relationship. Her views on religion, money, sex, politics, kids and lifestyle need to align with mine.

   Talking about the past, about what happened to you and why you did what you did is the easiest way to get to know someone. With some women it strenghtened my connection with them, with others it showed we actually weren’t a good match.

5. partner and i talk about past relationships somewhat often. its far from a delicate topic. and it helps us communicate what we feel works for us and doesnt work for us.

6. She did share it.

   With details.

   I also did share mine.

   With details.

   I accepted her, she accepted me.

   I am 29, she is 30 and we’re a decade together.

   She had 12 partners, I had 7.

   She is embarrassed about her past, I am not.

7. In the early stage , the first few months, not at all. We are both pretty experienced and had a variety of relationships before meeting.

   There was a middle stage where I became a bit jealous and insecure. I realized it was somehow related to my growing interest and that we were looking like a longer term couple.

   That was a short lived stage and by year two my insecurities had resolved.

   The solution was me working through my feelings on my own nothing to do with her.

   By year 5 we had quite a bit of security in the relationship. No jealousy and plenty of trust.

   I don’t think ive even thought about her past since.

   I don’t see why anyone’s past should be an issue for any partner unless they were damaged by it.

8. She is the only woman I have met with a similar body count to me and as much kink experience. Only person I have felt comfortable talking about sex with 100% honesty, not having to hide all the crazy shit I’ve done and the weird things that now turn me on. Also one of the few women I’ve been with that didn’t have that moment of disgust when I mention I’m bisexual, that look they try to hide kills me a little inside every time.

9. I think it’s a fun conversation to have once or twice. But I once dated someone who would bring up a “Ohh I’ve done “X thing” with other guys” line very regularly. Like why? Lol

10. It sure did, i ignored her traumas and got two kids. Worst choice i have ever made.

11. Made me more aware of how to act around her and what to provide.

12. She did. It didn’t. We’re very honest with each other.

13. My wife shared, against my wishes. It almost ended in us going our relationship because she a.Trampled my boundary b.was insecure af about her past. C.gave a vague outline then refused to make any further comments, show any suport for me at all and was so wrapped up with herself she didn’t even notice me leave.

    Good job her friends kicked her ass into actually communicating and having the conversation she forced on me tbh.

14. I usually feel bad and regret asking any questions about their sexual history. Like I’m confident in myself and pretty capable, but I always feel like shit if the girl starts sharing things

15. We shared ours when we had first met, now it’s mostly when talking about how we met.

16. He didn’t tell me about any of the sex parts and he talked about it only when the conversation went there naturally and very rarely even then, so it was fine. And I’m a jealous person, but I was still just interested in it, not upset.

17. Yes.

    The most important thing to find out is why their last relationship ended and who ended it. My last ex confided that her serious relationships ended at her prompting because “they drifted apart”. The more I probed the more I learned that “drifted apart” meant she either got bored or met someone else.

    I ignored it.

    7 years later we were planning a wedding and getting ready to put a bid in on a house. She slept with her personal trainer. People generally do not change. Don’t ignore red flags unless you too want to throw away 7 years of your life.

18. She told me, she cheated in all of her previous relationships. I ignored that. She cheated on me as well.

    Now I am living with all the trust issues.

19. This girl I was dating told me that her baby daddy used to beat the shit out of her. She still had pictures from multiple separate situations saved in her phone and she showed me.

    At first, I felt bad. However, after getting to know her more I realized that she’s an extremely toxic person herself, she also puts her hands on people, deep down she loved the drama and that she loves use her victim hood as some sort of badge of honor.

    Hitting women isn’t ok, but I realized that this is a person who gets pleasure out of pushing peoples buttons, tearing them down mentally and lives for drama.

20. Partner and I have both shared our relationship past in reasonable detail, especially about the way it affected us emotionally. It’s still an open topic of conversation whenever we want to communicate emotions or feelings. We’ve noticed that it helps the other person understand how we’re feeling if we give context to explain it.

    He talks about his past significantly more than I do, however, that’s mostly because he’s more emotionally expressive and likes to go through his feelings more than I do.

    Knowing how he felt about his past partners brings up some of my insecurities occasionally, but I deal with those emotions as mine and don’t share them with him. A big part of that is because I don’t want him to feel like he needs to protect my feelings when he’s talking about relationships that affected his emotional structure so much.

21. Let’s put it this way….wouldn’t it be weird to be married to someone for 10+ years and NOT know a fair amount of their relationship history?

    She and I have BOTH had some questionable things in our past, including poor relationship decisions. One of the things we have in common is that we have worked through challenging times and bad choices.

22. It didn’t aside from me feeling sad about how her last boyfriend treated her. I made sure to be the opposite of that dbag.

23. Honesty is generally the best policy. I’m pro-sex. So unless it’s something especially weird, I’m not going to be freaked out. As for what counts as weird for me, I think I’m generally more open minded than most.

24. It impacted the relationship and myself in a way I would have never been able to prepare for.

    She was very transparent about her terminal health condition. She had really bad chronic inflammation in her brain, which was responsible for a lot of physical pain for her and would likely end her life within the next decade. I was still processing if I wanted to commit with her when she revealed that her condition was inflicted upon her by a previous partner who would bash her head into things repeatedly over the course of their very abusive relationship.

    I still cannot comprehend the emotional and physical trauma that she must be going through. I love her a lot, but her situation felt a lot bigger than I would be able to handle.

25. It highly depends upon what her past was. Some had very little past while others that was not the case. A woman’s past tells me a lot about her future actions and her emotional health.