We’ve been together for 3 years.. for a long time now I’ve wanted to free myself of my long hair and get it cut short (bob cut) – when the cuts were trending a few years ago I nearly got it done but my bf convinced me not to. I got it done about 10 years ago and it suited me back then so I figured it probably still would do now.
I went and got it done the other day – I got 14 inches cut off in total. I hadn’t told my bf beforehand as I wanted to surprise him. I noticed I’ve been getting more attention from guys since getting it cut, but my bf was annoyed.
Literally everyone is telling me how much it suits me but him. I feel the hottest I’ve felt in such a long time and I feel free; it’s liberating. Then I talk to him and he makes me feel rubbish about it all.
What shall I do?
38 comments
First. He’s being a dick. Second. Doesn’t it feel great?
If a mere haircut bothers him this much you kind of have to wonder if he’d be all that supportive if you had to shave your head for brain surgery or if you lost your hair during chemo. He’s really on the what-should-be-mature-by-now side to be this vexed about it.
>[31F] [31M] Boyfriend is upset I got my hair cut short submitted by ThrowRACoffee1
>We’ve been together for 3 years.. for a long time now I’ve wanted to free myself of my long hair and get it cut short (bob cut) – when the cuts were trending a few years ago I nearly got it done but my bf convinced me not to. I got it done about 10 years ago and it suited me back then so I figured it probably still would do now.
>I went and got it done the other day – I got 14 inches cut off in total. I hadn’t told my bf beforehand as I wanted to surprise him. I noticed I’ve been getting more attention from guys since getting it cut, but my bf was annoyed.
>Literally everyone is telling me how much it suits me but him. I feel the hottest I’ve felt in such a long time and I feel free; it’s liberating. Then I talk to him and he makes me feel rubbish about it all.
>What shall I do?
What do you want to do? What do you think your options are?
Edited to add: Thanks for the downvotes! I really do want to know what OP thinks her options are. She already got the haircut, she knew he wouldn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. She can’t un-cut it, she can’t make him like it, so what are her options? Stop asking him about it, enjoy the haircut that she loves, let him feel how he wants about it, or get a wig, grow it out, never cut it again?
When my wife looks the greatest, it’s when she feels the greatest. When you feel good, it’s like an aura that goes out and people pick up on that.
Your bf sounds like he’s upset you are validating yourself. He isn’t controlling how you feel about yourself and he’s trying to take back that control, even if it’s in a negative way.
Go feel good about yourself. He can get with the program or go away. Life’s too short to let people sap your happiness.
Wear your hair however you like it. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about it as long as you like it.
Maybe he just doesn’t like it? What is he saying? I mean a haircut can change someone’s look entirely, there is definitely haircuts that would make way less attracted to someone, so you can’t expect him to attracted or happy about it if he doesn’t like it. Obviously he can’t control what you do, but I think it was naive to expect him to like it when he clearly showed before that he didn’t.
My wife drunkenly cut her hair a couple years ago. And by drunkenly I mean, she was wasted and one of her friends got some kitchen scissors and went at it. Luckily she made an appointment the next day and got it fixed but it was still short! Wasn’t my favorite but she looked great still and I tried to hype her up for it. I prefer long hair.
OP, you knew he didn’t like short hair and you decided to surprise him with something he wouldn’t like, don’t know how else you thought it would go. Hopefully over time, he sees how happy and confident it makes you feel and grows to like it.
“I wanted to surprise him”- Surprise him with what exactly, the haircut that he already made clear he didn’t like? I’m not sure exactly why you expected him to be stoked.
“Literally everyone is telling me how much it suits me”- Female friends though mostly, right?
Your female friends will judge hair differently than most cis men, who generally prefer long hair on women because long hair looks sexy, youthful and feminine. Think of porn; how many popular female stars with bob cuts can you think of (or if you can’t do names, just the last time you saw a porn star with a bob cut)? Not many (if any), I’m sure. When men get to choose what they find attractive on women, you don’t typically find them cutting their hair short.
Of course, there are some exceptions to the rules (but we’re talking majority sex appeal standards here). It is generally only women who think short hair looks the best on other women. For most guys though? At best, its typically just a case of “Yeah she looks good (but she’d look better if her hair was longer)”
It’s your hair, your body though- you do what you like. But if you’re with someone and they say “Hey, I’d rather if you didn’t get X as that would make you less attractive to me if you did” and you just go and do it anyway, then expect the obvious. I’ve seen it happen with all kinds of things too; boob jobs, tattoos, haircuts, beards and more while people’s partners go “Please don’t do that it’s unnattractive to me” but they go and do it anyway (and then complain when the ovious happens),
What matters is not other peoples opinions, but your partners (which is arguably 2nd to your own). Sometimes you might disagree on things, but I can see why your BF isn’t keen on short hair (because most guys aren’t). But if you like the results regardless (and it doesn’t seem like you got this haircut to be sexier to your BF as he already made it clear in advance that it would have the opposite affect on him), then that’s all that ultimately matters.
“Surprise! I got my hair cut the way you hated before! Act like you love it like all my girl friends! Oh you don’t?”
Is he in love with you or is he in love with your hair
I don’t get it. You say he is annoyed, and he makes you feel rubbish. But you don’t explain what he’s actually doing or saying.
You got a haircut you knew he wouldn’t like, because he talked you out of it last time. I don’t know why you wanted to surprise him with something you know he doesn’t like. It’s no surprise he doesn’t like it, since you already knew that.
So it all comes down to what he is actually doing or saying. He is allowed to not like your haircut. You are allowed to not give a flying fuck whether he likes it.
It sounds like you’re happy with your new style. Good for you! If he is being a jerk about it, tell him so. But don’t expect him to like it. That doesn’t make any sense.
You didn’t tell your boyfriend because you knew he wouldn’t like it. It’s a terrible idea to surprise someone with something you know they don’t like.
You haven’t said anything at all about how he is making you feel like rubbish? Just that 3 years ago he convinced you not to get it. Then that he was annoyed that guys were hitting on you.
If you want a certain hairstyle you should get it but be well aware that your boyfriend doesn’t like it & isn’t going to pretend to. Doesn’t sound like he did anything wrong from what you said.
If anything it’s not kind to spring something you know he doesn’t like on him and expect him to pretend like he does.
So you did something you knew he would not like and are surprised that he’s not happy about it? What did you think would happen? This is not about control or validation but personal preference as well as you springing something on him that you knew he would not like. Relationships are about compromise and you haven’t, which is your right, but no one says he has to like it.
Let’s turn it around. If you hated beards and he decided to grow one that overnight that was 14 long, would you be telling him how awesome he looked or would you be upset? What about a tattoo?
You have the right to do what you want, including cutting your hair how you want but don’t be surprised if having a girlfriend with long hair is something he finds attractive is is upset.
“I realise you don’t like my haircut but I don’t style my hair to make you happy; I do it because it makes me happy. I’m aware of how you feel about it so there’s no point bringing it up further; I won’t expect compliments on it from you, but I’d appreciate it if you could keep your criticisms to yourself.”
Not really sure what you’re expecting here. You cut your hair in a way your bf doesn’t like as a surprise and now you have a shocked Pikachu face that he’s not supportive or enthusiastic about it.
That being said, he probably isn’t dating you because of your hair and he’ll get used to it. Wear what makes you happy.
I mean my wife won’t let me shave and idc really. I’d look fine without my beard, maybe just too young looking. I don’t care about looking good for my own sake more than her sake.
You can’t do much, my wife did this at some point to me as well, pretty early in our marriage, long hair at least 5 years and came home with a short bob… I was furious and beside myself, all of her friends and coworkers encouraged her but I couldn’t support it at all. Things were rocky for a little bit then I settled.
When we finally talked, about 2 full days later, I said it was more because she did it as a surprise was a good idea and generally I’m gonna say this broadly I don’t think men EVER want to be surprised or at least not like that and we are not big on other people changing what we really like.
We’ve been married for near 11 years and dating longer and she has done it a few times since but she told me long before so I had time to prepare myself and I appreciate it as “a different look and feel” and support her but that surprise factor was not it for me and our relationship.
So what did you expect?
You knew he would not like it. He even managed to stop you a previous time.
And the extra attention from others will not be helping him come to terms with it.
While personally I think people can have any hairstyle they want, as beauty shines from the inside, and if you are feeling confident and amazing, then you just shine brighter, not everyone thinks like I do.
So what do you want to do?
You can either do as others have said and remind him that he has no say over your hairstyle so if he doesn’t have anything nice to say, he can shut up.
Or
You can just ignore him.
Or
You can break up with him.
So, you knew he was not gonna like it, but decided to “surprise” him with it. It’s almost like you did it on purpose out of spite?
Recently I’ve taken interest in relationship dynamics and this sub never fails to entertain me of how miserable some couples can be.
‘I understand that you don’t like my haircut, however I do. I make choices about my body. You make choices about your body. If this is an issue then I guess we are better off going out separate ways.’
Enjoy your haircut people really have no idea how tedious is taking care of long hair. If it’s a huge issue for him what you do with your hair, then he can leave.
I’ve been with my wife 40 years. I’m attracted to long hair. It’s the first thing I notice about a woman. Not her butt, or boobs or any other physical feature. My wife had hair down to the middle of her back when I met her. It was such a turn on.
About 10 years ago I come home from work and she is sitting in her favorite chair with a big smile on her face….with a short bob cut. I was floored, and not in a good way. She asked me how I liked it and I mumbled out it looked nice. I had no other words I could get out at the time from pure shock. It was awful. She kept bugging me about it for days and I just kept saying it was fine, and looked good, but I hated it. She looked like a totally different person and that style cut didn’t go with her facial features at all.
Our intimacy took a little bit of a hit as well. So about 2 weeks later she sat me down for a talk. She said you really don’t like my haircut do you? And I finally admitted I didn’t. She asked why and I just told her I didn’t think it was a good look for her and she knows I like long hair. She said she didn’t think it would bother me that much and I just shrugged my shoulders. I said a heads up would of been nice, but it’s your hair, you do what you want.
I also said it would be nice to get the same consideration I give her on these matters. She asked what I meant and I said why am I now clean shaven for the most part? Why is my hair a medium length when I actually like it short or even buzzed in the summer? She looked at me and said because that’s what she likes. Yep. To me it’s a 2 way street , compromise if you will. So she asked if I would like it to a shoulder length, it would be less for her to take care of and still be a little longer for me. So that’s where we are today.
what shall i do ??
nothing lol .. rock your hair cut and leave him in the corner to grow up a little 🙄
Your SO is not going to like everything you do. But their reaction to it tells you everything.
Who is telling you it looks good?? Strangers or your friends?? 😂friends like to hype you up!
I’ve been with my significant other for less than you’ve been with your boyfriend, and we both have always understood that after a certain amount of time together, it’s common courtesy to discuss significant changes in appearance. This doesn’t mean you ask him for permission, but it’s also not cool to cut 14 inches off of your head and radically change your appearance. If I shaved my beard without talking to my partner, she would feel upset as well.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s expected that you respect your partners opinions and discuss things. At the end of the day you can do what you like with your body, but I think you were in the wrong for not having the conversation.
Oh and remember, this sub is 90% bitter and lonely people who would happily see you join them. Take the “fuck what he thinks” advice with a grain of salt. Relationships only function if both partners respect and communicate with one another.
Look. About 6 months ago I decided to cut my dark hair short and dye it blonde. I know my boyfriend doesn’t like short hair and that he likes dark hair. I still did it because *I* wanted it. I didn’t expect him to love it. He said it was a big change, he prefers it long but he’s glad I finally did it cause I’ve been wanting it for so long.
It really comes down to what your bf is saying about it. Is he being mean? Degrading? Or is he just saying he’s not a fan?
I mean, to be fair, even if it looks shit, most people are going to say to your face. “Wow, no, he’s wrong. Your hair looks great like that”
You already knew he didn’t like it, what’s there to surprise him with? I would probably not be too happy if my girlfriend did the same. The fact that you get more attention from guys doesn’t really help the case either. I mean do whatever you want, but it’s just naive to think that it wouldnt be a problem.. even if it shouldnt
You did this for you, not your boyfriend, don’t try play this off as a surprise and spontaneity. It’s something you’ve wanted for years, and someone he’s argued fought against.
He is entitled to like a particular style, literally everyone does. We all know that style the crazy guy has an we avoid it like the plague.
Would you be pleased if he did a monk cut? Are you entitled to a partner you find aesthetically pleasing, is he?
So much ☕ in the comments…
When you’re in a relationship, you can’t just do certain things as you please when you know they’re gonna have a negative impact on your partner.
OP, you’re 31 and acting like you’re 17.
Furthermore, you say that “Everyone is telling me how much it suits me”, who’s “Everyone”? The other guys you want attention from? Your family?
Grow up, OP.
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PS: I know I’m gonna get downvoted to oblivion by the ☕, I honestly don’t care.
Your hair, your choice
>I noticed I’ve been getting more attention from guys since getting it cut, but my bf was annoyed.
This says all there is to say about this, really. You’re gonna be single soon, just get on with it and speed things up. You are not ready for a relationship.
Tell him you’re thinking about getting rid of another few inches…
This comment section is not passing the vibe check.
He doesn’t have to like the haircut. However, he knows YOU don’t like it, and it is YOUR hair. Barring any health issues, a decent boyfriend would get over himself and not expect you to maintain something physical about yourself that you aren’t comfortable with. The part where it gets into red flag territory for me is that he makes you feel bad for doing it. I do as I please with my hair and my husband can get over it. I’ve had braids, dreads, cut my hair, extensions, an Afro…and my husband has never made me feel bad because the style wasn’t his “preference”. He always told me if I’m happy, then he’s happy and I’m beautiful either way.
Some of y’all don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like and it shows.
So, what did you expect? Its like if your partner doesnt like tattoos and y get tatooed in the course of the relationship. If you want to do it do it, but you know he/she is not going to like it. He will get used to it so the only thing you can do is wait, because you can’t change people likes.
Just to let you know this is a male thing.
So many clients have done this and the male has always ( 85%) hated it shorter.
Males in general just prefer longer lengths.
At the end of the day you need to do what make you feel happy and good.
The same way he does it for himself.
He will get over it.
He is definitely allowed to not like your short hair. Everyone has their own preferences. Some people will like it better and others will like it less.
But it’s your hair, and you are allowed to cut it. If she is now no longer attracted to you, he is allowed to break up. But it makes you happy and confident, so don’t let that influence anything.
Of course, if he is being mean about it, that’s a different story.
> I hadn’t told my bf beforehand as I wanted to surprise him
No. You got the hair cut cuz you wanted it. And it seems you were too scared to tell him cuz he was already pretty against the idea before.
That or your bad with surprises lolol. Joking aside…
…Your hair, your rules. That’s part of a relationship dynamic. If they don’t like it and all they can do is insult you… well shiiiieeeeeet time to send them out to find someone else to deal with their judgmental ass.