My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months and everything has been going smoothly except for the fact that I get jealous when my boyfriend talks to other girls, (with good reason). In the beginning months of our relationship he met a girl named N. And he talked about her and how cool she is. I didn’t really pay much attention on if they were talking more than that. ( I wasn’t mentally scarred at the time.) but I went on vacation with my family. And I guess N and him hung out. We then call one night and he tells me he cheated on me. I then was shocked and then woke up the next day with a full broken heart. I had trust issues with him but they’re slowly going away now. And now ever since that happened I have jealousy issues and get insecure if he talks to a girl that is not me. Are my feelings okay to have?
TL;DR my boyfriend cheated on me, and now I have some trust and jealousy issues about it
13 comments
You know you don’t have to stay with a cheater, right?
Don’t date someone who cheated on you and you do not trust. It really is that simple.
The problem is, you’re still calling him your boyfriend. Leave the relationship asap. Since he obviously still chats up all these girls, he isn’t remorseful. He’ll keep doing it, since you stuck around with him the first time. If he tells you he cheated, it’s ok and you’ll stay with him.
Cheaters deserve scorched earth. Nothing but ash.
Send any proof you have to friends and family.
I wouldn’t say that’s jealousy. It’s disrespect you feel. He cheated on you, when you were trusting and secure. You’re not jealous. But, you should end things with him. He showed you he doesn’t respect you or your Relationship, and he never will
It’s absolutely normal to be insecure, because he’s already shown himself to be untrustworthy.
It can be simultaneously true that he’s changed AND you’re hurting too much to continue the relationship. Him changing does not erase the past, and all those negative emotions from him cheating have poisoned the space between you two.
It really is likely better for BOTH of you two if you break up.
Proud of you OP that you’re ending things! (Based on your comments). I stayed with a a BF years ago that cheated on me early on – couldn’t even tell you why exactly I stayed but it was a big mistake, and it was sooo freeing to dump his ass and move on to much better things in my life. I promise you deserve better and when you’re ready for it, will get it. Stay true to what you deserve in life!
At your age you should be establishing what you want in a long term relationship. That should be trust and honesty. You should also not be wasting your time on relationships that are full of drama and where you have a lot of issues you gave to work through. Dating should be fun.
This guy cheated on you, and it’s not like you’ve been married 15 years and have kids and a house and cars together. You have no foundation to build on and nothing to build for. I agree you should break up with him.
Why do you want to be miserable. That’s the real question.
Look, I am sure you know that a partner should be able to chat to people of the opposite gender. You can have male friends and it’s okay, right?
The issue is this guy cheated. And even though you’re trying to make it work he is basically continuing the same way as always, right?
To me the scary part is that you are now slowly conditioning yourself to be paranoid and untrusting. Because he is sketchy you constantly have to be on your guard, clearly you don’t trust him. But what happens if this fear carries across to your next relationship or future relationships. Relationships where maybe this fear on your part, you wanting them to avoid talking to women, will result in the relationship not working. This guy cheating on you could be something you carry a long time if you aren’t careful.
He isn’t worth that. Literally nobody is. Don’t destroy yourself protecting something already broken, something he chose to break.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
If cheating is a fundamental deal breaker for you yet you are still trying to hold on to this person, you’ve got to ask yourself what is it about your past that you’re trying to fix. What are you trying to prove by staying with a cheater? Are you trying to prove you’re worthy of being his first choice? Are you trying to avoid feeling abandoned or rejected as you were as a kid by your mother or father? What wrong are you trying to correct by teaching your BF that you’ll never leave him even if he cheats on you?
You need to sit with yourself and ask why you feel being with a cheater is good enough for you/ it’s the best you’ll ever get so you should stick it out.
You’re an amazing person. Yes he cheated. That’s his fault though. Not yours. Your bf is broken enough to cheat, it’s not your responsibility to fix him.
You are deserving of a love that is steadfast and consistent. You had a gut feeling something was going on. Perhaps another lesson here is to trust your gut.
He’s not really your boyfriend, he’s just going along with it to have access to consistent sex or intimacy with you. He knows you’ll stick around even if he treats you badly.
Get out girl.
Feelings are valid, but either one of the two needs to happen:
1. Learn to forgive him ( only if you want to stay in the relationship or you’ll resent him)
2. Leave. (If he has done it multiple times, or if you cant move past)
Feeling like he’s doing it again is gonna happen until he proves to you it wont happen again but thats a him problem. If this is the first time he’s done it, id suggest giving him another chance, but thats IF his actions aren’t defending the said problem.
You’re a teenager. You don’t even know what a relationship is. Focus on your education and forget about boys.