TW: none consensual sex
Honestly I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but I’m not sure where else it could go. I actually typed this up already but I accidentally closed the app which deleted everything, so sorry if I miss something out.
At the beginning of December I (19F) broke up with my boyfriend (19M). We’d know each other almost 2 years and been together about a year and a half. The reason I broke up with him is because of something that had happened back in October.
We’d both had a long day and all I wanted to do was to go to sleep. Important information is that we’d been to a wedding so we’d been out all day and had a couple drinks. I got in the shower and into my pjs as soon as we got back to my house which was around 1am.
We got into bed and he asked if I wanted to put on the TV. I said I didn’t because I was really tired. After about 5 minutes he begins touching me, I move his hand away multiple times and tell him, again, that I was tired and wanted to sleep. He didn’t listen and carried on touching me.
He ended up having sex with me when I didn’t want to which hurts because he knew I’d experienced things like that in the past. I tried to bring it up to him in the morning and he just got all quiet and said he was drunk.
Something changed after that night and I didn’t feel the same anymore. And whenever I tried to bring it up he’d got quiet and not say anything (which is something he does with a lot of things because he says he doesn’t like talking about emotions).
Anyway to the next part of the story. There’s a lot more messy details I could write about the break up, like crying, trying to talk to him but not getting anything back, but I don’t want this to get too long. The bottom line is that we broke up.
About a month after the whole break up, I joined Tinder because I was bored. I didn’t really intend to meet anyone, just wanted to see what happened. I ended up matching with someone nice and we met up a couple times. I had sex with him because I chose to.
Anyway while speaking to my ex he asks if I had done anything with someone else and I told him that I had. He got upset and said he couldn’t believe that I moved on so quickly. I get where he’s coming from but I also think that it depends on the person.
I asked him what he thought was worse. He said that he thought what I did was worse because he never had sex with someone else.
I guess I just want to know which one is worse in your opinion?
5 comments
You broke up after he sexually assaulted you, you clearly and firmly told him no, multiple times and he still did it anyway. What he did to you was horrific, you choosing to move on after you broke up? Perfectly normal, no one but you get to decided how soon you move on.
I’m not sure why exactly it’s any of his business though really tbph.
The second he violated you, was the second in your mind the relationship was over. You checked out in October, even if it took until December for it to finally end. So honestly, you were already over the relationship, but he didnt realize it. So try to explain it to him that way. The minute he took your trust, was the minute you checked out. Honestly, it doesnt matter if he is hurt over what you did AFTER the break up, you broke up. His feelings and concerns are no longer your problem.
He’s gaslighting u. Rape/sexual assault is very obviously worse, as u having consensual sex with someone while you’re single is a non-issue. Why are u even still speaking to him let alone telling him about your personal life? I understand it can be hard to do but u should just block him on everything. What’s the point of keeping in contact with this red flag of a “man”?
He sexually assaulted you, thats wrong. You had consensual sex with a new partner which is perfectly normal.
Your rapist is mad you got a new boyfriend?