I know this is dumb, but I think I need a different perspective

So yeah…. For context I’m a F 21 college student. I never had a bf/gf before and for the most part never felt like I really had a solid friend group. I met this guy, and at first I thought he was very cute. My then friend at the time forced me to tell him even after I said no. ( I find many guys and even some girls cute but I never say anything because I’m certain they’ll put me down) long story short we remained friends and occasionally hung out. Over the course of one particular semester he offered a hookup, my horny ass said yes. From there it’s been a casual FWB deal. I enjoy it for the most part. The problem is, I always wanted a more emotional connection. Im big on physical affection and I keep finding myself wanting to give affection. But with this dude I feel like I really can’t be fully comfortable with him. It’s not because he’s mean, he’s rather nice and respectful. I just got more attached then I wanted to be. We share moments after that kinda cross the barrier of what I understand a FWB to be. Sometimes I feel used, and it’s not a great feeling. He’s also got a poly thing with two other girls, something that I never brought up as he never says much about it. Recently he’s been trying to talk me into moving in with him and his roommate after he graduates. Even said he had a semi serious talk he wanted to have but was always nervous about. I don’t know what it is, but he’s never said anything else about it since.

I know he most likely sees me as a fuck buddy and just wants to keep a good thing going for as long as possible. I’m not entirely idiotic. I cry about it every now and then, try to minimize it by telling myself I’ll get over it someday. Try to tell myself about all the reasons why he’s not for me (he’s a slob, poly, ect) but it never seems to stop me from feeling unwanted. I want to believe that once he’s gone I’ll be able to just forget about it and treat it all like a learning experience.

Though he’s not the only one leaving. A good deal of the friends I’ve made over the last year of going to college here have ether turned out to be crazy, distant, or not that nice to others. I can only count one, maybe two people tops who I feel are genuinely good friends that I can feel comfortable with and they’re about to be out of the picture. Idk when I can graduate now. I just feel so alone.

Granted I’ve gotten used to it over the years, i grew up in a lonely environment and was finally adopted out by my Aunt and Uncle who are wonderful people. Though that since of longing never left and I sill feel like an outsider to most. It’s one of the things me and this guy have in common.

I know I gotta love myself and all, and I feel like I made a ton of progress over the years. I’m not as droopy and awkward as I was in my teens. I know this kinda thing happens. I get feelings for a guy who has no interest in me and then I try to pretend like it’s nothing. I’ve been told I’m cute. Hell, I know I am. But my looks never really got much attention.

What’s more? My folks keep telling me to just focus on school, this is after being told that I still have not found a bf/gf. I know my studying is important but it’s getting kinda old now. It’s like they feel bad for me, it makes feel like an oddball.

Thanks for sticking through that. I just needed to get that off my chest🥲