Sorry for the long story, I think the last para is my main question, the rest is just me trying to provide context:

I have always had anxiety, gave me depressions for quite some time. Wasted a lot of my school years because of it. Lost a lot of opportunities. But well somehow, I made it into work life.

When I was in school, I thought I should focus on getting into a good university and as universities usually are I thought I’ll get more opportunities to get over my social anxiety because there is no way you can get through law school without having social skills. Nope, turns out you can. I still have social anxiety. I just always found work that never required me to face my anxiety. And when the few times it did, I just made it through by focusing solely on work.

When I got out of college, I didn’t know what to do because everything required social skills, so I just went for a masters and made a point to actively work on my anxiety. It helped a little, now at least I don’t look weirdly quiet or unapproachable. I actually made some connections and friends.

But there was always some kind of blockage that stopped me for going after the bigger opportunities. And when I did, I’d lose it all to last minute panic attacks. It’s frustrating, because I know it’s not because of my lack of knowledge, information or capabilities as a lawyer. Just something about it all makes me completely blank out.

Then I actually got a job, and since it started with an internship online, it was easier for me to showcase my skills over a period of time instead of doing a short interview/recruitment process.

It’s all great, but I thought once I got a job, I’ll automatically have more opportunities to be more social or practise my social skills. But it’s work from home, and I still have anxiety and no progress.

I have no personal life, I don’t go out. I want to move cities, but the fear of people and just fear in general stops me. What do I do? I think I can make friends and talk to anyone if it’s about work. That’s one thing I am proud of overcoming. But I still have a hard time talking to when it’s in a different setting, where I don’t have my profession giving me a sense of self worth, like in a store, restaurant, etc. I see how far I’ve come when I look back but there’s always such a long way ahead. Will this never end?

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