I don’t feel really worthy enough to date/have a relationship with. I have high functioning autism and I feel like that is going to turn off a lot of women (I’m a lesbian). When people think of autism, they tend to think of Down syndrome. Or they think we are sociopathic monsters, children, or people who scream all the time. Due to my autism and probably other factors I haven’t had a job before even though I’m in my early 20s. I would like to have a job but I don’t feel smart enough or capable enough to keep a job. I’m slow at processing things and I don’t think many employers are going to have the patience for that. I am hard on myself and feel a lot of the time I am using my autism as an excuse and I feel any girlfriends would feel that way too. They would want an actual adult not someone who is physically an adult but who acts 16. They will want someone who has their shit together and who can handle adulthood.
I remember taking an official IQ test a few years ago and I remember my IQ being in the below average range. Even in school it would take me a few times to learn stuff and I don’t learn by being shown something because I forget the steps. Following verbal directions is also hard for me. I remember getting scolded by teachers for this and it’s hard for these experiences to not make me feel bad about myself. Somehow I can drive but I often feel like I don’t deserve my license and only got it because it was an easy test and because the examiner felt bad for me. I make the Dean’s list in college but I downplay it because I only go part-time and the classes aren’t that difficult anyway (my major isn’t hard).
5 comments
Are we in therapy at all?
If you want my advice, I would try to get a job. If you can make the Dean’s list at your school, you’re not stupid. Any job you try to get, there’s always a learning period and your coworkers will know that. Getting good at your job will build your confidence up and you’ll meet new people. You’ll realize that nobody is perfect and your fear of failure was just a way to punish yourself. That’s how it was for me. I worked for my family’s business until I was 25 at home, but that first job where I did residential work really opened my eyes up and improved my self-worth and social skills.
I don’t know you and you may be slow, but if you’re able to pass your college classes, you’re smart enough to work at a grocery store. If you want to keep a job, just show up on time and you’re half way there. Good luck to you!
Oh please people self diagnose themselves as autistic, adhd, bipolar as a fashion statement these days. No one is going to care they’ll just use it as an opportunity to tell you about their own disorders. Autism is super common and normal to be open about now, you’ll be fine.
Just chiming in to let you know that as a guy “on the spectrum” I had very similar concerns in my early 20s.
You *absolutely* can end up with a job/source of income and likely will, but you will have a more difficult time adapting to changes in management or negotiating conflcits with colleagues than other people might. Job-hopping will likely be common. Also bear in mind that those of us on the spectrum tend to be the best “fit” in less-conventional places of employment, like having a career in performance or the arts. I’d suggest thinking about what you’re genuinely passionate about as an individual and working from there.
I can’t speak as to WLW dating experiences, but from my time hanging out at local gay bars I can tell you it’s *very, very common* for people who either work at or hang out in those places to be on the spectrum. If you’re in a city with a strong LGBT+ community (which will overlap heavily with neurodiversity) I think that this will be less of an issue.
Hi. Guy here .. Don’t underestimate yourself. Getting on the DL at college is an awesome achievement irrespective of your course or how often you attend. Try and get a part time job it will serve two purposes… cash and socialisation.
Be confident in yourself. You can do anything if you try.