My Situation is that I am going to sleep at a Woman’s place today which I have been seeing for the past month. She probably thinks or maybe expects that we are going to have sex but I don’t want have Sex tonight. The reason is that I recently saw another Person and had unprotected Sex (condom broke). And I’m just overly careful about sexual hygiene, so I wanna get tested first before continue to have sex with others.
She and I talked about seeing others and we are fine with it, we just made it a rule to respect the other person and to not mention these things.
So it’s kinda tricky. I feel like it would be kind of mean to mention sex with another person as a reason for not having sex with her, because of the rule. Maybe I should tell her I am tired? I don’t want her to think that I see her as less attractive now either tho.
What do you guys thinks should I tell her?
9 comments
It seems like you have a rule about respect that directly contradicts communication regarding sexual health.
I would come out and say straight up that I think it’s best I get tested before we’re intimate again.
Honestly, condoms prevent some STIs, but it’s still possible to contract STIs through oral as well(which most people engage in unprotected).
So let me ask you this? What is the likely worst case scenario of what happened with the condom breaking?
If I were in your shoes, and was sleeping with someone who was seeing other people, I would already assume risk(unless your both tested and monogamous there will be risk regardless). So what I mean is, she might already assume there is some level of risk in seeing you and might not care about the fact that a a condom broke.
If you’ve discussed seeing other people, then part of that also includes being able to have this discussion if necessary, which in the case of reassuring them you don’t have anything will hard if you can’t explain why.
You’re not obligated to justify why you don’t want sex if you don’t want sex. She is not entitled to an explanation, even if she wants one, and she should just respect your boundaries. In a way: you could even see it as a good “sorting hat” situation: does she respect you and your boundaries?
That said, I am not a big fan of dadt. To me, the better policy would be to just tell her what is up. You don’t have to go in details, but just telling her that the condom broke shouldn’t be an issue. If you are both fine with seeing other people, that you should also be fine with hearing about each other’s sex life with other people once in a while.
Condoms don’t break dude, …. And so use a condom, .. I don’t get it. If you’re a condom using kinda guy, wouldn’t it be normal for you to wear one? Stick to the agreement.
Just keep in mind that HPV and Herpes are not usually tested for and you will not be able to tell her that you are clear of those 2 diseases.
Keep an eye out for any possible symptoms/outbreaks.
you should just cancel.
like if you’re that worried let’s be real about oral too. if you had that much respect or concern for her…maybe you would have just skidudle’d out of the sexual situation with the other person knowing you were gonna see this woman soon.
So you can fuck others but you dont tell each other, cause that would hurt your feelings.
So probably stop fucking others if it has the potential to hurt her?
This rule is not only dumb but it stands in the way of good communication.
You should tell her your condom broke and you want to get tested before having vaginal sex again. Done.
And after that you may should talk about having casual sex and hookups and how to handle that in the future.
And dont forget lots of STDs arent tested. So you’re always at risk.
Plus if the condom broke ask yourself why. Was she wet enough? Was it rough sex for a long time and you didnt change the condom? Was it a cheap brand? Did you put it on wrong? …
Either tell her straight up(recommended) or find an excuse to not hang out until you’re tested and confirmed clean. Since you have an agreement to not mention these things I think either option is fine, but personally I’d feel better with direct communication
You should tell her in advance. Just be honest that you slept with someone else. If sex is off the table she may not even see the point in having you sleep over.