This is a guy i met at a party. My friends already know him. We followed each other on instagram and turns out we both draw. Im not interested in him romantically btw. So anyways 2 weeks ago i texted him that we should definitely have a drawing session together sometim. He suggested a day and i didnt reply for a couple of days cuz i was busy and having second thoughts (i have social anxiety).
I then apologized for replying late and then we finally decided on meeting today. We are meeting at 5pm at a museum to draw there together. It is currently 4pm but i dont wanna go. Im so stressed. I hate myself for always suggesting things that i dont wanna do because of my anxiety.
**Is it rude if I cancel now? Im so nervous**
UPDATE: Went! Super fun! We clicked so well was so easy to talk and we will hang out soon again. Also he has a gf so thats good 🙂 (im ngl tho i did take some kratom before going)
34 comments
It would be rude, but you must be comfortable doing what you do.
If you do cancel, this is up to you (and requires trust) but it would go over better if you tell him you have social anxiety.
If you decide to go, go easy on yourself and don’t feel like you have to be perfect. Assume the guy does not hate you unless he gives you a very clear signal on that.
It sounds like you’re having anticipatory anxiety. Is there anything that helps calm your nerves? Keep in mind this guy seems nice, he wants to spend time with you, and there’s no romantic interest so you don’t have to worry about impressing him. Take some deep breaths. What about pushing back the meet time like an hour or so? I get bad anxiety too and oftentimes that helps me have enough time to calm down and rally.
I recommend going. To leave your comfort zone every once in a while can really help. That’s how I work on my social anxiety, push myself into situations where I’m forced to socialize. Sometimes you just gotta do it.
It’s fine if you just don’t want to go though. I wouldn’t personally see it as rude.
Objectively, that’s kind of rude… however, you’ve gotta do what’s best for you. I think if you’re honest about your social anxiety, the other person may be more understanding, though.
Or, you could push through, go, and likely have a fun time!!
You should go and get home early if you don’t feel well.
That makes you accountable for what you are saying, and you cancelling last minute will less likely be an option for the next appointments you have.
Its an hour. Imo its too short to cancel.
I think you should go, you would probably have a much better time than you think.
Getting outside of our comfort zones is where we grow, and it sounds like you can make a real friend here with a common interest.
As a person who has anxiety and also does things like this the best thing to do is just push passed the anxiety and just go. You’ll more then likely have a good time. Hiding behind your anxiety only makes it worse and much more easier for you to be controlled by your anxiety and you’ll miss out on great times and memories because you let your anxiety control you. I know this from personal experience and it sucks just push passed the uncomfortable feelings. Remember you are in control of your life and not your anxiety.
One of the biggest things people take into consideration regardless of attraction or not, it’s their word. If you can’t keep yours this is not going to look good in the long run.
yes it would be very rude to cancel an hour before youre suppose to meet, especially if your excuse is anxiety. i have pretty severe depression and moderate anxiety, so i know how crippling it can be, but you have to understand that being nervous isnt really a viable excuse to 90% of the rest of the world. dont make plans if you cant follow through. im kind of appalled at how many people are telling you its fine.
It has been an hour since you posted, and I hope you went.
I know how it is to have anxiety about going anywhere, and it hits the hardest when you need to get ready to go.
you’ll have plenty of times like this in the future, and this time seems like it can be an enjoyable one, when you get used to him, and the environment. could take like an hour ish to some, but once you start drawing and discussing ideas, it’ll flow away.
I would advice you to fight the anxiety and DO it. I bet you’ll have a wonderful time. You only have one life, if you cave into anxiety now, next time will be easier to cave and harder to fight it. You have a wonderfull opportunity in front of you, which you might regret it in a couple of years.
Anxiety doesn’t just go away, youhave to actively fight against it because in the end, when you draw the line, it WILL WORTH IT.
Curious to know if you went. An hour cancellation is rude, yes, but if you genuinely don’t want to draw with this person, that’s ok. Just analyze whether it’s your anxiety getting in the way or a true desire not to do it.
I think you might want to go, If you don’t go
It will feel fine in the short term because your avoiding a situation that is dangerous according to the social anxiety brain.
But if you do go and actually try to enjoy your reinforcing the brain that such a thing is not dangerous and that you shouldn’t worry.
I know it’s easier said than done, but what’s the worst that can happen. Really answer that question to yourself and you’ll know what your anxiety brain is trying to protect you from, good luck.
If you cancel this close in, it is not only very rude, but you may also be seen as a flake.
The other person freed up their schedule to meet with you, so you need to respect it when you’re just an hour before the scheduled meeting whether you are feeling anxious or not.
I hope you went. Canceling last minute for a non emergency is a shitty move especially if you don’t suggest to reschedule. Don’t be that person
It is rude.
Would it be rude to cancel the meeting you set up? Yes.
But, if you don’t want to go you have to cancel. So it is what it is.
Please don’t say yes to things you can’t do. You’re just wasting people’s time.
This is a no brainer.
Yes, it’s rude to cancel so last minute if nothing legitimately important came up that meant you have to cancel.
It’s better if the latest you cancel on someone is at least the day before, so they can then plan their day ahead accordingly.
This is exactly the same reason why businesses operate a minimum cancellation notice period – if you’re a no show for a reservation in their schedule, you’re inconveniencing them by costing them their time/space/lost potential earnings.
Flaking last minute for no good reason is never a good look.
I would be annoyed, but understand and accept it if you cancelled an hour before. If you dont go *and* dont cancle, i would hate you.
Standing someone up is a really shitty thing to do
If you bail now don’t expect another chance later.
Yes, that would be rude. Decide if that’s who you are.
I’m guilty of this too, and from past experience I can say that it doesn’t give a very good impression of you to others. I ruined many potential friendships by cancelling at the last minute one too many times. Eventually people stopped giving me a chance and inviting me to events, and I don’t blame them.
The anxiety will also just get worse after you cancel, since now you have the guilt to deal with when you next see them.
One thing I’ve noticed is that I always wind myself up before an event to the point where I feel like it’s going to be a disaster if I go, but when I do end up going, it’s never as bad as I thought it would be – and I often end up enjoying myself!
I do hope you ended up going, but if not then you should try to apologise the next time you see them, and try to not do it again if you are truly interested in a friendship with this person.
what is kratom
I’m happy you went! Life works out sometimes.
I’m (34F)and have had anxiety as long as I can remember. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 3 years. I do the exact same thing.
Throughout the years she has shared with me the following:
1. Ask yourself, “if I go, will it help me or hurt me? “If it will help, do it. Hurting meaning is it dangerous? Will it physically,mentally harm me. Etc. 2. Anxiety is a feeling, just like hunger, sometimes we attend to it or let it pass. Let this pass, and go. Feeling uncomfortable is normal, but just because that feeling is there doesn’t mean you have to stop dead in your tracks for it. You can push through it. 3. Most of the time you won’t regret going. You will have fun and want to do it again! 4. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen? Or that you think will happen? Let’s say it’s, he ends up being really quite or never shows. Would you be able to handle this? Yes you would. 5. Worst case scenarios typically end up not happening. 6. Anxiety is separate from you, if you want to be the type of person that makes plans and follows through, follow that as your guide. So anytime your anxiety shows up think nope, I made a plan and I’m going through with it even if anxiety shows up at my door. 7. Your anxiety is that annoying girl telling you to not go. You are not her. You are two different entities. You don’t have to listen to her or do as she says. 8. Anxiety will sometimes be your passenger on “your bus” that day. Say hello to her, welcome her, but don’t forget you don’t have to be consumed by her, you don’t need to sit next to her on the bus if you don’t want to. 9. Most people don’t pay that close of attention to you then you think. 9/10 ppl are more focused on themselves then they are you. 10. Be patient with yourself, you may be an introvert/extrovert. So constantly being around people may drain you. It’s okay to cancel plans. But remember, staying in your bubble, and staying comfortable doesn’t allow you to grow and you may miss beautiful opportunities.
Careful with the kratom…
Stop taking kratom wtf. Thats like smoking k2. Its not regulated nor studied for short to long term effects.Have you read up on it at all?
my top 10 favorite moments exist because i did things with people i was really reluctant to do so absolutely yes
Anxiety isn’t a reason not to do things. When you give into it and let it stop you from doing something, that’ll just reinforce the behavior. When you push past it and realize that many normal/nonscary situations will generate a little anxiety, you’ll be able to better read when listening to anxiety is a good thing. There are plenty of legitimate times when you should listen to anxious thoughts, but there’s also a very long list of things that will make you anxious that need to be done anyway. Anxiety is an alarm telling you you’re in danger, if you listen to it without rationally contemplating the legitimate threats and realistic outcomes, you’ll end up fighting with yourself, tire out, and give in to inaction.
I’m glad you went, sometimes you need to do things that are scary but 95% of the time it’s going to turn out okay, 4.98% of the time something small will present itself as an obstacle, and only .02% of the time something seriously bad will happen. Take the chance, if you don’t, someone else will, and you’ll end up watching as a bystander in your own life.
Stop smoking kratom
Then u wonder why u have social anxiety
It’s not good for ur mental health or regulated, heard it can cause seizures
So glad you went today, I know socializing can be hella stressful! Just so you know though, kratom is suuuuper addictive and as someone who going through it trying to get off of it for like the 10th time, stay away from that shit.
What’s a kratom?