I’m [f24] developing a crush on a friend [f25]

So around 6 months ago I moved to a different city. I met a girl and we became quick friends.

Fast forward to now, we’ve had multiple sleepovers, stayed with eachother for a week, spent the new years together etc. She and my partner get on well amazingly. They’re two sides of the same coin and my partner thinks the same way. We’re long distance so he can’t be here for everything and likes that I get a “replacement” person. We’re all very chaotic high energy people, but I’m not loud like them so they love that they could scream at eachother, while I’m just vibing.

Some time ago, around a week, I’ve realised that I’ve developed a crush on her. She used to ask me if she’s my type. I am bisexual and so I showed her my Tinder account and my matches (partner knows and I found some friends on there already) and she quickly exclaimed that she does look like my type. I sheepishly replied “kind of, on the spectrum”. Which I went back to around two weeks ago and showed her one of the girls and said “welp. Guess you were all along”.

We’re always joking about fucking eachother, slapping eachother’s ass, she has seen my boobs multiple times (even drew on them) and we’re generally starting to become comfortable with eachother physically. I caressed her in a club’s smokeroom (I admit, I was teasing her. She’s attractive in full ravewear) and she turned around and hissed “don’t do that, I’m getting horny”. Partner was absorbed by a conversation so he didn’t notice.

She’s much more experienced than I am. She has slept with multiple people, has dated around and in general she’s one of those “crazy” types. I am into it, personally. My partner was also more experimental than I am, but I settled for him as my second sexual partner and nothing has happened since. I’ve kissed two girls while extremely drunk and I don’t even remember the event. We call it an open relationship but personally, men are a no go for me. We both agreed that girls, especially bisexual ones, are completely okay. We stick to it. The agreement is that once I have a friend I can fuck, the threesome topic will be broached.

The most intimate moment between me and her has been a recent depressive episode she had (bipolar). I caressed her leg and then, when I was completely sleep deprieved and just let go, I cuddled her. I could tell she woke up for a second, but she didn’t move away. Didn’t wiggle out. It was very wholesome and we both paid no attention to it in the morning. We always touch butts while sleeping and when very very drunk, I touched her a bit but she must have fallen asleep.

So my issue is, with the overwhelming evidence that we both are into eachother and whatever this thing is (a crush? friendship? sisterhood? nothing specific?) how do I let go of my fear of physical intimacy? I get very anxious and physically unable to perform unless I’m very drunk. The only person I was immidiatelly comfortable with was my partner and I was also drunk… I guess I could take her to a bar and try to kiss her (very likely she’s waiting for it as well) but I’m scared of what would happen later. The previous time a friend baited the girls “c’mon you’re both into eachother. Kiss her” and I’m wondering if taking her with us would be better.

Recently I asked my partner if he finds her attractive and would like to sleep with her and he immidiatelly said yes. I told her so and she was acting very proud “I know everyone wants to do so” and offered a threesome jokingly. She previously mentioned a foursome and I told it to my partner as a joke and he was… up for it? My recent relationships have been all over the place.

I think about kissing her but also taking care of her, because that’s how I am with all of my friends. I am confused but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to date her. I don’t see myself in a relationship with her. More like friends with benefits? Not sure. But we plan on moving in together for the duration of our stay in the city. It’s going to be crazy.

Help