so i’m meeting up with a good friend A of mine to thrift, but i just found out that another good friend of mine B is also coincidentally going to the same location to thrift as well, and she’s going alone, so we are all bound to see each other.
both friends know each other as we were all classmates and are on friendly terms, but the both of them are not close.
i was looking forward to a solo hangout with A, but in this case, am i supposed to invite friend B along to thrift and ask friend A first if it’s okay first? and am i supposed to invite B for the rest of the day if we were already thrifting together, as that only takes up the morning? more importantly, how do i phrase my invite 😵💫
this is actually a general problem i struggle with too😭😭 – do i have an obligation(?) to include friends in existing plans that were made without them?
3 comments
You have no obligation to please anyone, ever, at any point in life.
We choose to consider others, and it shows great character that this has created conflict for you. You care but still want boundaries.
If you want to he considerate, then yes, I would ask party A if party B could join. If yes, then invite them.
But, invite them for thrifting. Afterward, just simply say it was great to see you and you and your friend A head on out. It’s only as awkward as you make it, and if you can be respectful, they won’t think anything of it.
IF in the rare case they ask what you guys are doing, be honest and say you two had a day planned to spend time together. Most people will respect this but, they might ask to tag along.
This is where you make the decision.
I would consider it more rude to invite yourself along somewhere than for someone to not include you in prearranged plans.
So, depending on if everyone got along or if I really did enjoy seeing friend B, I would make my decision then. You would have covered all bases of courtesy while still maintaining your plans for the day. Don’t worry about pleasing others, you are important also.
Just let friend A know as a courtesy that B is coming along. Then on the day, try to keep each of them looped in on the thrifting so they can get better acquainted and won’t feel like you’re playing favorites. This has always a been my job in the friend group, to make sure everyone feels included.
None of my friends are friends with each other. They know of each other but probably couldn’t pick them out of a lineup. I also don’t know their friends that well. This compartmentalization seems to work for us.
You don’t have to invite anyone anywhere. If you see one while you’re out with another, don’t be rude. Talk to them. Then leave with the one you came with. Spend time with the other one another time.
The other option is to integrate your friends. I’ve had mixed results with this in the past 🤷♀️