Hi reddit, I (34f) accidentally stumbled upon naked photos/videos of my husband’s (34m) ex on his Google Drive account and I wanted to get advice on this.
Background information: we’ve been married for about 1.5yrs together for 4. He was with this woman for 10+ years and they share children. We are logged into each other’s email accounts on each other’s phones, this came about naturally as sometimes his phone was closer and I needed to check an email and vice versa.
I was looking for a work document on Google drive and I needed to switch from my personal account to my work account and I accidentally clicked on his email because his was right above my work one. The first thing I see when it switched accounts was multiple naked pictures and videos of his ex wife. Needless to say this was a very unpleasant shock for me. I looked in the activities of each file and they were uploaded when they were still a couple and had not been modified since. I don’t know if that means he hasn’t opened or looked at them since then I’m not sure.
Now I understand that being with someone for over 10 years you’re going to have pictures and videos of them, sexy and not. I just don’t understand why he still has these. Whenever I break up with someone I always make sure to delete any intimate pictures of them as a sign of respect idk. I don’t really see him using Google drive at all so I don’t know if he just forgot about these or what. This literally just happened and he’s still at work so I haven’t heard back from him.
Part of why this is affecting me so much is because his ex has been a thorn in our side for our entire relationship. She is rude, narcissistic, and mean. She talks shit about me and my husband to my step-kids. She has crossed so many boundaries and has tried many times to get my husband to go back to her, even after we got together/married, all while trying to maintain the narrative that he’s a piece of shit and she wants nothing to do with him and that she’s so much better off without him. He has tried his best to shut her down but unfortunately we still have to be in contact with her because of the kids.
I’m honestly kind of in shock right now. I’m mad that he still has this stuff saved. I’m literally shaking and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or how to address this with him.
Tldr: I found naked pictures and videos of my husband’s ex saved on his Google drive.
6 comments
Just ask him. There is a good chance he forgot about them and would mortified that you found them.
Just be kind and listen to what he says and how he responds. Is he defensive? Is he remorseful? Does he readily say he will delete them and apologize for the misunderstanding? His reactions will tell you all you need to know.
I am sorry you found them. I am sure it was shocking.
He could very well have them to feel like he has some sort of power over her (unless she’s kind of an exhibitionist and is very feel with her body/sexuality)
U would delete out of respect. Does he have respect for her. For me it would be a very love/hate relationship due to the history so idk if having the respect to delete them is very important here.
It would only be respect for u but he was probably hoping u wouldn’t find out so he could maintain a sense of power over the bitch (even tho revenge porn laws are being implemented, it’s still a psychological thing)
You should be able to view the file “view history” unless he specifically turned it off. He may not remember he even has them but if they pop up and show immediately when you switch over, I find that a bit less easy to believe. As another commenter said, just ask him. Tell him how you found them and ask. His reaction will tell a lot about why they’re still there imo.
Google drive automatically uploads photos on your camera roll at the time. He probably deleted them on his phone after the breakup but didn’t even know they were on his drive.
Don’t overthink this ♥︎ As an exmaple, my personal Google Drive is just a dumpster for me, I have no idea what’s on there. I used it 6 years ago but don’t use it anymore and can’t be bothered to look through the files and delete whatever’s outdated. If you say he doesn’t use it then there’s a veeeeery high chance he doesn’t know the photos are on there. Just talk to him, she sounds like a horrible person so I doubt he kept the photos for the “good memories”.
It is possible he doesn’t know they are still there.