I feel bad because as much as I know it isn’t true, my brain tells me that my friend doesn’t care about me as much as she says

Sorry for the long title, I just don’t even know how to describe what I’m feeling. I’ll try to keep this short.

I have a friend who moved to my city for school. She lives across the world from me but we met online a few months before she came, and we really hit it off. Now that she’s here, she’s incredibly busy with school (understandably) and we don’t chat as much as we used to, but that’s okay, I expected that and I know why that is.

I just get so worried and I feel so selfish and petty because she’s made lots of new friends at school, and she’s always hanging out with them. Even writing that, I’m getting pissed off at myself because how could I be so selfish? OF COURSE I’m happy she’s made more friends!! I truly want her to enjoy her time here, but…idk, I’m just scared I’ll be “replaced.” I struggle with abandonment issues REALLY badly (in case you haven’t guessed lmao) and idk…I guess I fear I’m not good enough for her.

Whenever we do talk or hangout, we always have lots of fun. It’s never a dull moment between us. I’m interested in her life and hobbies, and she’s interested in mine. We are open with each other and tell each other what’s on our minds. We’re always talking about how happy we are that we met, and just the other day she straight-up said she loves our friendship. She shares things with me that are personal or special, and vice versa.

But like, because I’ve been hurt so many times in the past, my brain is always looking for ways to “poke holes” in our friendship. It’s truly sinister. Like for example: whenever she’s busy, she’ll still make an effort to text me, but she won’t ever say she’s busy so I get “limited/bad” texting. (You know the type.) And it’s not a problem, because I know that whenever she’s doing that it’s because she’s busy, so I actually decide to terminate the conversation so I’m not distracting her studying, and then we just chat later or the next day. But my STUPID BRAIN goes “oh, she just hates you now. she’s bored of you. you pissed her off. you suck. etc.”

The most recent example of this happened today, actually. She’s going with her school friends to a cabin for the weekend and she won’t have any internet/service. And I understandably was not invited because this is a university-gang trip and none of her school friends know me, so it’s fine, I understand. Anyway, last night I asked her to say “hi” before she left so I could kind of “see her off” and chat before she left, and that didn’t happen. Now, the logical part of me is like “she was obviously busy and/or had a lot on her mind and she just forgot.” The anxious side of me says “you’re not important enough for her to make the effort” or even worse: “she purposely didn’t say bye because you’re annoying, etc.”

Anyway, the logical side of me is 100% sure that she cares about me, because she says and shows it frequently. But I just can’t kick the “you will never be good enough for her” voice in the back of my head.

And truthfully, I’m tearing up while writing this paragraph now because it really hurts. She knows how I feel about her, and I know how she feels about me. She’s one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had and I am so fortunate and lucky to have her. I just don’t want to lose her.

Any tips on how to deal with these feelings, or even people going through the same stuff would be appreciated. Thanks.