It’s been bugging me a bit. I had kept myself in self isolation for a couple or three months due to some other issues, so I had barely met anyone in the semester. But i still had close friends from three years ago who i met here and there during this self isolation period, barely, but they are my circle.
I (22 M) slowly started opening up and hanging out more and went out with a friend (22 F) to pass time. It was fun. We met again. This time we ended up also going out to eat and then went to a pub. We got a little drunk where we were able to open up emotionally and connect a lot, and things escalated and we ended up together for the night.
After that, it was confusing for her and I didn’t feel right about it either. She said she didn’t know what she wants and wasn’t sure if she even wanted to talk to me, and said she had barely met me at all before in the semester, and said that she had other things (which i do know about and she told me about them before) going on, and her emotions just turn off, this was too much on top of it. Said she didn’t want me to catch feelings or anything like that. Said she wanted space before we could talk, I understood and I gave her space. For context, I didn’t text or talk to her after she asked for space. Saw her at a friend’s birthday (who’s in the circle), and we just kind of avoided each other.
Later on, like nearly a month after, she sent me a follow request from her 2nd instagram account, I accept, she removes me few hours after. I sent a text after a week to checkup to see if she’s okay but got no response. I let it pass by, hoping time will help fix the friendship and maybe help forget the night. Then, another month after, which is about a couple days ago, she removed me from her main instagram as well. No explanation or nothing like that.
I don’t know if I should reach out, and try to talk to her. A part of me does, because I do really value her as a friend and that’s how I see her, especially since she’s part of the circle and was someone i could open up to. But another part of me just feels that it will come off as needy (which I guess I kind of am, because after self isolation i really do need time with friends), and I would just be dumping my self respect into the bin, and there’s no point to it because i guess the ghosting is her way of saying she’s not interested in the friendship or any kind of connection or fixing it. I am torn between the two. Immediately I wanted to reach out since it’s bugging me a lot and I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but now I am thinking I shouldn’t.
What would you guys advise?
2 comments
You did the right thing by reaching out.
But don’t continue to pester.
It sounds like she is focused on school and other things from your comment, which is respectable.
I would change your position from trying to have a relationship to having a friend that you can have some fun with.
Tell her you aren’t looking for a commitment either, but you really enjoyed meeting her. After that, it is in her hands whether she wants to continue contact with you.
All you can do is try to be kind and understand their position. Just don’t push for something that isn’t there, or the time isn’t right or whatever. It just makes things awkward and complicated. You are young. Have fun.
As an outside observer I would say that her behavior is communicating that she doesn’t want to be your friend. I know that it’s probably tough to hear, I had a similar thing happen to me recently and I empathize. It sounds like you guys had a connection and that was good regardless of how long it lasted. Not to go all r/relationships on you but if you are seeking something with someone why does it have to be her? You’re probably cool af, man! Keep your eyes peeled and don’t be afraid to use the energy you were planning on trying to make something happen with this girl on someone who is also looking for a friendship/relationship.
I do like to add to these things that I’m just an internet rando who probably doesn’t know what I’m talking about.