I’m 23M, I’m Vietnamese, live in Texas. I just got my first software job in a totally new city.
Making friends are easy, though making long-term friends are hard. I am joining some social clubs to help me but it gonna take awhile to make any real connections. I tried dating apps but no luck. I want to start conversations with random girls I walk by, I always chickened out.
I want to pursue girls that are above 7/10 (not models), but it’s hard since I’m only 5’5 tall in Texas. I’m ENTJ, ambitious, and workaholic so I’m not a party person and not very ‘interesting’. I’m not good at sport and I don’t invest in my fashion. Also I’m not confident with my accent and I have a hard time communicating with people if I go to Night Club. I also like East Asian girls but there are not a lot in Texas.
So how do I find a girlfriend ? The only 2 methods which I’m working on are joining social groups, and talking to random girls (some people think the latter is weird, but I think this is most natural method to make real connections and it’s a skill I want to master)
2 comments
> Making friends are easy, though making long-term friends are hard
Honestly? I would focus on this. Not because women are impossible to find, but really, women come and go, and a couple good friends are more valuable than any new partner.
> I’m ENTJ, ambitious, and workaholic so I’m not a party person and not very ‘interesting’
Your accent might make it hard to communicate, but that doesn’t mean people won’t ever talk to you. *However,* if you want them to keep listening and staying in the conversation, you need to be interesting. You need to be able to talk about things with people.
> I’m not good at sport and I don’t invest in my fashion
– hit the gym (maybe learn about football idk it’s Texas I feel like if you at least try people will be willing to help you figure it out which is good socially)
– learn how to dress. At bare minimum, learn that how your clothes fit is key. Male fashion advice is a useful subreddit.
> I’m not confident with my accent and I have a hard time communicating with people if I go to Night Club
Don’t waste your time on night clubs if it’s not an area you feel like you can be your authentic self
1. Establish what exactly it is that you’re looking for. Most guys don’t have a clear understanding of the type of girl they’d like to meet to get into a relationship with. You need to ask yourself what qualities would your ideal partner possess. What would her values, traits, interests and aesthetics be. Doing this will help you screen the type of woman you’ll allow into your life, and ensure you share common interests and are compatible when it comes to your values and morals. Also, most men, when speaking to women are solely focused on their looks. If you have standards and you can display this to the woman through your qualification, she will appreciate that you’re searching for depth of character over shallow aesthetics and attraction.
2. You’ve heard the phrase; ‘How can you love somebody else if you can’t love yourself.’ Working on yourself and finding self-love is an essential endeavour to partake in before searching for a partner. If you don’t have high self-esteem then this will cause you to cling to your partner and ruin the relationship, so be confident in you, your accent and everything you have to offer.
3. Understanding attraction and what women are attracted to.
4. Building your confidence through the act of courage, setting your own standards and not endearing to societal wants.
5. Put yourself in the area where your ideal women would visit. This is about demographics and understanding where your ideal woman may hang out, ie; yoga class, gyms, libraries, music events.