For context: I am 23, only have had 2 boyfriends in my life. I am currently with
my second boyfriend (hopeful he’s the one).. my first relationship was a toxic abusive 8 year relationship. This second relationship I am 6 months in and is wonderful. I have had 7 partners total, 5/7 were casual hook up partners.
With said hookup partners, I found myself letting loose with sex. Confident, bold, being verbal, talking dirty, doing all sorts of positions. Not worrying “AS MUCH” about my body..
It started that way with each of my boyfriends, but slowly overtime becomes more boring because I get shy. I don’t want to ride, I don’t want to let them see me naked, I hate the sound of my moans etc.
is this just a simple case of relationship sex can get boring and u have to constantly switch it up? Or is my self esteem issues just kicking in and I’m becoming nervous. My take is that because I know am attached, and have feelings for this person, I value their opinion of me more. So now I am overthinking my performance and body, and the way I look?? Anyone experience this??
9 comments
There are a lot of reasons to enjoy getting to know someone and enjoy the closeness and intimacy after getting to know someone very well after years of closeness. There are many women I know that develop contempt for their partner over time. I believe part of it is the lack of communication.
The lack of inhibition with hookups could be telling you something about how you perceive yourself. I highly recommend getting into counseling. Find someone you trust and stick with them. It has worked well for me.
Hope this helps.
You definitely are on the right wavelength. Having hookups is not as serious as a relationship when it comes to thinking about how the other person feels therefore you can feel more comfortable with doing things and possibly messing up because what risk is there if they find something odd if you can just move on simply.
When it comes to relationship sex, communication and experimenting is the way to go. You don’t always have to experiment but trying to find the things that work best for both sides means you’ll have to at least a little. Just because what you have to give and the performance is the same time and time again doesn’t mean it’s bad sex at all. If there is passion and love in sex with your partner there shouldn’t be any issue, especially if you two are enjoying each other’s bodies.
As stated, just be sure to communicate to make sure they know what feels best for you and if it feels good for them. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions or suggest something you wanna try, nothing wrong with trying to spice things up once in a while as well! Most importantly, have fun! Sex is more the fun part of a relationship but it’s not the most important. As long as your partner loves and accepts you for you then they should have no issue with the usual sex 🙂
Yup exactly. Both getting routine and caring more.
You already know what’s up. Good job figuring it out.
Everyone has those kind of thoughts because we can’t read minds. Just let them come and just as quickly allow them to go.
Fear of being judged makes everyone shy and timid. Instead accept you’re not perfect and allow yourself to be fine with that.
I’m guessing it’s because you didn’t give a shit what your casual partners thought about you, they were just casual hookups and nothing was at stake. But with your LT partner, you’re scared of freaking them out, or turning them off or whatever it may be. With your partner you have something to lose so your sub-conscience is holding you back.
Edited for a couple of typos.
You need therapy. You had an 8 year abusive relationship
I left my ex for this reason. That’s disgusting
Therapy
I have seen this a few times. Almost like Madonna whore complex or something
I’ll tell you something though, there’s nothing worse than being your BF. What a shitty situation. Your girl is open and slutty for other guys but a prude for you. Every guys nightmare
I actually have the same issue. It can be so stressful, especially after the deed, cleaning up and such. I am always hiding and it makes me so sad, because I know he knows how I look like. And he likes the way I look like, obviously.
Unfortunately I don’t have any good advices, but you are not alone.