I don’t want to write a wall of text, but I want to explain myself a bit so people understand where I’m coming from.
For pretty much my entire life, I’ve been attracted to taller women. I have fetishes such as height comparison, being picked up/carried, and some roleplaying. I’m into some light domination, but I’m not into femdom, being humiliated, treated like a toy/slave, etc. All my relationships have been with shorter women, except for a taller ex of mine. During our relationship, we both engaged in each other’s kinks/fetishes, and were pretty sexually open-minded.
I am trying to date again, but I just can’t make sense of this massive sexual hurdle I’m facing.
I’m afraid of trying to date a girl who’s shorter than me. In one of my past relationships, I stopped being attracted to my partner & started fantasizing about being with a taller woman. My ex never knew about my fantasies in detail (for obvious reasons), but she could clearly tell I lost my sex drive, and it devastated her. I could never risk hurting someone else like that again.
I have tried to date exclusively taller women (which admittedly is how I met my ex), but that still limits my options tremendously. I’m 5’8, I’m not exactly “short” (maybe average height?) but there aren’t *that* many women who are taller than me. And in the event that I *do* meet someone who is, I’m terrified of opening up about these fetishes. I fear that they would just run the other way and think I was just using them.
The easy solution might just be “get over yourself” — but this isn’t like a switch I can just flip off. I have been in therapy for years trying to understand this and come to terms with it. I can’t help that I have the fetishes I do — all I can do is be honest with myself & anyone I show interest in. I have true, genuine intentions and want to someday build love and a long-lasting relationship with someone I’m attracted to. I have no interest in using anyone for sex.
My questions for anyone here (most specifically, taller women) — how can I best communicate these sexual needs? Is there anyone who would ever understand me?
4 comments
> And in the event that I do meet someone who is, I’m terrified of opening up about these fetishes. I fear that they would just run the other way and think I was just using them.
1) Why the need to immediately talk in detail about your ‘fetish’ of taller women? Just say – ‘taller women turn me on, I love that you are taller than me.’ If she runs the other way **she isn’t the right one for you and it’s a good thing that you scared her away!**
2) If you like the taller woman you are dating and she doesn’t run the other way when you say that taller women turn you on, go on a couple of dates and *do not have sex yet*. Then lay your kink cards on the table and say something like this:
“So hey, we have a few dates now, and I’ve really enjoyed them. I’d like to see more of you. Also, I wanted to let you know that I’m very open-minded sexually, and there are some cool fantasies I’d love to explore that have to do with our height difference. If you are interested, maybe we are perfect for each other, but if not, no harm no foul and we can go our separate ways. So what do you think?”
The reason you don’t have sex first is because that creates intimacy and a connection. If the sex is good, it’s hard to walk away, even if they hate the idea of your other fantasies.
I think the bigger issue is finding taller women who are (1) Comfortable dating someone shorter than them (2) Possess the other traits you find attractive enough to want to be in a relationship with them. Tall women are rare, like you said, and the amount of them willing to date someone shorter is rarer.
As a human, I dare say few of us like to be “fetishized.” Maybe start frequenting roller derby bars or WNBA games, if there’s any in your area? I’m 5’11 and “suffer” from gender scripting in that I feel less feminine if I’m “not” with a big and tall guy. That being said, most of my partners have been about an inch or a half an inch shorter than me. I would be confident, and approach one of us Amazons on a dance floor – club, concert, bar with a stage- and just be your awesome self! ✌🏾💗
Would I at 29? Maybe/maybe not. And looking back, I certainly missed out on some amazing relationships in high school because of that then-prominent “I’m not petite” head trip. Would some theoretical female in your future be exactly the Tree your soul craves? Make it so, ensign. Make it so. Confidence is one of the sexiest things. Go find your Queen! It’s Friday night!!