My husband and I are happily married and really don’t have any issues.
Our sex life is totally fine, although he definitely has a higher libido then me. We’re very open and always talk about everything and I know it’s been his fantasy for me to squirt, unfortunately I’m not able to do it yet, but I do try sometimes.
In the beginning of our relationship we agreed that we don’t really like porn and he said he doesn’t need to watch it – he has my pictures and videos he uses when he needs to “beat off”. But about a year ago I found him watching a porn video with a squirting girl on it. Hurt. We had a conversation, I explained that it hurts me because he’s doing it thinking I will not know about it. It was only this one time and I told him “if you need to watch porn, I’d accept it but I would rather want to know about it”. We agreed, no issues.
Yesterday I was on my period and he said he’s horny so I said I can do oral/hand but he wasn’t really interested… ok, I went to sleep. And then I find him sleeping next to his phone with squirting videos on it.
And this time it hurt me terribly. First of all, this is literally the only thing I lack – squirting – and he needs to go and look at it somewhere else?
Second, simply broke our agreement.
Now, he said he’s sorry and understands I’m mad – but I don’t trust him with this anymore… I find him disgusting right now and I feel disrespected.
Am I overreacting? Should I let him watch it? I’d like to hear both points of view (wives/husbands).
11 comments
Just as important as whether you “let him” watch it is your feelings about it. If you don’t get to a point where you no longer feel threatened by the porn, then giving it your blessing will eat you up and feel like a betrayal.
The other issue is discretion. Lots of husbands watch porn secretively and are much better at hiding it than your husband was. Maybe porn will always be a sore spot for you, but if you have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy and you never have to see it or hear about it, then perhaps it’s not worth rocking the boat over it.
i think you shouldn’t care. It seems like he’s devoted to you. BTW, squirting is pee. I’ve looked it up. that’s what it is, so don’t feel bad it’s kind of gross anyway..
Somehow this really calmed me a bit. Thank you for your comments! At the end of the day it’s something we’ll have to figure out between us, but I’m happy to see some outside voices and see a bigger perspective too. Thanks a lot!
I’m a guy so take this for what it’s worth.
If your marriage and sex life is good, I don’t see why you care if your husband rarely watches porn that features a sex act he likes. I understand he agreed not to look at porn but why insist on that in the first place? Women who ask their husbands to never look at porn are really asking to be lied to.
Your husband should be much more discrete just out of courtesy. Leaving obvious evidence of his viewing habits around is just rude.
I watch porn all the time. Doesn’t mean I don’t want my man. Somethings I just wannna cum to sometimes… like a midget. Or a huge centaur man. I love my guy but sometimes I’m in the mood for something imaginary.
Porn is a fantasy and has nothing to do with you as a woman or a partner. Jerking off/attraction and emotional intimacy are different.
I watch porn occasionally, but never when I’m masturbating. Frankly, I find it repetitive and often completely unrelatable. However, when I do watch it, I’m in the privacy of our bathroom with the door locked. Thus my wife has never once seen me watching porn (so far as I know). “Out of sight, out of mind.” Perhaps you can tell your husband that his porn viewing really bothers you and that in the future you’d appreciate it if he only watched it behind closed and locked doors. You could tell him you want him to stop watching porn altogether, but I’d imagine he’ll keep doing it behind close doors anyhow, so why issue an unenforceable mandate?
I get this… I wish I could squirt also but so far no go: I don’t mind that my SO gets his fox somewhere else cause I know at the end of the day it’s still him and I being intimate. Also I am actively trying to bring my body to do this through mindfulness, getting comfortable peeing in front of him in the shower and using toys to over stimulate my clit.
Are you over reacting.
If it hurts you no.
But the reality his porn watching has nothing to do with you and may even enhance his desire for you.
If you don’t like porn, you don’t need to compromise that boundary.
If that is something that upsets you and makes you feel bad you should have a conversation with your husband about it and set up a boundary regarding his porn use. The fact that you offered him sexual pleasure and he wasn’t interested is a bit of a red flag for me. You might also want to check out the loveafterporn sub because alot of people have addictions to porn and it becomes a real problem in relationships. Not trying to scare or upset you. Just know, he should be respectful of your feelings.