I met this girl a couple of months ago and we casually dated for two months. Things were going well and I was about to ask her to be exclusive but then I started noticed she was pulling back. I didn’t contact her for about two weeks hoping she would be the one to contact first but that never happened, i caved and messaged her. She told me that she enjoys talking to me and that she really likes but she feels like things were moving too fast since she just got out of a relationship a couple months prior so she decided to take a break.
Fast forward two months, she texted me saying that she’s been thinking about me and wondering if we could give what we had before another chance. The emotional part of me wants to meet up with her and see what really happened and the logical part of me is telling me that i should just decline and move on. Even though I’ve been dating and talking to other girls during those two months, I still think about her from time to time and ask myself the “what ifs”. Honestly the only thing holding me back is her lack of communication. Im sure that if I wouldn’t have reached out after those two weeks of no contact she would’ve ghosted me with no explanation.
45 comments
Nope. She was dealing woth someone else and you are back up plan
She was still healing from a breakup and now that she has, she’s thinking about you. Had she wanted to ghost you she would not have replied when you reached out.
You were the backup, kept on the back burner. Now that the situation didn’t pan out, she’s back to try to fill that space again. I’ve been in this spot with the same person twice. He wasted 1.5 years of my time like this. If she isn’t giving the kind of communication you need, she won’t give it in the future either. My best advice would be to continue seeing and dating other girls and be thankful she removed herself from your path. These little red flags we ignore in the beginning, tend to be the very things that bring us down in the end. Best of luck!
“No, sorry. You had your chance with me.”
Definitely don’t try and be stuck up about saying no. Acting like you are dominant and cool by saying no in the end is just cringy. Just tell her you moved on or something but politely to make it sound like you truly don’t care.
If you just want sex/a hookup then I would go for it. But definitely, 100%, do not get in to a relationship.
As the girl whose been on the other end, if she has worked on herself & you know she’s not just “got around” then give her a chance.
I ended things with someone I genuinely cared so much about & wanted more than anything because I wasn’t able to be emotionally available. I’ve tried to go back to him but he’s fully rejected me now. I’d see how genuine she is, but honestly I only went back after I’d had therapy, had spent a few months fully alone, processing how I felt (not talking/dating other guys) & was emotionally available & because I wanted to commit to him. I’d kill for a chance with him & would never mess it up.
If she feels like I do, & you can try even slightly I’d say its worth it
No one can know how sincere she is but I’d tread lightly.
She could be telling the truth, plus you’ve already been thinking about her. Say yes and live a little. The worst that happens is it doesn’t work and you “wasted” a few weeks.
Or it does work.
Take a chance mate
Just to add; your self worth isn’t impacted by giving someone another chance. Don’t be walked on, or someone’s 2nd choice; but don’t be so insecure you can’t recognise they might have just been going through shit and sorting their head. Maybe she needed time to see if she likes you and not just relationships (after just leaving one)
I would meet her with zero expectations and just see what she says. But don’t put your dating life on hold for this girl – carry on chatting to other girls as you have been doing.
Personaly I wouldn’t.
Say yes. Meet once without expectation. Be honest and give your point of view on the whole situation. What do you have to lose?
If you feel like you have a chance with that girl and truly want to meet with her again, listen to your heart. I believe that if you don’t take a chance you want because your logical part tells you to move on, you obviously haven’t already moved on and are setting yourself back and taking away a chance to be happy. It doesn’t mean that you should just ignore your thoughts but you could meet with her and communicate about your problems and doubts about that relationship so you both could start fresh. It is all up to you and remember, communication is key to a healthy relationship.
Sounds like you were her back up plan and knew you be orbiting around; if her “Chad” didn’t commit to her. Leave it be and continue to date, you ain’t no Plan B!
You mention her lack of communication, but you did not communicate with her either. Dating is scary and weird and I can empathize for her just getting out of a recent relationship.
Context, me 26f just recently got out of a ltr and started dating shortly afterward. I met someone who I really really like, however, it’s so scary to actually connect with someone new and I was not expecting it at all.. I am grieving the end of my last relationship while simultaneously developing feelings for someone new. It’s overwhelming sometimes.
I understand why she pulls away, I do it sometimes too. However, above all, I communicate how I am feeling as best as I can. I explain my distance, I check-in. I reassure him that I am still interested I just need more space.
I think she just did not know how to articulate herself to communicate this with you, she should’ve, instead of leaving you in the dark. But heartbreaks are brutal, you are so fragile, so sensitive, so scared. You’re afraid to be fully intimate and connect with someone again. You pull away cause it’s easy. But no, communication is vital.
I would suggest to practice being emotionally vulnerable with her, show her that you are a safe space that she can open up to and be herself without fear of judgement. I know it’s terrifying when you both don’t really know one another, but to fully experience connection you have to open up. If you’re not able to, maybe dating in general isn’t best for you or her right now.
<3
You’re a perfect match for each other you’re both into playing games.
You should hook up with her and leave lol
Only if you like being the back-up guy. Hit it and next her ass. Definitely wouldn’t keep her around though.
Yes dude. Its your turn
Be honest with your expectations for communicating moving forward and pursue your happiness my friend.
No. She’s just circling back for attention.
**No** she had a better option, but he didn’t work out, so she is coming back to you as option two. **Never be the fallback position ever.**
When the trash takes itself out you don’t bring it back in
No. If she wanted you. You would’ve be. Reached out too. Value yourself king 👑
disregard all advice on here and trust your gut.
Her other option fell through and she doesn’t want to be alone. Run
This one’s tough. I’ve been the person on both sides of this.
I never ghosted anyone but there was a time I knew I really liked this great person, but was not in the right place for him because I was a mess after a breakup and some other stuff. I just wanted to bone and bolt. So I let him go. A few months later, I was doing so much better and ready to date seriously! He ended up getting into a relationship right then and so he’ll always be the one that got away. So maybe she was similarly not ready. I feel like I get a better read on people in person, so if you think this was the case, it might help to meet up.
However, it’s important to protect your heart in something like this. Cuz you say you were pretty sure she was gonna ghost you and ghosting is super immature imo. If you are only thinking about her in “what if” terms and not “I really cared for her” terms, your mind may have already made your decision.
OP getting more mixed signals in this comment thread than the last girl I tried talking to.
Fwiw I have been in her place before and was pretty broken after my ex dumped me. And I was more just dating to force myself to see that there are other people out there. I arguably wasn’t fully over it until 5ish months into dating. (I waited about 3 post breakup to date).
I can see it from both sides, maybe she has you as a backup from someone else. Maybe she actually needed to do some healing, do you know how long her last relationship was and how it affected her? It likely showed when yall were casual.
I would go with saying “yes” but have ZERO expectations and maybe… you know, like ask her why she said no? Don’t be clingy or sound hurt but just be like “So it’s good to see you after all this time, but I gotta ask. What happened? I mean I thought we had something decent and you weren’t down which is fine, it gave me the ability to explore more dating opportunities but why did you want to meet up? Because I’m not interested in being a backup plan. I don’t do games so whatsup?”
Just be direct and say the uncomfortable thing because at the end of the day it gets so much more accomplished than the wishy washy bs that allot of modern dating is.
Its your chance at the best outcome, either she doesn’t take it well and you stop wasting your time. Or she is open and honest and you both come to an understanding. Either way you have a straight answer and don’t leave yourself questioning how it went and feel the need to come back to reddit. 🤘
It’s really hard to make right decisions, because your heart wants her, but your mind says dont 😂.
If I were you, I would be honest to show her my thoughts and feelings during passed 2 months without blaming and toxic. Then, being friends might be the best things for us at the present. You said that she lacked of communication, so don’t be like her. Be kind!
No. Her first option did not work out.
She’s saying that because she was dating another guy and all he wanted was to fuck and now she wants to try with you.
She had other options in the wings and she tried them out. You gave her permission by backing away and not having a conversation.
Now that the other option fell through she is back sniffing around.
Say yes so there will be no more “what ifs”
I ignore girls who hit me up after 2 weeks of radio silence let alone 2 months 😂. But hey whatever floats your boat
Give it a chance. What could u lose?
So, you noticed she started to pull back and your brilliant idea was to (checks notes) NOT contact her for 2 weeks just to see if she would contact you? You fake ghosted her to see if she was going to ghost you… How old are you?
NO NO NO NO NO!!!
DO NOT DO IT! It will be the biggest regret of your life. Trust me, I did the same thing before and it hurt so fucking bad. You will definitely feel the same pain I still feel and won’t be able to get rid of it easily
Listen to your heart, and forget the past. Pursue if you want to.
So many people here are assuming she dated someone else these last two months and you are her “backup plan”.
I understand the reasoning behind such cynicism but it isn’t automatically the correct scenario.
OP, you can likely learn whether this is the case by asking her or, if it’ll calm any suspicions, by looking at her socials.
All that aside: if you’ve already been asking yourself “what if”, not trying again might mean you’ll always do that.
So please listen to those here who are telling you to work on communication yourself and, if you feel she’s been honest and sincere, give yourselves another chance.
SHE wants to connect with YOU. Go get yourself a front row seat and see what’s on show.
*don’t just be a spectator though you obviously have to get involved instead of turning up and expecting her to woo you.
What’s the worst that could happen, you go, you have a lovely time but, decide it’s not something that you want to pursue.
On the off chance that it could lead to a once in a lifetime relationship, you gotta go take a peek?
Good luck
No one can really know what her motivations for ghosting you actually were except her.
Maybe she really did realise she needed more time after her break up, and now she’s had that she’s ready to date again.
Or, maybe there was someone else, it didn’t work out, and now she’s back to try you as a second choice.
If you’re still interested in her, I would say there’s no harm in going to meet with her at least once. Get her side of the story in person and ask her about it casually. You don’t need to accuse her of anything, just give her the space to tell you what happened. Then if her story doesn’t add up or you’re not happy, you can just cut her out of your life and move on without the what ifs that you currently have
She failed with another relation, you are the alternative plan bro, just move!!
Age-old story of not being the 1st choice.
IMO just drop her. If you weren’t the 1st choice, you will NEVER be the 1st choice.
But if you can’t resist the urge, tell her that you are not looking for anything serious, but just something casual. If she is still interested, then at least you can conclude that she doesn’t just want the attention.
People are so jaded here on Reddit. Sometimes people do realize they’re not ready to date after getting out of a relationship. They thought they were ready but then weren’t and at least she didn’t waste more of your time. It’s not always about another person. 🙄
I’d be cautious. This happened to me once and I didn’t realize how serious the prior relationship had been—he’d been engaged and she broke it off. He pulled away, came back and it was fantastic for a few months and then he pulled away again. Months later, he apologized and said he’d been overwhelmed due to a family issue (his family was still squabbling over his father’s estate and he didn’t want to sell the family farm) but there was no going back. He’d burned me twice.
I have to disagree with everyone saying she had a better thing and it did go as she wished. I did this to my now husband back then boyfriend when we first met, I was just startled how much i liked him and i feared everything was going too fast. In those 2 months I was just doing my own thing and he would cross my mind often, then one day I thought let me hit him up and tell him how I feel, fast forward 6 years we are married. I would say OP reach out to her and be straightforward about what a shitty move it was on her part, then see how she reacts to your criticism. You got nothing to lose. Sometimes when we (women) are used to horrible relationships, when a good man comes along our initial thought is to run.