Hey everyone,
I’ve (M 29) been seeing this girl (F 28) for about 3 months now, and we’re in a kind of situationship, where we hold hands and kiss and fool around (but haven’t slept together yet, due to scheduels), and I like her a lot.
Last week on Thursday, my grandma passed away, and I was super depressed and vulnerable since I couldn’t even go to her funeral because my family is in a different country, and texted her on Thursday morning on how’s her day, just to start chatting with her. She usually takes a while to reply, since she’s obviously super busy at work, and I waited until that evening to send another silly meme, just to start talking to her, since I was depressed outta my mind. I was also day drinking to curb some of my sadness.
She hadn’t replied until 8.30 that night, and usually that’s no big deal, since she’ll probably be hanging out with friends and stuff, but due to my compromised state, I texted her I couldn’t believe she ghosted me and blah blah. And then I called her, at which point she immediately texted me is everything alright and she’ll call me as soon as she gets home. I waited for a couple hours and again sent a text saying please don’t ghost me and stuff…
She replied the next morning basically apologizing that she got drunk last night, and went to bed as soon as she got home, and asked me how I was feeling. At this point I had regained my mental state, and I was feeling almost normal again, and I apologized to her for sending such texts and then I called her after work and again I apologized profusely and we decided to meet this Friday.
But I’m worried now that I may have screwed up everything with her. I have never behaved like this in my life, and I feel very embarrassed. I’m planning to just tell her again on Friday how sorry and embarrassed I am, and hope we can go back to the way things were before, and I’ll never do this again. Do you guys think I could maybe salvage this situation?
TLDR – Sent embarrassing texts to a girl I’m seeing for 3 months accusing her of ghosting me, since she hadn’t replied for about 8 hrs even though that was her normal texting style, after grandma passed away and now feeling embarrassed and sad that I may have screwed up the relationship.
5 comments
All you can do is apologize and move forward. She’s agreed to see you again, so it sounds like you didn’t ruin anything.
The only person who can answer this is her, and it sounds like she’s okay.
How did she react? If she isn’t super upset about it you don’t want to over-apologize either. It can make people uncomfortable.
You could talk about what happened but don’t go in with assuming she is super pissed at you if she hasn’t really been that concerned about it. Especially with your grandma passing away she might be understanding why you behaved that way.
She might see this as a random one off due to grief, but she might also wonder if this is going to be a pattern- every time she’s busy and doesn’t respond right away, are you going to accuse her of this?
Dude, please just tell her that your grandma passed away that day, you were feeling really fragile, and it’s out of character for you. She will likely understand. If she’s meeting you this week she clearly accepted your apology, so be vulnerable with her and let her know what kind of headspace you were in.
Can I ask why you didn’t confide this in her the day it happened? It seems like you wanted support but for whatever reason didn’t ask for it, and that led to you feeling abandoned and alone. You’re dating this person, you are allowed to ask for some comfort. Being open and honest could help avoid situations like this in the future.
I’m sorry for your loss. I wouldn’t worry about screwing things up, it sounds like they’ve been smoothed over and letting her know what happened will likely clear up any residual weirdness.