To start, my consciousness usually disagrees with what my body thinks is a fun idea.
My last weekend I spent with my girlfriend(20f) and me(21m) talked about boundaries. Premise being, she denied parts of a truth or dare game because some dares had to do with kissing. I didn’t want her to feel like she was missing out but still felt like I wouldn’t like her kissing her guy friends(Which felt counter productive because she is bi).
This conversation opened up a bigger one that has brought me to this subreddit. We were talking about fantasies. For a while she wouldn’t tell me because she was scared I was gonna overthink it. I guess she was right in the end but regardless. What started me thinking is she kept pushing that these fantasies could be real. They were threesomes and spit roasting, amongst other things. All of this sounded extremely sexy but left me with a lot of anxiety about the reprochassions to our relationship and sex life.
Beyond the actions themselves I think I’m struggling, just wanting to talk to her about it because she was scared I would have a little anxiety. I want my girlfriend to be able to talk about those deep fantaisies, but I feel like I really need to tell her I want more time to explore us as a couple in college before we actually go about those fantasies.
Also most of this comes from this sexual portion, not kissing; I read a lot on this subreddit about a kissing rule. So that leaves me thinking even if she is just kissing for a dare that it might be something I regret in the long run.
TLDR: girlfriend talks about boundaries and it leaves me confused on where mine even are.
1 comment
Talking through fantasies as a couple can be really scary precisely because you are anxious about where their boundaries are in relation to yours. You always have the fear that you are going to go too far and put them off. or flip that round, there’s anxiety in thinking that your partner suggests something you’re not sure about (like making a mfm real or something), and thinking that could leave them feeling rejected and/or unfulfilled by not being so into it. Combined with the fact that we’re brought up with so much guilt and shame about our sexualities, it makes these conversations some of the hardest you’ll ever have. But the good thing is you’re starting. It can also be an exhilarating ride.