For the last 4 years, my grandpa has slowly been turning verbally abusive from caretaking for my grandma who has dementia. I help out with part time caretaking as well. However, over the last 3 months, it’s gotten really bad, and he’s pushed all of us away. I ended up with heart issues from the anxiety. Around this time, I met a guy, who I really grew to care for. He just made me happy, because he made me feel like I could be myself.
He would also often ask me if he could be of assistance to me in any way, or how he could help me. And because I’ve been taught to shoulder the weight of the world for the last four years with my grandparents situation, his kind words scared me. I had a bad anxiety attack this month from family stress and ended up in the hospital because of it. I admitted to my guy I liked him, but needed space because it felt like the weight of the world was crashing down on me & hopes I don’t take it personally. So yes, I pushed him away.
I didn’t think he’d ever respond again, but he did say he was checking in on me & thinking of me & hopes I’m doing better.
I responded by politely thanking him for his kind words.
But I know as much as I still care for him, I screwed up and I have to own up to it. I was so scared to bring someone into my life for fear they’d see how broken I’ve become.
Why did he continue to offer to help me and why did he still check in on me? My anxiety attack was bad.
TL;DR guy I like left after an anxiety attack
1 comment
He offered to help you, and kept checking in on you because he likes you, he cares about you, and he thinks you’re worth waiting for.
My best advice: call him and ask to get together. Tell him how much you appreciate his thoughtfulness and kindness. Tell him that you have just been overwhelmed being a caretaker in a very difficult situation, and that you just couldn’t handle the stress any longer. You pushed him away because you were taught that you should be able to take on the world without any help, and you were scared to be vulnerable. Apologize for pushing him away, and ask if he’s willing to try again.
Then listen carefully to his response. I’ll bet he’s still interested.
Also, please consider some counseling for yourself. Caring for a person with dementia is HARD, and it’s hard when the other caregivers are also facing burnout, as your grandfather likely is. (Been there, done that.) Is there any way to get some outside help with your grandmother to give you and your grandfather a break? If so, please do and don’t feel guilty.
I don’t think you’re broken at all. I think you’re exhausted and stressed. Please give yourself some grace.