If I try to describe it now I’d say its like there is a not in my chest, or kind of like my stomach is sinking or maby its dread, the thing is I really want to talk to people and develop relationships but it makes me physically uncomfortable thinking about it, this is kind of unrelated but I have another issue where I cut conversations off short before they can develop past small talk, I feel like this is due to the fact that this feeling usually worsens as I speak to people I don’t know well for more than afew minutes, I say feel like because I’m really bad at pin pointing what makes me feel the way I do and do the things I do and I have a variety of other assumptions for what could be causing that issue
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It sounds like social anxiety tbh. When it goes unchecked for ages it morphs into this feeling of being repelled that happens so quickly you’re not even fully cognisant of it. It can be quite common but still very isolating and the younger you start trying to tackle it, the better
Have you thought about speaking to someone about this like a therapist or a counsellor maybe? You seem anxious about letting people get to know you. Kurzegast did a good video on how loneliness can make you avoid social interaction and hesitate to let people get close.
Hope you can work through it OK