Did I pull the pin too soon? LONG…
I had been seeing a guy for a few months and last week told him I just wanted to be friends, however I think I did so out of fear of rejection and not because that is what I really want.
We get along well and always have a great time together however we live 2 hours away from each other and so we only see each other once every few weeks when I don’t have my son. We had been friends on social media before this but only officially met last October. On paper he is everything I have been looking for but I also understand it takes time to see if they translates into reality!
Last week he took me out for dinner and I stayed at his house, not the first time we have had adult sleep overs. The whole evening was great start to finish.
The next morning I couldn’t sleep in and got up and jumped in the shower, packed my bags, was dressed etc. I didn’t want to wake him as I am always an early riser.
Anyway he got up and asked what my plans were for the day the tone was very different to his usual. I immediately took it as a brush off and felt as though he was implying I shouldn’t stick around. He wasn’t outwardly rude and still offered me breakfast and coffee etc. But my anxiety kicked in.
My friends however disagree and think he asked that because I looked like I was ready to leave when he was just waking up.
He advised his plans for the day were to just do around the house stuff, mow lawns etc.
Thing were awkward when I left and he said “keep in touch” and I got home and essentially messaged him that we should be friends and that the distance was too hard.
He replied that he was OK with that and that he guesses there is a fair distance between us. That’s all I got. Although he is not a talker so I guess I wasn’t expecting much more.
I’m stuck between wondering if I made a mistake and if so how to fix it. Versus was he actually trying to get me out of the house and I should have called it.
Despite my fear of rejection I wish I had clarity now and feel really sad about the way I reacted.
4 comments
I think you need to work on your fears with therapy before dating again.
I don’t know why people do things like this. I think it’s better to do your best and try but fail than to give up…..
I’d have rather gotten dumped in this scenario….
I think it’s better if you two spend some time apart right now. You have conflicting emotions, and those are obviously wearing on the relationship. Figure it out, and then contact him when you’re ready to stick through the potential for rejection. Trust is a two-way street, and you need self-confidence and self-value to know that a rejection is not an obstacle but a freedom.
Maybe you did it because the distance would be an issue and he seems to agree
Maybe deep down you know it wouldn’t work like him but you cut it because you know it’s gonna be too hard and you don’t want to get more invested