Not really looking for advice but just an interesting conversation.
Me and my gf have been together for 7 years, she’s always had a lower libido and been a bit more vanilla than me, not a huge issue but in the past it’s created some frustrating moments.
We tend to avoid this by “scheduling” sex, me giving her massages etc.
We were talking about why she never initiates and why sex is a bit routine, she said that’s how sex is supposed to me.
It turns out she doesn’t get “randomly horny”, there’s no urges, she doesn’t ever find herself with that craving for sex.
Sex for her is something that she gets in the mood for once it’s started, she said she doesn’t ever have an urge to do anything different, her brain doesn’t connect a new experience to being turned on.
Sex for her has to be with someone who she has an emotional connection with as well as being attracted to.
She said she could go ages without sex if she wasn’t with a partner who wanted to have it.
She said she does masterbate but it’s mostly out of boredom.
She made sure that I understand that she’s attracted to me and really enjoys the sex we do have.
I’m the opposite, sex for me is like hunger, it’s a feeling that you can’t stop thinking about when you are in the mood, sometimes you crave MacDonalds, sometimes you crave lobster. But I wouldn’t want to eat the same thing everyday.
I always knew she was wired different than me and is different from my past sexual partners but we’d never really talked about the lack of urges and horniness as I didn’t realise it was a thing.
She’s offered in the past to have a one side open relationship and I’ve never understood why she wouldn’t want to meet people too, but it all makes sense now really. She’s now very adamant that I go and have causal fun as she didn’t know people are wired differently than her!
I love her an obscene amount and have no plans to adventure out of the relationship right now.