it really just sucks because i believe that people genuinely hate me, that im too depressed and no one wants to talk with someone like me. i feel disconnected from my friends and in friend groups, i stand out like a sore thumb because of how withdrawn i am from them.
at the same time, talking with people helps me feel better temporarily, my mind isn’t ruminating when im focusing on conversations. then when i go home i feel miserable again.
at this point i dont even know if I will ever feel connected with others. its just been so lonely.
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Try joing a sports team or a club in whatever . It may also help to listen to or read books about why you’re the way you are . Once you have the knowledge you’ll understand some new things about yourself your didn’t before which will grow into confidence .