Everyone says this to me. “You have a heart of gold”, “You’re too good”, “You’re so well intentioned”. Even my own parents and brother say this to me.
But I’m literally trying to live my life and do what normal people do. It’s like everyone else learned how to do things properly but I didn’t. I am always the butt of the joke in my friend groups. I also have pretty bad anxiety. And before anyone says these are good traits to have, this has hurt me more than it has helped me in life. I have always been behind all my friends and peers. Whatever it ever was, social skills, professional career, etc. – everyone I knew was way ahead of the curve and seemed to understand just “how to do life” better. It also sometimes seems like I wear this on my sleeve, like people can just tell I’m easy prey. Yet all these people just seem to have that vibe, where they can get away with saying things that if I say them people will look at me funny. Do I really have to just accept that I’ll be second fiddle to everyone? I get so jealous of these people’s confidence and ease of social interaction.
Socially, this has always hurt me. I have been so easily manipulated and continue to do so, but it’s always been too late before I realize it. People always put me in the spot when it comes to doing favors, like I’m backed into a corner to say yes. When people joke with me, they do it because they don’t think I can stand up for myself, and people tend to always double down. I have tried multiple ways to stand up for myself. One time I responded to a joke that someone made about me in a group chat and just took a jab at that person, but everyone else in the group chat was like “dude, know your place” – like I’m expected to take it because of the person I am. Another time, I just could not take the jokes anymore, and I ended up breaking someone’s nose and basically ruined the entire weekend, because I didn’t know how else to stand up for myself without violence. This also hurts me because I have had self confidence issues my whole life, and I remember EVERYTHING, and replay things in my head all the time.
What is the key to people taking you more seriously? How do I put my foot down properly, whether it be for people I already know or people I meet moving forward. I don’t wanna be a bad person, but I also hate being someone so well intentioned that all it ever does it causes me anxiety and make me a doormat for everyone.
2 comments
Number 1- You must establish boundaries! This is key to understand how much you are willing to put up with or help others. Without it, you will be played by every human.
A zen master once said, “It is more dishonorable to distrust our friends, than to be deceived by them.”
So by that wisdom, you are already doing it right. Course, I have to admit I like that you sometimes bust a nose to keep it real.