I recently dipped my toes back into the dating pool after a bad breakup with an ex-long-term boyfriend and I went on my first date with a guy I met on tinder. We met up only after a week of casually talking and he bought a couple of gifts, which was a bit too much for me and I didn’t expect anything. The first date was nice, he was friendly but a bit physically affectionate which caught me off guard. He put his arms around me when we were walking, held my hands, and then asked to kiss me at the end of the date. He also told me he deleted Tinder after meeting me, which made me feel guilty because I haven’t and I’m not planning to as I am still meeting people.
I am a bit of a people pleaser and I regret to admit I kissed him because I felt anxious to say no. It wasn’t a bad kiss but it wasn’t what I would’ve necessarily done on a first date. That first date was a few days ago and he’s since told me that he bought me another gift online. I told him not to buy me gifts and he shouldn’t have done that but he said he wanted to. Then when we were saying goodnight the other night on video call I swear it felt like he was going to say he loved me. You know when you can tell what someone is going to say? Then he messaged me after our call and said he feels like he’s ready to fall in love. I literally responded by saying I don’t know what to say. Inside I was FREAKING out.
Cut to the next day, today, he wished me happy valentines and asked me if he should bring one of his shirts to our second date so I can sleep in it. O\_O. I know he’s trying to be nice but that really overwhelmed me because I feel like this is moving quite fast right? then when I said no thanks maybe later he said I’m welcome to call him “babe” “darling” “cutie” etc. I just said okay haha. But inside I’m like properly freaking out now. Because he IS a nice guy from what I know of him so far, and he seems like he was really mistreated in his past relationship and is looking for love after a year of being single and coping with the trauma of his abusive ex.
But I don’t think I’m ready to jump into a full-blown intense relationship right now and I’m getting a bit anxious about his behavior. He is truly a nice guy and I would like to keep hanging out with him BUT I don’t want to break anyone’s heart or lead anyone on especially when they seem like a decent person. **How should I navigate this respectfully?**
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\*Update\* thank you to everyone you replied. So I bit the bullet and told him I felt like things were going too fast and I wanted to slow things down and just get to know each other and I felt uncomfortable with the pet names and future planning and physical affectionate so quickly a couple days after the first date. He said sorry and that he’d take things slower- he said he was just excited because he’d been single for a long time.
But he has said sorry a lot now and he said he was going to sleep and an hour later I’ve gotten more apology messages and asking for another chance. But I never said he lost his chance? I said it was okay already so I once again am feeling a bit overwhelmed.
3 comments
Hmm well honesty is the best policy so state that you need to take things slowly, you don’t have to break things off yet and there’s nothing unreasonable with going slow so that shouldn’t hurt him in any way.
Oof, he is going very fast. I think you’ll have to bite the bullet and just tell him that
– he’s going too fast
– you don’t want to be exclusive
– you like him but you don’t like him like him yet as you haven’t spent time together
– the gifts, the words, the tshirt, etc make you feel uncomfortable because it doesn’t match what you yourself are feeling
If you only say that he’s going too fast, it implies that you are still as interested in him as he is in you, but he just needs to slow down. Which is not really what’s going on as you’re freaked out by his behavior.
What you’re describing makes him sound creepy. If you’re getting creep vibes, just end things.
I’m saying this because you said you didn’t want to kiss him, but felt bad saying no. You don’t have to continue to see him and you absolutely don’t owe him an explanation if that’s what you decide.